smooshfacedlion

I broke up with my "girlfriend" last night. We've been going out for about two and a half months now and all this time she's told me that she wasn't ready to be exclusive yet and be "boyfriend/girlfriend". Now, I interpret this to mean that she's just not ready for us to officially be in a committed relationship with each other, but at some point she would be or we would break it off. But, it turns out what she really meant was that she didn't want a relationship at all right now and just wanted to date. Ok, so I wasn't happy about her not wanting to be officially exclusive as long as she actually wasn't dating anybody else. Last night though she says she wants to talk and says that she's worried about me because she thinks that I'm getting the wrong idea and with the amount of time we've been spending together (which is only like 2 or 3 night a week btw) that she thinks I'm getting too attached and that she doesn't want to hurt me more than she already is because she really cares about me and I'm wonderful and the nicest guy she's ever met in her life and she loves dating me and being with me, etc, etc. But she says she confused because despite all of that she doesn't want to settle down and be in an serious exclusive relationship right now and she knows that I do. I ask her if she's confused because she's just unsure that that's what she wants or because she's already found someone else she wants to date as well. Of course it's the latter. She asks me how I feel about it and I pretty much told her that even if we weren't calling it exclusive I had reached the point where I considered it to be and that if she wanted to date someone else she was going to have to do it without dating me at the same time. She asked if we could make some kind of compromise but I just didn't see what kind of compromise could be made. I mean, if we'd been dating a very short time I could probably live with it, but we've been dating long enough in my opinion and have been close enough and intimate enough that we should be exclusive and I do not want to be a part of what she wants. I wouldn't date somebody else while I was seeing someone and I demand the same from whoever I'm dating, it's just that simple. I think it's a matter of respect for myself and for the other person. Though, I am glad that she was honest with me and didn't start seeing somebody without me knowing about it. So that's that, we ordered a pizza and had some drinks and had one nice last night together and she left. She asked me if we were still going to be able to be friends and all I could tell her was "maybe." I've tried it before and it can work to an extent but it always seems to end up being too difficult and painful. I just don't think I want to put myself through the jealousy and anger and drama again. It's just so hard to say to someone that you care about that you don't think you can see them at all ever, but I think that's the way it has to be unfortunately. So, I guess it's back to square one. "...talk about God and his mercy, well if he really does exist then why did he desert me, in my hour of need? I truly am indeed, alone again, naturally" Gilbert O'Sullivan. "and now I walk this planet, forever in search of the alternative to love." - Brendan Benson.

D,

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