Warning this is a very personal blog…
Alright so blog time. Let’s hop on in..
so earlier I was smoking alone and it got me thinking I hate to be a lone, but then I thought deeper n wondered what could be the reason for be hating to be a lone.
I think it has to go back to my young childhood. So back then when I was I’m guessing just a toddler I went to daycare because my mother was a single mom who worked a full time job. Well one day in the daycare they forced me to sit down n they cracked the back of my head open on a metal window seal. So my mother threaten to call the dss on them (department of social services was called that back then aka Dss). Well they beat my mother to it and called them on her with lies of how she was treating me.
So they had this Very bad Dr come in n asked me questions I didn’t understand. With confused answers they decided to take me n my older sisters away from our mother. When they took us I tried to escape their grasps but I was just too weak n little. They put me n my sisters in a foster home. But about a couple days later they came and let my sisters go back home since the case only involved me and what I said. So finally I think this is the reason why I hate being a lone or at least one of the reasons. But when my sisters were gone, I felt so scared and so a lone. I had to learn how to take care of my self. Everyday that went by I would think about how much I missed my mom and sisters. They would send me from foster home to foster home, some places would hit me, some were mean or had mean kids. Finally the last foster home I was in was the worst of them all! The foster mother had 2 sons who were 18 at the time n I was in maybe 1st grade by now. But they broke my Xmas gifts from my family. They would spray hair spray in our room (yes I had to share a room with them) and lite it on fire, they tricked me to drink beer making me think it was soda, and other shit… anyways I’m sorry, I started to get into my emotions as I write this and got into it being mad personal. That last foster home was a hell hole but lucky for me my mom pleaded to the court to take me out of there n they listened n sent me to the Boston children’s hospital.
I know this went way beyond me just being lonely. Stuff just poured out.
But it was ok bein in the hospital. I still missed my family but I finally felt in a safe place an amongst people my age, and the staff was nice to me too. I was there for about a year according to my mother but it felt longer. But a year after I went in, my mom won her case and I was finally able to go home. But the trama was done.
But yeah I think it’s a huge reason why I hate being alone. It’s why I try to send out messages on here and on social medias bc I hate being a lone and even tho most times I have to wait days or weeks to get a reply and I’m use to it. I just think I was just meant to be a lone, idk. I assume this bc I’m a lone a lot!
But anyways let me end this blog. Feel free to message me or comment with any questions. Ty fir reading, love ❤️ y’all.