Coyote Ugly Saloon is Sucktastic!
Like a virus, Coyote Ugly Saloons are popping up all over America. Based on that movie with the girls dancing, singing, pouring drinks and cockteasing, this so-called bar has arrived here in Austin, Texas. Yay.
Alright, first of all, its not a big deal to have a hot chick dancing on the barany decent watering hole will have that happen around 12 or 1. You want to see a pretty girl sing poorly then go to fucking karaoke.
Secondly, they held auditions for barstaffthey went by looks, not by bartending ability. Hell, the ad said, no experience was necessary. What serious drinker wants an incompetent bartender?
Yeah, let me get a shot of jack, a Budweiser, and a vodka tonic.
Look at my boobs and my sexy midriff!
Thats great. I need a shot of jack, a Bud, and a vodka tonic.
Theyre perky!
A shot of jack, a Bud, and a vodka tonic.
Oh, you need a jack, do ya, cutie? Tee-hee!
Right. Ha ha. I get it. I need my drinks.
Okaya vodka tonicwhats in that? Let me check my cheat sheet
And if youre going to open a bar based on a movie, why would you base it on a shitty movie? Why not open Club Ishtar or Over the Top Bar and Grill? Arm wrestling competitions every night! Hooray!
Like a virus, Coyote Ugly Saloons are popping up all over America. Based on that movie with the girls dancing, singing, pouring drinks and cockteasing, this so-called bar has arrived here in Austin, Texas. Yay.
Alright, first of all, its not a big deal to have a hot chick dancing on the barany decent watering hole will have that happen around 12 or 1. You want to see a pretty girl sing poorly then go to fucking karaoke.
Secondly, they held auditions for barstaffthey went by looks, not by bartending ability. Hell, the ad said, no experience was necessary. What serious drinker wants an incompetent bartender?
Yeah, let me get a shot of jack, a Budweiser, and a vodka tonic.
Look at my boobs and my sexy midriff!
Thats great. I need a shot of jack, a Bud, and a vodka tonic.
Theyre perky!
A shot of jack, a Bud, and a vodka tonic.
Oh, you need a jack, do ya, cutie? Tee-hee!
Right. Ha ha. I get it. I need my drinks.
Okaya vodka tonicwhats in that? Let me check my cheat sheet
And if youre going to open a bar based on a movie, why would you base it on a shitty movie? Why not open Club Ishtar or Over the Top Bar and Grill? Arm wrestling competitions every night! Hooray!
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
We spent about about 15 minutes inside that bar the other night. It's like a black hole for dignity. And the place was fucking packed to the gills!
How shameful it must be, young woman, for you to tend bar in a bikini top. Is a two dollar tip from a red faced and sweating frat pledge really worth it.
And that mongoloid cover version of Feel Like Making Love by kid rock was the least painful thing of the experience.
I have never seen a more humiliating, cheap, and hateful spectacle. And I've been to Disneyland.