smirkingatyou

Random Things From Rencent Conversations

-a doctor: "They can put ice on the outside. No ice in the vagina . . . or popsicles."

-a doctor "The ancient Greeks thought the gods were causing these women to have seizures. Unfortunately, there is no way to test this theory."
-me: "We could get pregnant women to blaspheme and see what happens."

-a doctor: "I can't hear out of my left ear."
-me: "My left ear is a little messed up, too."
-a doctor: "I had a brain tumor. They cut out part of my skull."
-me: "You win."

-another student: "Are all deliveries that bloody? It was like "Saving Private Ryan."

-a patient: "All my baby does is eat and poop."
-me: "That's his job."

Just before looking at a specimen under a microscope . . .
-a doctor: "Do you know what you're looking for?"
-me: "Clue cells, increased white blood cells, increased lactobacilli, yeast, trichomonads, gremlins"
-a doctor: "what?"
-me: "nothing"

-a doctor: "Pre-eclampsia is very common. It can happen to anyone. It can happen to you."
-me: "I can't get pregnant."
-a doctor: "I'm just saying-"
-me: "No, really, I don't have a uterus."

-a student: "She says her stomach hurts, right below the navel."
-me: "That makes sense. We just cut her open and pulled a baby out."

Brainstorming with another student after a long frustrating day . . .
-me: "Her hemoglobin keeps dropping, so she's losing blood. She hasn't turned yellow, so she's not breaking down her red blood cells. There's no blood coming out of her, so she has to be bleeding internally. I can't find a doctor, and I don't have the authority to send her to radiology. So what do I do now? "
-a student: "um. . . "
-me: "I supposed I could jiggle her and listen for the sloshing sound."