I may have shared a picture of this before but deleted it.
For quite a few years I would try to lose track of this and would keep it hidden so it wouldn't remind me of that night. I realized just last December that in doing that I was giving that night power over me which was approaching a decade and it needed to be faced.
For the first time since that night I went back ,it was the 10 anniversary that took Dime from us. The venue is right down the road from my current job. Now, going back through the years I had moved around quite a bit but when I was asked if I would like to go back I would get irritated or even angry and refuse. Usually saying ,"I wish that place would burn to the ground".
Up until that show it was actually one of my favorite place to see a band. It wasn't very big, had a couple pool tables and the sound was usually nice and tight. The owner would usually be there and would announce the acts going on in a very energetic way which usually got you ready for even a band you didnt care to see. I saw Sevendust 2 or 3 times at this place and loved it.
But my anger, resentment and distance would keep me at bay. It was controlling me and to a certain point always will but how much is what I ultimately allow.
So for the first time in 10 years I went back. I drove around to the back where the bus was parked that night and just stopped letting it all in.
I went back to the front and got out to really look at the place again. Then I went up to the rock in front of the place. On the rock were candles, flowers and shot glasses. For the first few years after this had happened I guess people would paint the rock green in memory of him.
But this is the first time I had been back since that night and I realized that night that it wasnt so bad anymore on the inside. I realized I could talk about it without this shutdown inside followed by a wall that went up. I realized that I am still alive and that is when I started to keep this in sight again as a reminder of what I had seen and that I wasn't totally crazy either. Now when I happen to drive by the place I dont feel that cold numbness like I once did.
I find myself actually being able to enjoy listening to Pantera again. As for Damageplan though, I dont think Ill ever be able to enjoy listening to that again and Im honestly fine with that. Some songs yeah but never the album, once it gets to the song they were playing when it happened I still feel the pull to someplace else.
But all of this is more a testament of getting to the other side of something and deciding when to stop letting something control you.
Be good and remember light is part of darkness <3
