Aloha!....
Before I get to my scary scary story that happened 5 minutes ago, I show you this:
THINGS TO DO THIS WEEK:
Tonight (20th): Catch 22 In Oshawa presents:
Caution Inc., doors at 8:30
Thursday: The Dungeon presents Caution Inc. with Toxic Youth, doors at 7pm
Friday: Lee's Palace presents a charity event for Covenant House with Caution Inc., Simon Head, Summer Hero, and some other band.
These shows are all something in the $4-8 range, and really, whatelse is there to do? I should get paid for this.
So anyways, here's my SCARY DEATH STORY OF THE SPIDER OF DEATH!!!11!11!!!: A True Story...
Smashley was getting ready to take her morning (but now afternoon because she has no job) shower, just chillin' in the b-room waiting for the water to heat up.
She looks up at the ceiling, and notices a big fat green angry cursing spider that's giving her the finger!
She promptly remembers last night, seeing that exact spider abovethe bathroom mirror as she brushed her teeth. She simply forgot, assuming her spider-slaying mother would attack with full force.
But this did NOT HAPPEN...
She notices this profane spider has already begun making his little freaky coccoon-like web in order to lay little rude spider children. This is when Smashley decides to take action.
Profane spider notices Smash's grabbing of the aerosol hairspray and starts wiggling himself out of his gross coccoon.
Smash starts spraying the asshole *SPRAY SPRAY SPRAY*, then suddenly realizes that she's using her $17 BedHead Extreme Hold Hairspray and immediatley switches ammo to generic brand pump spray with muchos alcohol content.
Asshole spider looks as though he has given up hope, and stops moving within his freshly groomed icky web, and Smash contines her shower.
Five minutes in, she had a strange feeling. A thoguht of unease, and went on instinct to check on her kill...
but NO!!!!! It's NOT DEAD!!! AHHHHhhhhhHHhhhh...!!!
The sticky, immortal arachnid comes swooping down via web towards Smash in a hurry!!
She SCREAMS, and jumps out of the shower in a fright, covered in Spectro-Jel soapless cleanser, and wonders what the FUCK she can do to murder this dick.
She then realizes she can just wash him down the drain, and quickly redirects the shower head and watches as the little prick dude swims away... down Down DOWN the drain...
But will this go-hard eight-legged FREAK come back to haunt her?..
Find out tomorrow, in Smash: The Second Shower.
The end.
This is all very very true. I did infact waste hair product, get soap in my eyes, and scream. All while home. Alone.
(Insert X-Files beats)
Anyhow, this is my warning to all of you:
Please- check your showers, bathrooms, toilets even before getting comfortable and clean. These little a-holes are an army, an army of unkillable little men with vendettas to take over our homes and stay warm for the winter.
Hairspray just won't do it, RAID!!!
Okay... I'll go get dressed now. But NOT before I check my shower drain.
Peace out, and a safe bath to you all.
Smash.
Before I get to my scary scary story that happened 5 minutes ago, I show you this:
THINGS TO DO THIS WEEK:
Tonight (20th): Catch 22 In Oshawa presents:
Caution Inc., doors at 8:30
Thursday: The Dungeon presents Caution Inc. with Toxic Youth, doors at 7pm
Friday: Lee's Palace presents a charity event for Covenant House with Caution Inc., Simon Head, Summer Hero, and some other band.
These shows are all something in the $4-8 range, and really, whatelse is there to do? I should get paid for this.
So anyways, here's my SCARY DEATH STORY OF THE SPIDER OF DEATH!!!11!11!!!: A True Story...
Smashley was getting ready to take her morning (but now afternoon because she has no job) shower, just chillin' in the b-room waiting for the water to heat up.
She looks up at the ceiling, and notices a big fat green angry cursing spider that's giving her the finger!
She promptly remembers last night, seeing that exact spider abovethe bathroom mirror as she brushed her teeth. She simply forgot, assuming her spider-slaying mother would attack with full force.
But this did NOT HAPPEN...
She notices this profane spider has already begun making his little freaky coccoon-like web in order to lay little rude spider children. This is when Smashley decides to take action.
Profane spider notices Smash's grabbing of the aerosol hairspray and starts wiggling himself out of his gross coccoon.
Smash starts spraying the asshole *SPRAY SPRAY SPRAY*, then suddenly realizes that she's using her $17 BedHead Extreme Hold Hairspray and immediatley switches ammo to generic brand pump spray with muchos alcohol content.
Asshole spider looks as though he has given up hope, and stops moving within his freshly groomed icky web, and Smash contines her shower.
Five minutes in, she had a strange feeling. A thoguht of unease, and went on instinct to check on her kill...
but NO!!!!! It's NOT DEAD!!! AHHHHhhhhhHHhhhh...!!!
The sticky, immortal arachnid comes swooping down via web towards Smash in a hurry!!
She SCREAMS, and jumps out of the shower in a fright, covered in Spectro-Jel soapless cleanser, and wonders what the FUCK she can do to murder this dick.
She then realizes she can just wash him down the drain, and quickly redirects the shower head and watches as the little prick dude swims away... down Down DOWN the drain...
But will this go-hard eight-legged FREAK come back to haunt her?..
Find out tomorrow, in Smash: The Second Shower.
The end.
This is all very very true. I did infact waste hair product, get soap in my eyes, and scream. All while home. Alone.
(Insert X-Files beats)
Anyhow, this is my warning to all of you:
Please- check your showers, bathrooms, toilets even before getting comfortable and clean. These little a-holes are an army, an army of unkillable little men with vendettas to take over our homes and stay warm for the winter.
Hairspray just won't do it, RAID!!!
Okay... I'll go get dressed now. But NOT before I check my shower drain.
Peace out, and a safe bath to you all.
Smash.
VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
Ama here. Sorry I havent returned your text messages sooner. We shall come up with a date soon enough to go to the Science Centre. Just tell me when you're free.
<3
love,
cottser.