It's time for another edition of....
Danjournal!
Read-In week aka: Dan the inadvertent crusher of dreams
So this past thursday I participated in Read-In week at a local school. My friend Alena got me involved in this wonderful program. Yesterday I got to read to this bright, wide eyed, optimistic class of young grade 4's. And yesterday I destroyed their souls!
Let me elaborate...
9:15 am
I had just wrapped up reading "Diary of a Fly" a happy, cute book about following your dreams and the wonders of childhood.
I felt like a star, these kids were putty in my hands, hanging on my every word. I inspired these kids to chase their dreams with my dramatic reading about a fly who dreams of becoming a superhero! You kids will follow your dreams and pinpoint this day as the spark that ignited your passion!
9:16 am
I have time enough for another book. The teacher glowing and smiling hands me another book
"This is my favorite children's book. Make sure you read the pages before showing the pictures. There's a surprise at the end"
Oh, I know how to deliver epic storytelling Miss Teacher Lady, don't you worry. These kids will be f#@%ing astounded
The book is entitled "Tadpole's Promise" the art is lovely and whimsical.
Time for me to shine again!
9:17 am
My performance is as the cool kids say #onpoint
This story is magical! A tiny tadpole and a caterpillar fall in love. They even have cutesy pet name's for each other which I make sure to emphasize
"I'll love you forever my beautiful rainbow!"
"And I love you my little black pearl!"
9:18 am
We've gotten into the meat of our story. The tadpoles begun to change and the caterpillar has a hard time dealing wih that. This is dramatic, juicy stuff!
Kids you are in for a treat. Me and the Tadpole's Promise are gonna teach you about acceptance and love!
9:19 am
Caterpillar is being a whiny little b!+#
I get it, Tadpole's changing at an alarming rate. But seriously we need to reel this in and get to accepting. There's like 7 pages left.
9:20 am
I hate Caterpillar...
Caterpillar is that superficial hot kid in high school that only gives a crap about looks. I appreciate the writers commitment to this character but seriously! This "beautiful rainbow" has flat out and coldly rejected Tadpole for growing legs and losing his tail.
TADPOLE IS CRYING HIS EYE'S OUT YOU INSENSITIVE INVERTEBRATE!!!
9:21 am
Caterpillar has gone for a "nap"
She is cocooned. Perfect! Time for a taste of your own medicine HATERPILLAR!
That's right... I went there
9:22 am
Caterpillar has awoken as a gorgeous butterfly AND with a change of heart!
"Little black pearl I love you no matter what you look like!"
Oh glorious day! You'll see caterpillar! Tadpole will love you for who you are despite how harsh you treated him before! Happy ending here we come (.... phrasing)
9:23 am
Oh god.... OH GOD! Tadpole is a full grown frog now!
His eye's aren't registering his friend and he's not hearing her apology
I know what's about to happen! I KNOW WHAT'S ABOUT TO HAPPEN!!! AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!
9:24 am
I'm sweating, my eye's nervously scanning the classroom. They're all smiling, they all trust me. You sweet innocent souls, you don't understand foreshadowing. The world has yet to crush you with it's reality. And here I am with my malicious partner, the Tadpole's Promise, about to shatter that precious, fragile, innocence that's been protected for so long
Maybe I'm wrong. The teacher is smiling so sweetly. She couldn't have set me up like this right? The book wouldn't betray me... I mean, Tadpole's Promise, it's right in the title. Tadpole promised he would love Caterpillar forever. You made a promise Tadpole! Remember that!
9:25 am
CATERPILLAR'S DEAD!!!
Tadpole ate her! I'm an emotional wreck!
Before saying anything I quickly check the next page. Maybe Tadpole spits her up? Yeah that's it! He'll realize his mistake!
NOPE! The next page is the last one. It ends with Tadpole wondering where his love could have gone to
In roughly 10 pages this little book tore out my freaking heart! Screw Romeo & Juliet! the Tadpole's Promise is the true masterpiece of tragic love stories! I felt no pity for Romeo or Juliet's rash decisions at death, theirs was a tragedy easily avoided. I'm confident Shakespeare just thinks teenagers are dumb because of that story. But Tadpole's Promise! Ooooohh Tadpole's Promise, you cruel mistress. I entrusted your bright colors and cute words with my heart, and you stabbed at thee!
But worst of all... teacher lady, yeeessss you! You made me your pawn in this evil scheme to crush these optimistic youngsters. Sitting there like a youthful school teacher version of the Emperor. I, a cowboy hatted Darth Vader, her instrument in murdering their hopes and dreams
9:26 am
I contemplate coming up with my own fake ending to recover this story. My emotions are a wreck but it's not too late for them. I can take this bullet, I can shelter them from this onslaught.
But no, the trap was laid too well. They'll expect to see the page after I read it. I'm sorry children, this was not my intention.
I read the last page...
"HA! He ate the butterfly!"
Yes, that's it random kid in the classroom, who's name I don't know. Find the bright side to this. Tadpole found nourishment... by eating his lover... :(
Go on without me children. You're young, you can recover. It's too late for me, I had a good life
9:27 am
Finished my reading I leave the classroom, but also my broken heart in shambles.
So concludes another thrilling Danjournal!
Tune in next time when I hopefully won't be a jumbled mess of emotions because of a kid's book
Same Dan-time!
Same Dan-channel!
