So in today's blog for your reading pleasure I answer this age-old question
Dear Danny,
I was talking to a American Geek, and he was wondering, when American geeks pretend to have girlfriends they say they are from Canada, is there any place that Canadian geeks pretend their girlfriends are from? Or do we do such things?
Well, my friend, the answer is actually very simple and clever.
You see the American Geeks have developed this pretend Canadian girlfriend system so that it explains why you never see them. But there is a fatal flaw, it doesn't stop people from asking about them and wanting to meet them, hence the "jig" is eventually up.
We Canadians are a crafty-er lot and have found a way around this. The key is to have a pretend girlfriend with three key elements.
1. She must live far away or be constantly on the move
2. She must be super hot and better than everyone elses girlfriend in every way.
3. She must be a person the will not really ever want to meet
I know what you're thinking. It's pretty hard to combine the last two. But don't worry there is a simply solution to all of this.
Say she's a Carny.
It's the perfect lie. Carnies are always on the go moving from town to town, pedaling the craft. Hence why she's never around. Nobody wants to meet a Carny, the weird and scary folk. You only see them at Carnivals, but you'd never want to know one personally. They are a creepy folk, no one you know will ask to meet her, and just be happy she never comes around. Plus she can be the bestest pretend girlfriend ever. Go crazy! Pimp the heck outta that lie! Make her a Harvard graduate, give her the greatest body known to mankind, make her crazy in bed, say she has the Whiz Comics #2.
And the beauty is that they can't argue with you. Because even though we're all scared of them and know that Carnies are too creepy to become a supermodel, you simply can't argue. Because that my friend would be racist of you, and nobodies prepared to accept that label.
So as you can see we Canadian geeks pretend our non-existent girlfriend is a Carny. It covers all the bases, because you either believe us or you're a racist.
(Oh and when I say "we" I don't include myself because I do have a girlfriend. She's from ........... Narnia .......
Yeeeeeahhhhh, that's it Narnia .... well she wasn't actually born there, she's like those kids. She crawled through a ..... a ....... microwave, and stumble upon the magical kingdom. Did I mention she's the top Narnian supermodel.)
