I thought about about posting this or not because it was a personal moment for myself. I am not even sure if anyone would even read it. Normally i would only write silly stuff, Here goes anyway.
An amazing Realization
**This might be hard to read but i don't care it was more for myself it's my feeling poured onto paper**
For the past few days i have had this not so great not so good feeling. i can't really put my finger on what it was how worse how to explain it to someone or to myself which can be just as bad. So i have been racking my brain trying to figure out was was bothering me.
I have always had to deal with bad things, not getting that job, missing out on that event or not getting to that girl before she is scooped up or what not. the bad or not so fun stuff but i am able to get through it at some point and feel good after a day or 2. If i get hurt i repair the wound and then heal myself and i am back on my feet. I think we all do that is some way. In the past month i have had some friends kind of disappointed me in one way or another. Perhaps they were not really friends at all. I can't really say for sure, I think they would like to think they know who i am but they don't have a clue. So i think that set off this bad feeling but I have removed those people from my life and have healed myself. So I do feel better about me right now. but this is the problem the last few days have been good things that i have been wanting to happen for a while are coming into play which should make me smile and be happy and for the most part i think that i am. It was not until today that I figured it out. There has been this place or space i get into at times where I feel alone. don't get me wrong i have family around me and people a phone call away so I am not alone. but that place is still there at times. When something bad happens I feel it and in this case when good things happen i feel it even more. That hit me while driving along the PCH tonight. Being single is OK most of the time except when i have good things and times that i want to share with that special person. F the bad stuff i have been able to do that shit on my own for years. But what can bring people together fast is that good shit. Maybe everyone already knew that perhaps no one realized it. they might just take it for granted that is easy to do. But for me now not being able to share a good feeling with "fill in any title you want here" kinda sucks ass. for lack of a better phrase. It could be way I might not be doing the what i have wanted to do or what i am capable of doing for the thought of not being able to share it with someone. At this point i can't really answer it yet. However finding something out about ones self completely on your own is wonderful feeling. Ha, it is almost a paradox i learn this and i can't share it with "someone" my head could implode from that concept alone ha ha. Anyway I don't know why I am sharing this in a blog if that is where this ends up. I just really needed to write this down so i would not forget it. For anyone who does read this you should be thankful for that "person" for the next nice thing that comes your way. You know what else is crazy that when i can tell the good things to "someone" I will also know now to tell her that she is special because i get to smile at her and just say "it is great to have you in my life". It has more meaning to me now that it has ever before.
An amazing Realization
**This might be hard to read but i don't care it was more for myself it's my feeling poured onto paper**
For the past few days i have had this not so great not so good feeling. i can't really put my finger on what it was how worse how to explain it to someone or to myself which can be just as bad. So i have been racking my brain trying to figure out was was bothering me.
I have always had to deal with bad things, not getting that job, missing out on that event or not getting to that girl before she is scooped up or what not. the bad or not so fun stuff but i am able to get through it at some point and feel good after a day or 2. If i get hurt i repair the wound and then heal myself and i am back on my feet. I think we all do that is some way. In the past month i have had some friends kind of disappointed me in one way or another. Perhaps they were not really friends at all. I can't really say for sure, I think they would like to think they know who i am but they don't have a clue. So i think that set off this bad feeling but I have removed those people from my life and have healed myself. So I do feel better about me right now. but this is the problem the last few days have been good things that i have been wanting to happen for a while are coming into play which should make me smile and be happy and for the most part i think that i am. It was not until today that I figured it out. There has been this place or space i get into at times where I feel alone. don't get me wrong i have family around me and people a phone call away so I am not alone. but that place is still there at times. When something bad happens I feel it and in this case when good things happen i feel it even more. That hit me while driving along the PCH tonight. Being single is OK most of the time except when i have good things and times that i want to share with that special person. F the bad stuff i have been able to do that shit on my own for years. But what can bring people together fast is that good shit. Maybe everyone already knew that perhaps no one realized it. they might just take it for granted that is easy to do. But for me now not being able to share a good feeling with "fill in any title you want here" kinda sucks ass. for lack of a better phrase. It could be way I might not be doing the what i have wanted to do or what i am capable of doing for the thought of not being able to share it with someone. At this point i can't really answer it yet. However finding something out about ones self completely on your own is wonderful feeling. Ha, it is almost a paradox i learn this and i can't share it with "someone" my head could implode from that concept alone ha ha. Anyway I don't know why I am sharing this in a blog if that is where this ends up. I just really needed to write this down so i would not forget it. For anyone who does read this you should be thankful for that "person" for the next nice thing that comes your way. You know what else is crazy that when i can tell the good things to "someone" I will also know now to tell her that she is special because i get to smile at her and just say "it is great to have you in my life". It has more meaning to me now that it has ever before.