slaughtervein

Well. I suppose life isn't -that- bad. It's just one of those things, you know? (Hardcase) When you stop for a minute and just kind of, take a quick look around. And it seems like everyone else is doing better then you are. Ever get that feeling? I'm thankful for my family. Food to eat. A roof over my head. Believe me I am. But there are other things that really need to start going better. Perhaps in our own minds, we each feel, individually, that sometimes we may be worse off then the next person. Even if we acknowledge the fact that there is someone worse off then us.

Quite frankly, I believe it's more psychological, then anything. And intellectual. Psychological, on the part that people who have their emotions in check suffer hardships too, but when they stay positive things seem to fall into place better. So it seems. Or so they say. Although I'm not very -positive- these days, I once tried having a ''positive and optomistic'' outlook on life. Needless to say, it didn't work. Didn't cure any of my ills anyway. Maybe for the next person. But not me.

It's also intellectual in the way of if you're either smart, or stupid. Now I'm not saying I'm a genious or anything. Although, doesn't it seem like really -dumb- people just float through life without a care or a worry in the world? It's like, they're too stupid to see the hardships and cold cruelty that befalls most of us in way or another. Whoever said, ''Ignorance is bliss'' wasn't lying. I can't imagine what it'd be like, to walk through life, deaf dumb and blind. Totally oblivious. Funny how those types of individuals seem to have it -easier- Or maybe they're just pretending really well? Trying to fool the rest of us maybe? Who knows.

It may just all boil down to my unbound rage and unfathomable hatred towards the human race. Most humans shouldn't breathe the same air as me, far as I'm concerned. Most are, total scum. Then again, this is just my opinion. Perhaps I too, am part of this -problem- on a much grander scale then even my coherent, comprehending mind could even begin to understand.

Bottom line, within my own world, I'm a ticking time bomb. To the observer or passerbyer, I may seem like a little stressed. And maybe I might just be overracting a bit much. But in my world. In my nightmare. My -situation- is rather, apocalyptic. I feel my flesh tingling. Like it wants to melt from my bones. My mind is engulfed in flames. A whirlwind embodiment of fire. The simple thread of thought, becomes shredded and burned. And my soul. My pathetic mortal soul. I will just stop my senseless rant here.

All I see is the end. It's very dark, cold and lonely. I don't like it. But this abyss calls to me. Waits for me. A place where pain and fear die. Along with my mortal flesh. A place where everyone is no one and everything is nothing. Possibly in this dark death, I shall obtain the peace that I could not find in life? But something tells me otherwise. What's holding me back? Is it fear? Partially. Because once I leap into the black abyss, not only will everything I know, become no more. I too, will be nothing. Nothing more, then shadows and dust........... Shadows and dust.....

Perhaps I'll write again soon, perhaps not. Until then...


Strength and Honor,
SlaughterVein