The Regret is killing me.
You never think it's gonna end, so why say or do the stuff you can do tomorrow.
I always figured we'd be together forever.
I never told how beautiful she was, or how much I truly loved her......but I had a wierd feeling the day before she died that made me want to tell her all these things. And I never got a chance to. And the regret is killing me.....
All I see is her face when I close my eyes...but what's even more scary is that I'm starting to forget, and it's making the pain go away.....but it's only been 3 weeks since she died, and I don't want to forget. And I feel terrible that the pain is going away already. I feel I should be more sad than I am, which makes me even more sad that I'm not as sad as I used to be, or think I should be.....
I wish I could sleep....
Love you Baby,
Caleb.
You never think it's gonna end, so why say or do the stuff you can do tomorrow.
I always figured we'd be together forever.
I never told how beautiful she was, or how much I truly loved her......but I had a wierd feeling the day before she died that made me want to tell her all these things. And I never got a chance to. And the regret is killing me.....
All I see is her face when I close my eyes...but what's even more scary is that I'm starting to forget, and it's making the pain go away.....but it's only been 3 weeks since she died, and I don't want to forget. And I feel terrible that the pain is going away already. I feel I should be more sad than I am, which makes me even more sad that I'm not as sad as I used to be, or think I should be.....
I wish I could sleep....
Love you Baby,
Caleb.
I know its not the same, but with my old man, I had the same thing happening with forgetting what his face looked like, etc. It made me feel guity too....
Same with regrets about things unsaid,,,,True, I was able to tell him alot of the stuff I wanted to say before he died, but the last time I saw him, he was dropping me off at a bus depot in St. Catherines at 6 in the morning. He drove me there in his crappy van, we drank coffee and smoked cigarrettes, not saying much on account of it being so early.
Anyhow, we got to the depot, I grabbed my bags and said "See ya later". And that was the last time I saw him alive.
Wish I would've said more, hugged him, whatever. But I didn't, and there is nothing I can do about that now.
And about telling Steph how much you loved her, or how beautiful you thought she was, don't worry about it, because if she didn't know it while alive, she know it now.
About forgetting,,, I think what it is is not so much forgetting her, but you are remembering that you remain to live. There is no acceptable or unacceptable amount of sadness that needs to be felt, whatever the amount is, is the amount needed.
Besides, in a relationship of 2 people, you produce many positive and negative memories. Perhaps you are not forgetting , or not being sad enough, maybe you are just unloading and forgetting the negative memories, her death being one of the them. Perhaps you 'forgetting' is assisted by her spirit, as she wants to re-assure and heal your pain? IMO, Steph wants her memory to be a source of a smile, not a source of pain for you.
/m