Dream Journal
Ok so I had a dream last night....or this morning .....something like that. Anyway...
It really kinda bugged me...It upset me in my belly, and disturbed my mind.
It wasn't too lengthy and I won't describe it in its entirety because thats just unnecessary. But basically what happened was I was walking from the grocery store to my grandmother/father's house in my old neighborhood, which had become alot slummier since I'd been gone, and I got mugged on the way home. I was just walking by myself and these guys who'd been circling the area(you could tell they were gang members from how they dressed) like vultures swooped down on me before I even really had time to react. They executed their little strike on me quite expertly. One walked straight up to me to block my path another was hanging back and circling on his bike while a third came up behind me and got me in a sort of headlock. I was pretty scared because I'd never had anything like that happen to me before. (reminder: Its a dream) Plus my neighborhood was always pretty calm I would never expect something like that to happen so close to home. Anyway, I was wearing this expensive leather jacket and they apparently wanted it. I gave it up right away, no struggle or anything, I just slipped out of it and ran away.
As I was approaching my driveway, two things happened,
1) I ran into my father
2) and I spotted a few more members of the same gang in the distance.
My father asked me where my jacket was, I was forced to tell him and he got pretty pissed. Not just at the situation, but at my cowardice I suppose....(after that I felt pretty guilty, ashamed and embarrassed the rest of the night.) We went into the house and I told my grandmother and the rest of my immediate family what happened. We sat around and talked about it over dinner for quite awhile. My brother who lives with my father, (we'll call him Melchior for now), was acting very evasive towards the subject. I couldn't understand why seeing as how he lives down there
I continued to feel on edge throughout the night and kept pacing back and forth between the back porch and the living room, on one of my "trips" I noticed that there seemed to be quite a lot of those gang members descending on my father's house. There were quite a few lurking in the back yard. At first I hoped they were just doing some sort of reconnaissance on me. But I quickly realized that was hoping for too much. For some reason they felt the need to inflict more violence on my household and had somehow discovered where I live.
They approached the front door with about 5-8 guys and about 2 or 3 in the back (my conclusion was, to prevent escape). Some of them started banging on the windows and then they started demanding we let them in. I was like: "Yeah this looks pretty bad"
I don't know where my father was at the time (a marine) Right then I was thinking. "Hmm, well it looks like we've only got a few moments before they break in here and presumably start killing usand seeing as how they have us surrounded, looks like we're gonna have to fight them." "And if we fight them we'll probably die" "Ha.I didn't think I'd go out like this." Melchior looked scared shitless, my sister seemed to be wearing the same expression I would imagine I was, which was disgust and slightly horrified. I don't remember where my twin was, but my two other brothers looked just as on edge as the rest of us. I looking around and counting our numbers vs there's and sizing up our defensive ability. I was like"This is worse than helms deep"
My dream pretty much cut off there. I was pretty disappointed with the direction things appeared to be headingI couldn't believe how powerless and cowardly I felt. I kept thinking:" If I had just taken care of these guys on the street this wouldn't have happened." I never want to feel like that again. I realized a long time ago that protecting the people I care about is really important to me. Having them know they can depend on me is really important. And in that dream I really let them down.
(Bare in mind if we ever did have a similar scenario to that happen, the outcome would be a lot different. Seeing as how my brothers are both black belts and my other brother is a boxer/fighter type) I need to be able to protect the people I love and I'll never feel complete, never feel ok until I can do that.
*sigh* I'm just so disappointed in myself. I fail myself so often. Its time to break these bad habits, and its time to start taking those capoeira classes. I'm sick of feeling weak.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Another note entirely,
I rented black snake moan tonight...Should be pretty cool its got christina ricci
and samuel L jackson. How can you go wrong, right?
and as much as that dream troubled me I got over it pretty quickly...and on that note, here's something thats making me happy right now:
Ok so I had a dream last night....or this morning .....something like that. Anyway...
It really kinda bugged me...It upset me in my belly, and disturbed my mind.
It wasn't too lengthy and I won't describe it in its entirety because thats just unnecessary. But basically what happened was I was walking from the grocery store to my grandmother/father's house in my old neighborhood, which had become alot slummier since I'd been gone, and I got mugged on the way home. I was just walking by myself and these guys who'd been circling the area(you could tell they were gang members from how they dressed) like vultures swooped down on me before I even really had time to react. They executed their little strike on me quite expertly. One walked straight up to me to block my path another was hanging back and circling on his bike while a third came up behind me and got me in a sort of headlock. I was pretty scared because I'd never had anything like that happen to me before. (reminder: Its a dream) Plus my neighborhood was always pretty calm I would never expect something like that to happen so close to home. Anyway, I was wearing this expensive leather jacket and they apparently wanted it. I gave it up right away, no struggle or anything, I just slipped out of it and ran away.
As I was approaching my driveway, two things happened,
1) I ran into my father
2) and I spotted a few more members of the same gang in the distance.
My father asked me where my jacket was, I was forced to tell him and he got pretty pissed. Not just at the situation, but at my cowardice I suppose....(after that I felt pretty guilty, ashamed and embarrassed the rest of the night.) We went into the house and I told my grandmother and the rest of my immediate family what happened. We sat around and talked about it over dinner for quite awhile. My brother who lives with my father, (we'll call him Melchior for now), was acting very evasive towards the subject. I couldn't understand why seeing as how he lives down there
I continued to feel on edge throughout the night and kept pacing back and forth between the back porch and the living room, on one of my "trips" I noticed that there seemed to be quite a lot of those gang members descending on my father's house. There were quite a few lurking in the back yard. At first I hoped they were just doing some sort of reconnaissance on me. But I quickly realized that was hoping for too much. For some reason they felt the need to inflict more violence on my household and had somehow discovered where I live.
They approached the front door with about 5-8 guys and about 2 or 3 in the back (my conclusion was, to prevent escape). Some of them started banging on the windows and then they started demanding we let them in. I was like: "Yeah this looks pretty bad"
I don't know where my father was at the time (a marine) Right then I was thinking. "Hmm, well it looks like we've only got a few moments before they break in here and presumably start killing usand seeing as how they have us surrounded, looks like we're gonna have to fight them." "And if we fight them we'll probably die" "Ha.I didn't think I'd go out like this." Melchior looked scared shitless, my sister seemed to be wearing the same expression I would imagine I was, which was disgust and slightly horrified. I don't remember where my twin was, but my two other brothers looked just as on edge as the rest of us. I looking around and counting our numbers vs there's and sizing up our defensive ability. I was like"This is worse than helms deep"
My dream pretty much cut off there. I was pretty disappointed with the direction things appeared to be headingI couldn't believe how powerless and cowardly I felt. I kept thinking:" If I had just taken care of these guys on the street this wouldn't have happened." I never want to feel like that again. I realized a long time ago that protecting the people I care about is really important to me. Having them know they can depend on me is really important. And in that dream I really let them down.
(Bare in mind if we ever did have a similar scenario to that happen, the outcome would be a lot different. Seeing as how my brothers are both black belts and my other brother is a boxer/fighter type) I need to be able to protect the people I love and I'll never feel complete, never feel ok until I can do that.
*sigh* I'm just so disappointed in myself. I fail myself so often. Its time to break these bad habits, and its time to start taking those capoeira classes. I'm sick of feeling weak.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Another note entirely,
I rented black snake moan tonight...Should be pretty cool its got christina ricci
and samuel L jackson. How can you go wrong, right?
and as much as that dream troubled me I got over it pretty quickly...and on that note, here's something thats making me happy right now:
VIEW 14 of 14 COMMENTS
cuntrebecca:
You want a comment? I'll comment on your make-out abilities...they suck!
cuntrebecca:
...and here's another one to grow on.