Life's a funny one you know....
But before I go on, I just need to say, check out The Hicks Website it's my mate's band and they fucking rock!!!!!
...Anyway life. I've been spending weeks just thinking recently. Asking myself, how am I going to get through this, how do i really feel, how will I move on and forget etc etc
The thing is, I've lost the love of my life. I'll never love anyone else the same way, I'll love her until the day I die, and it's so sad to lose someone like that from your life. I know I love her more than ever, even after everything that's happened! I believe her when she tells me she loves me and always will. We've been through enough shit in the last 6 months for 2 lifetimes and now she feels it's too late to save us
I'm not so sure. I believe in real undying love and believe that it's strong enough to heal any wound. I solemnly believe that the love we share makes anything possible and think we could truly happy together still. However I've reached an appreciation for the fact that our opportunity to make this happen is all but gone. So I've accepted that this is the end of the road for us and there will more than likely never be any kind of relationship between us again. This hurts me so much and makes me sadder than I ever imagined possible.
So as you can guess, I've been through every emotion under the sun, denial, devastation, anger (fuck me some serious anger) acceptance. I've now managed to calm down and make sense of a few things.
My thoughts have bemused me and in some ways puzzled me. I have realised that for the last 3 years since I left Uni I've been unhappy! Don't get me wrong not unhappy with her, She's been the one beacon of happiness in my life and it was strong enough to get me kidding myself that I was happy for all this time, that's pretty good performance from her lol. But looking back something has been missing from my life.
We both made big sacrifices when we moved down south to start our new life. I didn't want to come down here and leave my friends but she was worth it and I don't regret it. We kind of planned too long term and sacrificed so much for these long term goals and dreams that I'm not sure were ever what either of us deemed important. House, car kids etc, fuck that! I don't think she believes I sacrificed as much as her or that she believes I actually wanted to give up certain things. Our goals were misguided, don't even know why we er wanted them, conformity? normality? That's not us, where the fuck did it come from? We both gave up too much and just stopped living, tried to fit a picture of what a serious couple should be.
I can only really speak for myself but looking back I can see the things I did to make up for that missing thing. I became a gadget freak (always had tendencies) buying all the latest gear, just to get bored and discard it quickly. I wasn't having the fun that my life has always been about. Not being spontaneous, not having the social interaction that I thrive on in favour of sitting at home watching TV. It was not her fault, she was the only thing that made my life worthwhile, but that in itself is wrong and I should never have let her become the only thing in my life.
I can see now, how when we both sacrificed we both gave up bits of ourselves, worse than that I think they were some of the bits that most attracted us to each other! I just wish we'd seen this coming, but we were so dedicated to each other, we blinded ourselves to what each other was doing.
The mad thing now is that all these bits of my persona are flooding back. I'd lost sight of myself, I'd started to become a person I didn't like. But now I just can't be that way, I need to be me again.
It's been a huge sacrifice for two people to lose their partners, the ones they've always loved and believed to be their soulmates. It's almost criminal that this has happened andI know we'll both regret it in the end. But at the same time I'm strangly content in the fact that I feel like myself again. My confidence is back, I'll talk to anyone I meet again, feels really cool. Of course this is overshadowed by the excruciating hurt of losing my love.
I feel confident for the future, whatever it holds. I know I'm OK. I've got this sense of re-discovery and I realise that I'm a nice chap
. I'm loving, caring, generous and compassionate with a big heart. I'm confident, sociable and even quite humourous from time to time. Don't want to sound arrogant, I mean I'm no Brad Pitt in the looks department and I have my foibles but I'm a good person and I'm almost proud of the person I've grown up to become. I have some great friends who are all top people, you don't make friends like that unless you give back, so I think whatever happens, why shouldn't I have a bright future 
So I guess I've answered my own question about moving on!
For me it's not about forgetting her, stopping myself from loving her, not wanting to share my life with her. My love for her won't ever die, I don't want it to, it's an important part of who I am. Moving on is about recovering the real me, indeed the qualities that made her fall in love with me and might one day make someone else I can love fall in love with me. The things I like about myself and make me happy. It's about living for me, like I should have always done at least to some extent.
And thaty is what I've found myself doing, moving on in my own way. I'll always love my girl, I know that and am happy about the fact, I'll probably always secretly hope for us to end up together again one day. I'm living for me now though and it feels good, natural, right. I know that one day it will swallow up all the huirt I feel now and that puts me at ease.
Stepping back can be so difficult, and sometimes you have to lose something you wish you never had lost. But without doing it, sometimes you'll just destroy yourself. I think we were on that path! My vision is cleared now and despite what I've lost and the hurt I feel I'm glad I've sorted my head out before it was too late.
To my friends: Thank you, the support and guiodance you have given has saved my life, even though I pushed you all away, you kept on trying.
To my girl: Our 6 years has taught me so much, I am abetter person for knowing you and despite this grizzly end, I don't regret a moment. I'll love you forever truly. Good luck with the rest of your life now, please find happiness in whatever form it appears for you. And who knows, maybe, one day we'll meet again, With love like ours, you never can discount it.
And as for me: Don't need luck, I'm sorted, whatever fate is going to throw at me next, bring it on
And that, me thinks, should be the last thing I ever say on this topic!
Have fun!!!!!
But before I go on, I just need to say, check out The Hicks Website it's my mate's band and they fucking rock!!!!!
...Anyway life. I've been spending weeks just thinking recently. Asking myself, how am I going to get through this, how do i really feel, how will I move on and forget etc etc
The thing is, I've lost the love of my life. I'll never love anyone else the same way, I'll love her until the day I die, and it's so sad to lose someone like that from your life. I know I love her more than ever, even after everything that's happened! I believe her when she tells me she loves me and always will. We've been through enough shit in the last 6 months for 2 lifetimes and now she feels it's too late to save us
I'm not so sure. I believe in real undying love and believe that it's strong enough to heal any wound. I solemnly believe that the love we share makes anything possible and think we could truly happy together still. However I've reached an appreciation for the fact that our opportunity to make this happen is all but gone. So I've accepted that this is the end of the road for us and there will more than likely never be any kind of relationship between us again. This hurts me so much and makes me sadder than I ever imagined possible.
So as you can guess, I've been through every emotion under the sun, denial, devastation, anger (fuck me some serious anger) acceptance. I've now managed to calm down and make sense of a few things.
My thoughts have bemused me and in some ways puzzled me. I have realised that for the last 3 years since I left Uni I've been unhappy! Don't get me wrong not unhappy with her, She's been the one beacon of happiness in my life and it was strong enough to get me kidding myself that I was happy for all this time, that's pretty good performance from her lol. But looking back something has been missing from my life.
We both made big sacrifices when we moved down south to start our new life. I didn't want to come down here and leave my friends but she was worth it and I don't regret it. We kind of planned too long term and sacrificed so much for these long term goals and dreams that I'm not sure were ever what either of us deemed important. House, car kids etc, fuck that! I don't think she believes I sacrificed as much as her or that she believes I actually wanted to give up certain things. Our goals were misguided, don't even know why we er wanted them, conformity? normality? That's not us, where the fuck did it come from? We both gave up too much and just stopped living, tried to fit a picture of what a serious couple should be.
I can only really speak for myself but looking back I can see the things I did to make up for that missing thing. I became a gadget freak (always had tendencies) buying all the latest gear, just to get bored and discard it quickly. I wasn't having the fun that my life has always been about. Not being spontaneous, not having the social interaction that I thrive on in favour of sitting at home watching TV. It was not her fault, she was the only thing that made my life worthwhile, but that in itself is wrong and I should never have let her become the only thing in my life.
I can see now, how when we both sacrificed we both gave up bits of ourselves, worse than that I think they were some of the bits that most attracted us to each other! I just wish we'd seen this coming, but we were so dedicated to each other, we blinded ourselves to what each other was doing.
The mad thing now is that all these bits of my persona are flooding back. I'd lost sight of myself, I'd started to become a person I didn't like. But now I just can't be that way, I need to be me again.
It's been a huge sacrifice for two people to lose their partners, the ones they've always loved and believed to be their soulmates. It's almost criminal that this has happened andI know we'll both regret it in the end. But at the same time I'm strangly content in the fact that I feel like myself again. My confidence is back, I'll talk to anyone I meet again, feels really cool. Of course this is overshadowed by the excruciating hurt of losing my love.
I feel confident for the future, whatever it holds. I know I'm OK. I've got this sense of re-discovery and I realise that I'm a nice chap
. I'm loving, caring, generous and compassionate with a big heart. I'm confident, sociable and even quite humourous from time to time. Don't want to sound arrogant, I mean I'm no Brad Pitt in the looks department and I have my foibles but I'm a good person and I'm almost proud of the person I've grown up to become. I have some great friends who are all top people, you don't make friends like that unless you give back, so I think whatever happens, why shouldn't I have a bright future
So I guess I've answered my own question about moving on!
For me it's not about forgetting her, stopping myself from loving her, not wanting to share my life with her. My love for her won't ever die, I don't want it to, it's an important part of who I am. Moving on is about recovering the real me, indeed the qualities that made her fall in love with me and might one day make someone else I can love fall in love with me. The things I like about myself and make me happy. It's about living for me, like I should have always done at least to some extent.
And thaty is what I've found myself doing, moving on in my own way. I'll always love my girl, I know that and am happy about the fact, I'll probably always secretly hope for us to end up together again one day. I'm living for me now though
and it feels good, natural, right. I know that one day it will swallow up all the huirt I feel now and that puts me at ease.
Stepping back can be so difficult, and sometimes you have to lose something you wish you never had lost. But without doing it, sometimes you'll just destroy yourself. I think we were on that path! My vision is cleared now and despite what I've lost and the hurt I feel I'm glad I've sorted my head out before it was too late.
To my friends: Thank you, the support and guiodance you have given has saved my life, even though I pushed you all away, you kept on trying.
To my girl: Our 6 years has taught me so much, I am abetter person for knowing you and despite this grizzly end, I don't regret a moment. I'll love you forever truly. Good luck with the rest of your life now, please find happiness in whatever form it appears for you. And who knows, maybe, one day we'll meet again, With love like ours, you never can discount it.
And as for me: Don't need luck, I'm sorted, whatever fate is going to throw at me next, bring it on
And that, me thinks, should be the last thing I ever say on this topic!
Have fun!!!!!
I hope you find new happiness.
Mwah.