Late night thoughts...

10

Being a suicidegirl has been one of my biggest dreams since I was about 17. Lately I've been having a hard time finding the reasons to continue doing this.

Being invited to the Cabo shootfest almost 2 years ago was hands down the best most surreal and magical week of my life. It's a beautiful place and I got to meet amazingly beautiful people(both inside and out). Looking back I feel like I didn't take advantage like I should have and I took it for granite. I should have taken more pictures and tried to be in more pictures. I don't think I'll get an opportunity like that again but if by some crazy chance I do I'm kicking it up a notch at least one more time.

Part of the struggle is that there isn't really a scene of photography and modeling here. Most "photographers" are just creeps with cameras and there's only about 4 hopefuls in my area.

I'm not even really that concerned about "going pink" but I do want to model and do more professional shoots and travel and this is really the only platform I trust and that I feel like I have control over. I'm just feeling really alone in all of this and don't really have any guidance when it comes to this stuff.

I also am broke and wouldn't even be able to afford another shootfest, and I really want some tattoos that I have worked on more/covered up before I set up a shoot that I have to pay $600 that I'll just hate in a few years because I won't have those tattoos anymore.(Yea that was a long sentence I know)

im just feeling a little ashamed right now I guess, don't get me wrong, you're all wonderful and very flattering but I'm just trying to think of my future here and if I will care about being this exposed on the internet in a few years or not.

VIEW 13 of 13 COMMENTS
skunchsquirrel:
And also SG has been naming "honorary SGs" and turning them pink as long as they submit one set, but they're already instagram famous and never posted one blog or photo other than the shoot that they were basically already paid to do. 
nebula:
If you don't want family seeing sg types of posts, either block them from the account or make a separate ig for sg :) social media is one of the easiest ways to engage new followers and build a base - not *necessary* for going pink, but certainly helpful, and helpful for modeling in general and definitely for finding photographers to work with. As for diversity of girls on the front page - I'd really like to see more  WOC, I can name several black hopefuls and darker skinned Latina hopefuls who deserve to go front page, but I do think they're working on this and they have been buying more variety size/shape/age. Also, some girls who have been hopefuls for ages have gone pink recently - ivylina, lillymai, lorii, libris - some of whom were hopefuls longer than you have been, and that should give hope to a lot of girls. As for them buying girls who are famous I the industry elsewhere - That's good business. It brings new members to the site, which is good for lesser known girls like you and me. And for repeat buying sets from popular SGs - That's also partly because popular girls (esp with big social media followings) bring in new members, but it's also partly a perk of being pink. That's part of why many girls want to go pink - you're more likely to have sets bought! Can't begrudge that just because you're not there yet. I dunno. I honestly think SG and the community here are what you make of them. I've been a member a long time (since 2008) and I've been around for more site changes than most. I've only been a hopeful for about 10 months and I've tried to reall. Put myself out there - if there aren't events in my area, I organize them. I spend time on the site, there aren't a lot of girls in my immediate area but I've gotten close with the couple that are out  here. I just met a bunch of east coast girls while visiting family in NY. I have driven 4-6 hours for sg events. I've branched out to explore modeling for myself outside of sg. I've met amazing friends and photographers through Instagram because of SG. I'm not naturally an outgoing person, I'm very introverted, but I love SG and I get back from it at least as much as I put into it. Do I want to go pink? Very badly. But I don't feel entitled to going pink, and if I never do I am still really enjoying my time here. That makes it worth it to me. If your enjoyment of SG is entirely based on whether or not you have a set bought, I think you're missing out on a lot. 

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