Since I've been a part of the SG community as a hopeful, I have been on many different journeys. Dreads, crystal healing, spiritual, etc. Really, with every journey I wanted one thing... to find happiness. One day I sat down, after trying all of these different things to be happy, and I cried. Like, a lot. I didn't know how to be happy anymore, and I didn't know if it would ever change.
I decided to write down the things that made me unhappy. Not making steady money was a big one, but the rest were all based on my looks, or my personality! So it dawned on me, I'm so unhappy because I don't love myself! I constantly compare myself to other girls, and it's not at all healthy! For 3 years I've tortured myself trying to compare my life to everyone else's and it made me really lose myself. I walked on eggshells because I didn't want to be my normal quirky self in fear of pissing people off. The girl who never gave a shit what people thought all of a sudden cared about every Facebook comment...
I started loving myself again with a very bold move. Not giving a shit. I started telling people exactly what I thought. Posting the things I wanted to post. Did I lose some friends? Yeah, but were they really my friends if they were living with the facade that I was some conservative little voiceless girl? No. Then I started looking in the mirror, everyday, and telling myself I'm pretty, I'm beautiful, I'm a badass, I am loved, etc.
Those 2 things alone were huge steps toward my inner repair. All of this happened while I was pregnant, which is normally an extremely hard time for women to love themselves, but I did it! I'm fucking proud! It only took 3 years, a lot of sweat, tears, fighting, and depression to get over all of this and I couldn't be happier.
Side note, isn't it crazy how when you're depressed you're so drained that even the most simple tasks are difficult? Like, summer is my favorite time of year. I remember sitting outside last summer being exhausted and just wanting to go to bed. It was literally too hard for me to even sit anywhere but my bed. Now I'm able to DRIVE places again. Get out of the house, have adventures! Damn, I was missing out by not living life! All the beauty out there, nature, people...
I hope this can be helpful to someone. I know I've said it before but I truly do believe I was meant to struggle in order to help others in some way. If I can help someone learn from things that have happened to me, then I'm doing what I was meant to do :D
Much love everyone!
Skully