Been laying in bed crying and dwelling. Thought about suicide; it's not the first time. Just a passing thought. Was saying, just feel free to bury me next to my dog. I miss him so much. God why does life have to be so fucking miserable? And fuck the asshole who hit him and kept on driving. If I find you I will tear your body to pieces. I will make Dexter look like fucking Santa Clause. It's a bummer there's not a Hell, because I would get great satisfaction knowing you're writhing in agony for all eternity. Yes, my hate towards you couldn't possibly get any bigger. And I have every right to feel this way.
It's been a rough weekend. My great uncle died at 86. He was ready. He actually died on his wife's birthday who had passed away a few years before him. True love doesn't get any sweeter. I think he missed her.
Wit called a few days ago, asked me to go out for her birthday. Had the funeral and family obligations. I didn't even tell her happy birthday because I was so down. I'm sure she's not happy with me. *sigh*
I won't live to be 86; that's a guarantee. With all my medical problems........no. But I knew that before the cancer. This is just an added bonus to the seizures and depression.
These past couple of days have been painful and a realization that I really feel like the lowly step child taken for granted, a burden Hollywood portrays, at least that's how it seems sometimes. I might as well not exist in real life, only on the internet. It's the only place I seem to matter.
The hundred bucks I have in my account is a constant reminder that people suck and I lost my drive a long time ago. The abundance of Taco Bell Manager positions being posted is a constant reminder that I am evidently not good enough. Fuck you. I ran my own Cold Stone, so yeah fuck you. They didn't even give me a passing glance. And it was Taco.........Bell.
If you have my number, please don't text me. I don't want to talk about anything. Please don't PM me. I don't want to talk about it. I just need to get this out and see the support on my blog that my ails are not being fought alone; that I am not alone. I know I don't respond, but believe it or not seeing the support really does help tremendously. And that's what I need right now. You don't have to write a lot, just a hug or a kiss to let me know I'm not alone. Please.
It's been a rough weekend. My great uncle died at 86. He was ready. He actually died on his wife's birthday who had passed away a few years before him. True love doesn't get any sweeter. I think he missed her.
Wit called a few days ago, asked me to go out for her birthday. Had the funeral and family obligations. I didn't even tell her happy birthday because I was so down. I'm sure she's not happy with me. *sigh*
I won't live to be 86; that's a guarantee. With all my medical problems........no. But I knew that before the cancer. This is just an added bonus to the seizures and depression.
These past couple of days have been painful and a realization that I really feel like the lowly step child taken for granted, a burden Hollywood portrays, at least that's how it seems sometimes. I might as well not exist in real life, only on the internet. It's the only place I seem to matter.
The hundred bucks I have in my account is a constant reminder that people suck and I lost my drive a long time ago. The abundance of Taco Bell Manager positions being posted is a constant reminder that I am evidently not good enough. Fuck you. I ran my own Cold Stone, so yeah fuck you. They didn't even give me a passing glance. And it was Taco.........Bell.
If you have my number, please don't text me. I don't want to talk about anything. Please don't PM me. I don't want to talk about it. I just need to get this out and see the support on my blog that my ails are not being fought alone; that I am not alone. I know I don't respond, but believe it or not seeing the support really does help tremendously. And that's what I need right now. You don't have to write a lot, just a hug or a kiss to let me know I'm not alone. Please.
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I've had that told to me a lot this year and it's helped me get through.
And, unless I'm misreading something, I believe Wit is in fact understanding of your situation and is supportive.
Hope to see you soon!