skeeve

Ok, new blog, though not really a new mood unfortunately. I seem to be happiest when I have something to distract me from what I see as my many problems. Which is I'm sure normal and whatever, and they don't usually bother me... i don't know. I'd like this to be an organized blog that's easy to follow but I kinda feel like rambling..... and it may be self-referential so bear with me here.

My first problem: I feel like an attention whore a lot. I know some of you would say, "It's fine to talk about how you feel to your friends and the people that care about you" and some of you (more honest ones) might say, "Yeah you are a bit of an attention whore sometimes. But not a bad one." So here's my issue. Sometimes, I feel like being alone. That's perfectly natural and normal and whatever. Everybody needs time to collect their thoughts. I frequently feel like I need to TELL people I need time to be alone though. Or to tell people that I'm feeling kinda shitty or whatever and so on. Which I realize is basically what I'm doing right now.

The obvious solution is just to shut up and go away for a bit without "warning". I mean, yeah, if I were disappearing for months or something it might be courteous to let people know so nobody worried. If I take a night off or even a few nights, I doubt anybody would notice, care, or worry.

My problem with that solution is that I'm afraid that if I do just take off for a day or two and nobody notices, cares or worries, that I'll lose some of the friends I've made. Which I realize is 100% completely irrational.

Sure, some people might. But the people that genuinely care about me would stick around. This problem, like the above, is one of being an attention whore. As much as I hate to admit it (and rationally, logically, all that deep down it's not true), I like the attention. I liked when my blogs were getting 20 comments the first day I posted them. I felt validated, like I existed and was important.

The solution to that problem is realizing the problem with it. When you thrive off attention (which, to be blunt, I do) you always seek more. You crave it and validate yourself with it. And eventually, everybody hits a limit. There's only so much attention that can be paid. It's like a drug.

You gotta realize that, and go cold turkey and stay away from it.

So... I guess my solution is to get the fuck off SG for a while. I'm being an attention whore by posting this here, but I think I have good reasons this time.

Here's another problem. I get bored. I like being able to just chill here and talk to a few people. So I won't go cold turkey. I don't think I'm quite that bad. I know I have a problem. I see the ways it's been affecting me. I just need to spend less time here. Even less than I have been recently. We'll see if I can or not. I already have been doing this to some extent so I guess this is more of a late notification than anything else.

I'm still here. So don't tell me you hope I come back soon or anything. Don't tell me you hope to see me posting as much as I used to because.. honestly I hope I don't. Not for a very very long time. Don't tell me I'm making a fuss about nothing because I know everything I've said here is true.

I guess I'm just asking for more attention with this blog.... I really shouldn't even post it. I should just take a day or two off and not lie to myself that people are going to freak out. But I guess I value some of your opinions. So I'll post it. Knowing full well that it's attention seeking. So if you're sitting there sighing to yourself, "Not again. Jeez I thought we were done with his shit." or something, rest assured, you're not alone. I'm thinking it too. Sorry to have inconvenienced you. If it reeeeally bothers you you can go ahead and click that "end friendship" button and then click the "ignore member" button right next to it

Tell me what's good in your life!