sjofn_

oops I did it again....


I got a text from you late afternoon, it simply read : Heather I need space, I do like you but it's going too fast and I'm not ready'

I put the phone down and Kinda frowned at it like it was the phone's fault.Of course my first thought was to laugh which I did. Really I knew this was going to happen, NOthing that felt so good and right ever lasts a whirl wind weekend with a amazing guy every thing I was always looking for? yup to good to be true.

The next thing that went threw my head was damn I just go played ! Anger and resentment went threw me hating the penis caring race that I love and hate so much. Sometimes when you get so Angry you cry but I didn't let them fall. They stood on my eyes just making my sight blurry and again I cursed my weakness.
I did what any cool, ass chick would do, I text him back 30 min. Later and told him I understood and thanks for the text message in letting me know. Hoping he understood the lameness in taking the coward way out. I almost felt like I should have gave him a high five or something .

I spent the next hour or so fantasizing he's down fall and how he will realize he's huge mistake in letting me go. And I being the strong female will laugh at him as he kissed my feet begging me for forgiveness .

Then the Text messages came and phone calls, from mutual friends or ours that wanted to show there support in me by bad mouthing him and telling me they knew he was like this and he was such a player.

It got to the point where I felt bad for this guy who needs to take a step away from life and rethink about himself and get new friends. I did what any angry female would do and I text him and told him what he's friends were saying about him. I knew him for such a short time but I knew his insecerties lye in People trashy him.

He sent me a long text saying that he was truly sorry and it is it how he does things and what people are saying are not the truth. His heart belong to another and it was it fair to me and he lied to me about being over his ex.

An ex who messed with his head beat him up, took his money cheated on him and well over all amazing wonderful women to spend 3 years with. And a women to end a great relationship with a nother women that is a good person.

sigh

I understood it to well, and I told him that, I told him it will take time and I'm not angry with him. I told him that I will always be there for him as a friend if he needs to vent or just talk. ( we talked for hours all the time) He told me he really enjoyed my company and I was a cool girl. I laughed and replied that he should remember that and don't let me slip threw the cracks of life because I make a good friend and he needs a good friend.

I didn't hear from him after that.Maybe he did play me? Maybe he's so messed up by his ex. I don't know,

All I feel now is sadness and feeling stupid that I let this happen, that he was everything I wanted but it was it real and it was a illusion on both are parts.

sigh

Oops I did it again