sjofn_

I hate weddings, I Think I mostly hate the drama that goes with it, The rules that you have to follow. The being nice to family, when all you want to do is punch them in the gut.

I also hate how the more I drink the more secrets come out. I really can't stand that about myself. I become a little gossiper . It's like vomit escaping my mouth every chance it got.

I hate how this one set of the family no one talks to because they are trashy.. my mother's words not mine. But you know what the've never said anything bad about anyone of us.

My cousin Kissed my aunt right on the lips.... We all stood shocked and she was stunned

Okay okay got off track there.

I'm starving, really hungry and I know I should just make something but my legs hurt my head and neck hurt as well.

I've been reading these Journals and working all this week and my eyes hurt.


Man arn't I just a mess .

I need a good book to read and a good movie to watch let me know if you have any idea's

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oh here's some more from those Journals..

October 22......

Delena and I had broken into a church, Phil was off trying to make a kill in some Little Town across the way in Mexico. Delena was off her rocker, She scared me I would never tell her that though, even Phil was nervous about leaving me with her, but the need for drugs was so great.

Delena climbed up on to the alter and started pretending she was giving a sermon I ignored her. I may not believe in the christian God but I will not disrespect any religion.

The church was abandon , Years of dust had collected and spider webs were every where in strange way it was beautiful

" I want Phil" Delena said

Poor Delena once so pretty and amazing intill the drugs over took her life. She's just a shell anymore she was too pale and way to thin. HEr once pretty blue eyes were bland
and she picked at her skin and there were marks every where.

Delena was not right in her head.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Phil is it back yet Delena is not doing well, she's crying and shaking, I really don't know what to do. I'm craving for drugs but I'm not losing my mind, She got sick for a little and I said a little pray for forgiviness to the mighty god.

I have visions of us dying in hell Mexico is like hell, the dirt the stench and the heat.
Where's Phil.




Feb 8........

It is our last evening in los Vegas and were spending it, in the Pent house/whore house.
The oldman child sat with us and chatted like nothing was wrong. That Jenny and I did not have a fist fight over her whorish behavior. He would put on a childish act the way he spoke and I clenched my teeth so I wouldn't say anything, this was his home, and he was fucking my girlfriend so we could stay here.... But I hated Vegas ... But my hatred was really towards Jenny.

I sit here now with a stone face as this odd old man child talks crudely of his meat, She smiled beautifully always the actress, she was too good at being the whore.

He kept making Squeshy noises there was no point to his ramblings just a vulgar display of a waste of human life. He talks of feeding us dinner, but I would not eat what he has to serve. She said something and he started clapping.... I need to get out of here this hour not tomorrow !...

The sun is setting the sky lits up in a swirl of PInk and yellow

I hate Jenny....



September 7..... ( no Year)

I dreamt that the world was in a snow globe though the snow was different color flowers and not snow at all. IT was it the world as we know it.There was no rocks,trees or water... no the world was a big bouncing ball, a twisting rubberizing bouncing ball!

You could run along this world in a hop and a skip. Using the ground and jumping for long distance. While different color flowers fall on you. The trees and grass were made from this same materiel. But Heaven was cold and dark.

In my dream I'm hoping around with these flowers laughing like a child, a rubbery bird flies by and I catch it no feather's on it just rubber. I fine this silly. and I don't know what species it is.

There are People that I don't know sitting around with forks and spoons trying to cut into the Earth. There skin is taunt against there bones I knew in the back of my mind they were starving, but the flowers and my new friend the rubbery bird makes me so happy I don't care....

That world looked the same except the rubber and the starving People and of course the flowers....

Then I awoke

My teeth clenched with such a great hunger that my stomach churned and I leaned over and gagged in till acid came up and burned my throat and nose. I lit a smoke and started writing... I despise my addiction


Remember you can read these at











The Madness of Me