sjofn_

"The tears of the world are a constant quality. For each one who begins to weep, somewhere else another stops. The same is true of the laugh. "
-Samuel Beckett


Please just give me my dreams and Life back!!I"ve been cheated and beaten to where my soul hurts. So I just ask to give my dreams back to me.

I awoke early today, surprising I slept good, I drew in a shaky breath as I stood on my porch with a cup of coffee, traffic zoomed by the front of my house and a young man across the street had his little daughter in the grass by the church.

Last night and today I had to tell myself that I would not cry not for him not for sperm donor. I will not cry and feel bad for myself.

I lite a smoke as I type this... wondering how I should say it.... how I should say about something that is so horrible or atleast it is to me. I do not want to be a Victim, I am not weak!!! I'm still in shock, I've seen so much in my life time but yet for a reason this is so horrible and hurts me so. Like I'm not real and I have no feelings or importance in life.....

I bled last night, I was out and I bled, I was certain that I was losing my baby, a life force that was growing inside of me is gone. Sperm donor was at the bar and I asked him to take me home, I called my doctor and he confirmed that just by what I was saying It seemed that I was miscarrying. The Doc stated that I needed to get home and let it run it's course and have some one there for me for support and ect.

So Sperm donor was my first thought, He told me to give him 20 minutes and he will take care of me.... Those 20 min turned into a hour then almost 2. The cramping started and it was getting uncomfortable to sit. He Played 3 games of Pool I counted ..... I went to the bathroom and when I came out He was gone....

Yes Sperm donor left me at the bar with no ride.... not a care for my well being , he slipped out when I was in the bathroom, like a coward.

I did not contact him, I wouldn't do that not for him.

I awoke this morning to no more bled my cramps were gone, I called my doc and told him, and I have to go see him tomorrow my doctor and he has to run some test to see if it happen. The fact that I'm not bleeding anymore is a good change that I'm still prego's.

I 'm shocked at sperm donor, shock to say the least, I'm hurt