hello hello!
saw dawn of the dead last night.. can I say that I thought it was really super lame?!! I expected it to be ALOT more scary.. and the stupid blonde girl with a heart of gold... she was just plain fucking annoying... I almost turned it off because it was boring me to tears... but I wanted to see the end.. theres only ONE movie in existence that I've walked out of.. and it was some robert de niro movie called 'the fan' I walked out half way through lol...
but can I say.. that zombiequeen was spooktacular!!!
that women is such hottness!
dont you just hate it when people let you down? and dont you just hate it when people suck you dry emotionally... and then you never hear from then again because they finally found a girlfriend.. it hurts my feelings... but as I get older.. .I'm wanting the burden I guess of friends to be lessened... its sad to say that I find alot of 'acquaintences' to be burdens.. but its what they are... I have about 8 friends that understand me.. arent jealous of me.. and love me for who I am... they are
Mark
Bill
Richard
Tobias
Carey
Matt
Denise
Chauntelle
isnt that sad? I struggled when I got to the end of that to think of people that really mean something to me.. and I mean something to them.. . and people who I know if they get partners I will just be integrated and celebrated into their lives... I know if they got partners I would have a new friend... not loose an old one...
I've been very sad on the friends front lately.. something that I havent really told anyone about ...
I spent months organising Adrian's 30th birthday party... and noone came...well about 4 people... when we had an original list of 30 that we thought wouldnt miss it for the world... it was my beautiful boys big day.. and noone came.. which kind of just hammered in all these things I've been thinking and feeling about the people we know... its quite obvious where we stand... but I cant help but want to hide in a cave and think about what went wrong.. what did we do? or what didnt we do? I dont know.. I've exhausted myself thinking about this for weeks now...
Anyway..suffice to say... we've left/been left behind... it upsets me.. because why would people be so nice to your face and obviously secretly hate you.. or not like you? thats something that I've always been most proud of about myself.... if I dont like you.. .you know about it... or if I have a problem with you... we work through it... I bring it up... i dont let it fester.. because my friends mean something to me.. and if I'm pissed at them they deserve to know... also... humans mean more to me.. everyone deserves to know the truth so they can then deal with it in their way
anyway.. blergh.. there its out in the open now... I've always known its just me and my select friends.... doesnt stop me feeling very very very lonely as all of that list lives very far away from me except Bill.. and very misunderstood... yes I'm complex.. but I'm simple in the way that I have all my cards on the table showing everyone.. there is no hidden meaning to anything I do.. and maybe thats where it all goes wrong.. because people think.. jesus if thats what she says imagine what she thinks!
Anyway.. I know it should be all like 'its their loss I'm a super good person and a good friend and a loving human... it their loss if they get fucked up about me..' and I do feel that to a certain extent... but at the same time.. I cant help but wonder.. what is wrong with me? why do people have such bad reactions to me and how I live my life? Am I horrible?
saw dawn of the dead last night.. can I say that I thought it was really super lame?!! I expected it to be ALOT more scary.. and the stupid blonde girl with a heart of gold... she was just plain fucking annoying... I almost turned it off because it was boring me to tears... but I wanted to see the end.. theres only ONE movie in existence that I've walked out of.. and it was some robert de niro movie called 'the fan' I walked out half way through lol...
but can I say.. that zombiequeen was spooktacular!!!
that women is such hottness!
dont you just hate it when people let you down? and dont you just hate it when people suck you dry emotionally... and then you never hear from then again because they finally found a girlfriend.. it hurts my feelings... but as I get older.. .I'm wanting the burden I guess of friends to be lessened... its sad to say that I find alot of 'acquaintences' to be burdens.. but its what they are... I have about 8 friends that understand me.. arent jealous of me.. and love me for who I am... they are
Mark
Bill
Richard
Tobias
Carey
Matt
Denise
Chauntelle
isnt that sad? I struggled when I got to the end of that to think of people that really mean something to me.. and I mean something to them.. . and people who I know if they get partners I will just be integrated and celebrated into their lives... I know if they got partners I would have a new friend... not loose an old one...
I've been very sad on the friends front lately.. something that I havent really told anyone about ...
I spent months organising Adrian's 30th birthday party... and noone came...well about 4 people... when we had an original list of 30 that we thought wouldnt miss it for the world... it was my beautiful boys big day.. and noone came.. which kind of just hammered in all these things I've been thinking and feeling about the people we know... its quite obvious where we stand... but I cant help but want to hide in a cave and think about what went wrong.. what did we do? or what didnt we do? I dont know.. I've exhausted myself thinking about this for weeks now...
Anyway..suffice to say... we've left/been left behind... it upsets me.. because why would people be so nice to your face and obviously secretly hate you.. or not like you? thats something that I've always been most proud of about myself.... if I dont like you.. .you know about it... or if I have a problem with you... we work through it... I bring it up... i dont let it fester.. because my friends mean something to me.. and if I'm pissed at them they deserve to know... also... humans mean more to me.. everyone deserves to know the truth so they can then deal with it in their way
anyway.. blergh.. there its out in the open now... I've always known its just me and my select friends.... doesnt stop me feeling very very very lonely as all of that list lives very far away from me except Bill.. and very misunderstood... yes I'm complex.. but I'm simple in the way that I have all my cards on the table showing everyone.. there is no hidden meaning to anything I do.. and maybe thats where it all goes wrong.. because people think.. jesus if thats what she says imagine what she thinks!
Anyway.. I know it should be all like 'its their loss I'm a super good person and a good friend and a loving human... it their loss if they get fucked up about me..' and I do feel that to a certain extent... but at the same time.. I cant help but wonder.. what is wrong with me? why do people have such bad reactions to me and how I live my life? Am I horrible?
VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
Having said that, I hear "Shaun of the Dead" is a better movie than the original.
Cheer up, the SGAU love their queen of the 60ft. Have a good week.
Ah fuck it. Resident Evil 2 was shit too. Lucky I saw Collateral and The Corporation. Well wicked.
Don't get mad get vegan.
The stronger you stick to your guns, the more integrity you become aware of the more others want to bring you down. It's their fear. "Don't expose me by shining so bright!! I'm little" It's the class clown thing. Hey look I need attention. The deeper you go the more you notice, and so your friends seem less and less. This is strength. You are worthy of the challenge.
Keep feeling. The beauty of life is it's tenderness. Although they don't know how to ask that's what they want.
[Edited on Oct 25, 2004 6:19AM]