Right-so for those of you who don't know I'm grieving... check yesterday's post.
I'm having one hell of a time with this... taking it a step at a time, but oh my god... I can barely squeak out a sentence today without bawling.
It's also really hard because Jon's a philosophy major-and thinks we kinda just disappear when we die. SO all of the sweet wishful thinking from my mom and aunts about my Grandma in heaven and reuniting with family members is obliterated around him. He makes me terrified to die... bleh
Also... I have been trying to keep it together around him lately because of the law school in North Dakota thing-so I've been supressing emotion for a while. It's bad for you, don't do it. I screwed up a printing job and burst into tears... Then I tried to tell my professor that I needed to go talk to a counsellor because my grandma died, and I couldn't get a sentence out... I just lost it.
Then I was alone for the first time since it happened... I must have sobbed for like 10 minutes in my car. I can't keep it together when I'm alone because all of it has been pushed back for so long... I'm absolutely sure I need antidepressants again...
between Grandma, my scholarship, my aunt, and jon leaving... i'm a basketcase... and i have a round of 5 exams coming up in the next 8 days...
ugh
I'm having one hell of a time with this... taking it a step at a time, but oh my god... I can barely squeak out a sentence today without bawling.
It's also really hard because Jon's a philosophy major-and thinks we kinda just disappear when we die. SO all of the sweet wishful thinking from my mom and aunts about my Grandma in heaven and reuniting with family members is obliterated around him. He makes me terrified to die... bleh
Also... I have been trying to keep it together around him lately because of the law school in North Dakota thing-so I've been supressing emotion for a while. It's bad for you, don't do it. I screwed up a printing job and burst into tears... Then I tried to tell my professor that I needed to go talk to a counsellor because my grandma died, and I couldn't get a sentence out... I just lost it.
Then I was alone for the first time since it happened... I must have sobbed for like 10 minutes in my car. I can't keep it together when I'm alone because all of it has been pushed back for so long... I'm absolutely sure I need antidepressants again...
between Grandma, my scholarship, my aunt, and jon leaving... i'm a basketcase... and i have a round of 5 exams coming up in the next 8 days...
ugh
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Know that our thoughts are with you and that some of us can commiserate a little - my Dad has just been given inside of a year to live due to terminal small-cell carcenoma (lung cancer) and I've just moved 6000 miles away from everyone I love to Australia. It's been a little overwhelming here and there so I feel your pain to some degree.
The one thing I must try and get across is that you shouldn't feel any regret with your Grandma's passing. Regret is a wasteful emotion and I'm sure she wouldn't want you to feel it. Living your life well is the ultimate gift to your ancestors.
Good luck with everything.
xo