There's nothing quite like watching someone lie right to your face. Like, you both know exactly what the truth is. You confront the person and they tell you their story. You tell them you know it's not true, but they still hold to their story. I cannot imagine a more horrible thing to do to someone you love than to lie to them like that.
I know that at least once when I was a boy I did this. The last time I ever lied and stuck to my story was when I was 16 and my friend Chris and I went to Calhoun Square for the day. We went back to his house and picked up his amplifier so we could jam at my house. We put it in the back seat and, when we turned a sharp corner, the amp hurled across the back seat and smashed one of my parents' car's windows.
Chris and I made up a total lie - that we had been in Calhoun Square and someone smashed the window with a rock or something. I stuck to that lie for years.
But nowadays I think the only lies I stick to are when I call in sick to work when I just want the day off. I probably shouldn't do that, I hate doing that.
When I was 24 years old, I had an ex-girlfriend lie to me numerous times. One time, she told me that she was showing all her friends at school my music and my web page online. Then, I got an email from one of those "friends." I think her name was "Kristin" and she was from "Norway."
Well, we exchanged a few emails and, one day I was hanging out with Renee in her college dorm room and Kristin came in. She didn't seem to recognize me as she asked who I was. I was like, "It's me, Matthew Delfino. You know, the guy you've been emailing, the musician?"
She looked at me blankly. "No, I don't know you. I have never sent an email to you."
I was like, "Your name is Kristin, right? And you are from Norway, yes?"
She was like, "Yeah, my name is Kristin and I am from Norway, but I don't know you."
I looked at Renee and she started laughing. Kristin left the room and I was like, "What the HELL is going on, Renee?"
She said, "I don't know." She stuck to that story to this day. Months later, I was not talking to her and she called me about 20 times in one evening, she sent me email from both her account and her "friend's" account. I emailed her friend and told her that she was being immature. She called me and left a voice mail message saying, "I'm immature? I'm immature?? No, Matthew, you're the one who's being immature! You have to call me!!!" This, along with the fact that "Kristin's" Hotmail password was the same one as Renee's (she used "password" which was pretty dumb) had me 100% clear on her lie.
That was not the only thing Renee lied to me about by a long shot. And to solve problems caused by her lies, she just came up with new ones. Renee believed that reality was perception and that she had the ability to manipulate reality by telling people things that weren't true. Renee didn't believe in "the truth." We once debated this.
I couldn't believe she was such a prolific liar at first and submitted myself to letting her have her stories, even though I knew the score. But as time went on and the painful experiences of enduring her lies outweighed and indeed even erased my memories of the good times I shared with her, I came to simply accept the fact that she was poisoned and twisted and nothing I could do would change that, I had to move on. This is the reason I do not have a relationship of any kind with her now.
Why would people spend so much time and energy lying so much? Managing all those stories and remembering whom you told which story to seems like a lot of unnecessary bullshit to me. Is it the power they feel when they lie? Is there a freedom from others' disappointment that they try to get? I only have told stories when I was too cowardly to be straight with the people I loved. Or, in the case of work, I really needed a day off and bending the truth a little seemed fine to me - they were my sick days, I wanted them.
But I really believe that something dies in relationships when we lie to those people.
Merlin, in the movie "Excalibur," is asked by King Arthur to answer the question, "What is a knight's greatest quality? No riddles, just a straight answer." Merlin says, "Alright then. Truth. Yes, it must be truth! When a man lies he murders some part of the world. You should know that!"
"Excalibur" when I was a teenager and "Superman" when I was a child were both movies that shaped my sense of morality.
What do you think? Have you ever told a story to someone you loved in your adult years an outright lie, not just lying by omission, but spinning a tale to fool them into believing something you designed? Who were they? Anyone you loved? How did it make you feel? How did it make you feel about them? Do you ever feel guilt when you lie, or does it seem easy and guiltless?
Post a comment and let me know.
Here's what I think: Lies, next to murder, are what I believe have the potential to be the worst crimes you can commit on someone. I believe it is from lying that adultery, betrayal, denial and theft are sourced. It is the first and greatest tool of Fear, what I believe to be the un-Love or anti-Love in the spiritual dichotomy of Love and Fear, that which God has split itself into to experience and understand himself. Or maybe it's just lying? Jesus, I don't know...
I know that at least once when I was a boy I did this. The last time I ever lied and stuck to my story was when I was 16 and my friend Chris and I went to Calhoun Square for the day. We went back to his house and picked up his amplifier so we could jam at my house. We put it in the back seat and, when we turned a sharp corner, the amp hurled across the back seat and smashed one of my parents' car's windows.
Chris and I made up a total lie - that we had been in Calhoun Square and someone smashed the window with a rock or something. I stuck to that lie for years.
But nowadays I think the only lies I stick to are when I call in sick to work when I just want the day off. I probably shouldn't do that, I hate doing that.
When I was 24 years old, I had an ex-girlfriend lie to me numerous times. One time, she told me that she was showing all her friends at school my music and my web page online. Then, I got an email from one of those "friends." I think her name was "Kristin" and she was from "Norway."
Well, we exchanged a few emails and, one day I was hanging out with Renee in her college dorm room and Kristin came in. She didn't seem to recognize me as she asked who I was. I was like, "It's me, Matthew Delfino. You know, the guy you've been emailing, the musician?"
She looked at me blankly. "No, I don't know you. I have never sent an email to you."
I was like, "Your name is Kristin, right? And you are from Norway, yes?"
She was like, "Yeah, my name is Kristin and I am from Norway, but I don't know you."
I looked at Renee and she started laughing. Kristin left the room and I was like, "What the HELL is going on, Renee?"
She said, "I don't know." She stuck to that story to this day. Months later, I was not talking to her and she called me about 20 times in one evening, she sent me email from both her account and her "friend's" account. I emailed her friend and told her that she was being immature. She called me and left a voice mail message saying, "I'm immature? I'm immature?? No, Matthew, you're the one who's being immature! You have to call me!!!" This, along with the fact that "Kristin's" Hotmail password was the same one as Renee's (she used "password" which was pretty dumb) had me 100% clear on her lie.
That was not the only thing Renee lied to me about by a long shot. And to solve problems caused by her lies, she just came up with new ones. Renee believed that reality was perception and that she had the ability to manipulate reality by telling people things that weren't true. Renee didn't believe in "the truth." We once debated this.
I couldn't believe she was such a prolific liar at first and submitted myself to letting her have her stories, even though I knew the score. But as time went on and the painful experiences of enduring her lies outweighed and indeed even erased my memories of the good times I shared with her, I came to simply accept the fact that she was poisoned and twisted and nothing I could do would change that, I had to move on. This is the reason I do not have a relationship of any kind with her now.
Why would people spend so much time and energy lying so much? Managing all those stories and remembering whom you told which story to seems like a lot of unnecessary bullshit to me. Is it the power they feel when they lie? Is there a freedom from others' disappointment that they try to get? I only have told stories when I was too cowardly to be straight with the people I loved. Or, in the case of work, I really needed a day off and bending the truth a little seemed fine to me - they were my sick days, I wanted them.
But I really believe that something dies in relationships when we lie to those people.
Merlin, in the movie "Excalibur," is asked by King Arthur to answer the question, "What is a knight's greatest quality? No riddles, just a straight answer." Merlin says, "Alright then. Truth. Yes, it must be truth! When a man lies he murders some part of the world. You should know that!"
"Excalibur" when I was a teenager and "Superman" when I was a child were both movies that shaped my sense of morality.
What do you think? Have you ever told a story to someone you loved in your adult years an outright lie, not just lying by omission, but spinning a tale to fool them into believing something you designed? Who were they? Anyone you loved? How did it make you feel? How did it make you feel about them? Do you ever feel guilt when you lie, or does it seem easy and guiltless?
Post a comment and let me know.
Here's what I think: Lies, next to murder, are what I believe have the potential to be the worst crimes you can commit on someone. I believe it is from lying that adultery, betrayal, denial and theft are sourced. It is the first and greatest tool of Fear, what I believe to be the un-Love or anti-Love in the spiritual dichotomy of Love and Fear, that which God has split itself into to experience and understand himself. Or maybe it's just lying? Jesus, I don't know...
here's my take on your journal...I used to think it's okay to omit parts of stories to make it less painful to tell someone what they don't want to hear. let alone lying, I don't agree with doing either ever again after getting burned very seriously. the truth always hurts less and is appreciated more. Why lie to someone if you don't like games?