Aug. 30, 2023

So what does a wannabe sissy do with its time? Well in my case i spend a lot of it waiting. In my case it's generally waiting for the four friends who tease and humiliate me on a chat site. That's what i'm doing now as i write this -- i am sitting in my office wearing panties waiting for them.

I first met M (as i will call her here) on a completely different chat site... i don't even remember which one. But she was friendly and teasing and willing to tease and humiliate me -- including with pics -- for a very modest "tribute." She was also very loyal: despite me disappearing and running off and being broke occasionally she has stuck with me for what has to be close to 10 years.

Along the way she introduced be to her friend N who has been just as loyal and teasing. There have been a few others along the way... now it's K and A who are both fairly new. I am not sure how long they will last.

All of them help tease me and expose and humiliate me... although they seem to like it better doing it toghether rather than separately. Yet none seem as interested or as eager as i am ... although i guess that is to be expected.

i gueess the question is if they left me would i stop or would i try to find someone else? I am pretty sure find someone else.

The other real question is are they encouraging me to find someone else.... to be more public and more local in my inquiries and indiscretions? I mean they have me shooting pics of myself outside my work... i was caught once... fortunately she was either very distracted or a little mentally ill

But why do i risk my job and my marriage for this? for these desires? i don't really know.

Aug. 29, 2023

So one comment so far... thank you for that.

I guess part of my struggles -- the biggest part -- is that i am doing all this behind my wife's back. I mean she knows i have "proclivities" but it's not in her nature to indulge so i wander. I chatting and fantasizing isn't as bad as screwing around but maybe it is... it's all cheating right? I should feel terrible and i do... but i dont' seem to be able to stop. In fact i think it keeps getting worse...my desires at least.

It seems to the more i chat and fantasize the more i want to explore in reality somehow.... but THAT would be going over that line ... wouldn't it? Sometimes i'm not 100 per cent sure.

Actually I am sure... but i want to do it anyways... at least when that desire is at its worst i do.

I have stopped chatting afew times... but always do back for some reason... well because i want to... because i like it.

More to come

Aug. 26, 2023

For years i have struggled with certain.... truths. One is I enjoy wearing women's clothes, particularly lingerie. The other that i am horribly embarassed by this desire. And the third is i want people to know. But not everyone.... just certain people.

Confused yet? Welcome to my life.

I started wearing lingerie when i was about 15 (I am in my 50s now). My sisters of course. i started just playing with myself with them but was soon wearing them... and loving it.

Flash forward and now i am secretly wearing things at work, chatting on sites, taking pics of myself. getting more and more adventurous. i have four friends i secretly serve (virtually only) on a chat site who take turns teasing and humiliating me. I also have friends on some cam sites who help too.... and a couple people on fetlife you help.

What i really need is more people to share my desires with .... and see where things go. To talk about things with and find out what happens. So i think i will write here off and on and see what people might have to say and contribute and add to the conversation

So please feel free.

And i will add more later