sirravennekros

Ah updates and stuff.
Where to begin?
Well... I turn now to love. Particularly the hate of love. Why hate love? What has love done to you? Done to me? Why love is not to blame, it is not because of love that I ruined my life. Nor is it because of love that I can't let go of the past. It's not because of...
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I sit before my computer exanimate. I cannot thin beyond my now. I search in desperation for my future and find it gone. Where will I go, where will I be? I am a canvas-less scow amidst roiling waves. I want to make a future with someone. But I have nothing to offer. I'm working retail with no college beneath my belt and no goals...
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How sad is it when someone (namely this jerk) feels the need to seek emotional validation from a web forum? When same person airs his insecurities for all to see in the hopes that just one person will look and respond that it's not so? How ridiculous for someone (your lookin at him) to need such an outlet. Shouldn't we find our own emotional validation?...
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So this being single thing is way sucky. Not as bad as being in the wrong relationship, but pretty damn close. And what really sucks is that I haven't got a clue how to fix this absence of partner. >.< My only regret from having been home-schooled my whole damn life. Complete void of social skills. Blah.

Why do I do this to myself?
Perhaps it is the human desire to take any gratification, even if it's only in the moment, no matter how transitory.
I got drunk again tonight. 4 years to the day since Nicky and I started going out. She got married some time last year... while we were dating. I should have let this shit go a long...
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here's the thing.
Post three songs and their lyrics that you think best describe you. If you cannot find said songs or lyrics, than make them up

Bridge

You called me up on the phone today
struggling with the right words to say.
Time can change a thing or two.
Time has changed the lives of me and you,
but you know... it could have...
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Well, one thing remains the same, unfortunately. Despite all the changes my life has gone through, I still drink too much, and spend way too much money on alcohol. *sigh* Oh well, the bills are paid and everything's clear in my checkbook, so I'm not being irresponsible, right? But it's hard to overcome twenty odd years of conditioning to think of drinking as bad. It...
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It's been an interesting year so far.
New apartment, new job, kind of have a life. Old friends are going away, no new friends are replacing them. Still no girl. Don't know if there ever will be one again. I just can't seem to put my heart into it again. And right now is not the best time to tlak about it, because I'm uber...
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Amorphous feeling of isolation
time without meaning
and meaning without time
a nighttime filled with keening.

Insidious feeling of rejection
Repulsive! Freak! Vile!
Cucoon of non-feeling
without class, without style

Rapacious feeling of hunger
paint the full moon red
Pain, rejection, fear, blood...
is it all just in my head?

It's not like anyone reads this, but I'm gonna update it anyway.
After all, my last post makes me look like a raving chauvanist in need of a swift kick in the shitter. So here's the skinny. I have a digicam now. I don't know the quality of the pics it takes, but I'm gonna find out. And if they're good, I might even post...
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Nice guys always finish last. So fuck it, it's time to be an ass hole. It's time to stop caring if I hurt someone. It's time to start treating women like bitches and toys.
After all, that's what you fuckin want, isn't it? Why the fuck else would ass holes and dicks get into and stay in relationships with beautiful women? You'd think the very...
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Graaah... I don't know what to do with myself. So I'm gonna vent here where I can be honest, since no one reads it.

First a little background.
I'm single. It happens to me a lot. No one wants to put up with me, I guess I'm either ugly or just that socially inept. But whatever the cause, I am without significant other. So one...
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