Being single is full of challenges... being single and a BDSM lifestyler is even more of a challenge. Dating in the vanilla world and trying to find someone that shares your proclivities is a shot in the dark. Yet, dating in the BDSM circles is just as taxing.
It is my belief the the fundamental requirement of a relationship is honesty. It becomes even more important when dealing with BDSM. Honesty about your kinks, your current situations, you likes, your dislikes, your needs and your desires... all of those need to be discussed and viewed in an open and honest forum. When I enter the beginning of a relationship, I enter with an open mind and an open heart. I understand that there may be some learning and growing on my side to understand her situation. But the basis of all of this is honesty.
So why is it that people find it so hard to be honest? If you are messaging me and you are currently in a relationship, tell me. If you are not into kink but just trying to figure it out, tell me. When I tell you that I have certain hard limits and you can't meet one of those, then we need to understand that now. Don't hide it. Don't lie about it... because when I find out, trust will be destroyed.
So, here is an open letter to anyone that cares. If you are in a relationship and they trust you. If they have met your parents, your children, your friends, gone to your church, slept in your bed, made love to you, held you close when you were in the midst of wracking sobs due to tribulations in your life... when those things happen, you may want to let them know you are seeing other people.
Secondly, if you have a profile on CollarMe, you pursue someone else, talk about the abusive relationship you "were" in under the guise of BDSM... you may want to actually end that relationship before trying to start a new one. Looking for someone new when you are still in a collar does not bode well.
So, that's my last six months or so... how have yours been?
It is my belief the the fundamental requirement of a relationship is honesty. It becomes even more important when dealing with BDSM. Honesty about your kinks, your current situations, you likes, your dislikes, your needs and your desires... all of those need to be discussed and viewed in an open and honest forum. When I enter the beginning of a relationship, I enter with an open mind and an open heart. I understand that there may be some learning and growing on my side to understand her situation. But the basis of all of this is honesty.
So why is it that people find it so hard to be honest? If you are messaging me and you are currently in a relationship, tell me. If you are not into kink but just trying to figure it out, tell me. When I tell you that I have certain hard limits and you can't meet one of those, then we need to understand that now. Don't hide it. Don't lie about it... because when I find out, trust will be destroyed.
So, here is an open letter to anyone that cares. If you are in a relationship and they trust you. If they have met your parents, your children, your friends, gone to your church, slept in your bed, made love to you, held you close when you were in the midst of wracking sobs due to tribulations in your life... when those things happen, you may want to let them know you are seeing other people.
Secondly, if you have a profile on CollarMe, you pursue someone else, talk about the abusive relationship you "were" in under the guise of BDSM... you may want to actually end that relationship before trying to start a new one. Looking for someone new when you are still in a collar does not bode well.
So, that's my last six months or so... how have yours been?
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One thing I have learned through my time in alternative lifestyles is that a committed relationship requires 100% from both people. If she isn't 100% behind you being with another woman, than that resentment can grow very quickly. This happens even more often in sharing/swinging/and poly relationships. I have seen a 15 year long poly relationship destroyed over a misunderstanding of what can be done outside of the relationship.
It is a significant risk and you will do what you choose. Just choose wisely and choose which ever decision is more important to you. Either way, good luck. Let me know how it goes.