Wow, since posting my last blog a lot has happened. I'll start from the day after my little lunchtime adventure with Mr Smile-to-die-for.
It was the Saturday that I met my policeman crush. I went to his house close to the beach and we watched a few movies before going up to his room to play around. If I hadn't just gotten out of a relationship and had big plans for the future, I could easily fall in love with him. He's tall, handsome, has a rockin' body and is really smart and funny, plus the fact that he's a cop is an added novelty! But, for now it's just a bit of fun. So the next morning after a decadent breakfast involving abs, rock solid arms holding me down and a butt I could just bite, I drove home.
It was an absolutely stunning day, the sky was cloudless and the sun was shining brightly, making the sky as blue as it could be. I got home feeling really good, so I worked out in my Mum & Dad's home made gym. I was feeling fantastic, but then I got a message from someone who wanted to meet up for some more casual fun. Someone I wasn't too keen on meeting, so I made excuses. I then had this sudden but strong thought of my Pop, I felt like I should see him. I thought I might that day, so I told the person I was going to see my Pop and I couldn't come around. I then had a shower, and just as I came out my Mum was on the phone, she told my Dad that my Pop wasn't breathing. Dad told my Pop's carer to call him back if the medics had revived him or not, then we got the sad news that he didn't make it. We made our way to my Pop's house where I saw his dead body. I cried, then I helped myself to his nearly full bottle of rum and very nearly polished the whole thing off that afternoon. The wind picked up and the clouds rolled in, and on the way home I just cried. I felt like I had failed him because I never made the effort to go and see him when I landed back in New Zealand, and the guilt was unbearable.
I took the next day off work. I stayed home all day and just tried to take in what had happened. It was a terribly stormy and windy day, so I'm glad I didn't go to work. I then spent the Tuesday and Wednesday at work, delivering mail on the motorcycle, managing to keep my mind from the sadness. Thursday was the saddest day of all, the funeral. I cried a lot more than I had anticipated. I've now lost all of my grandparents. I only have my Mum and Dad left. The rest of the family is there of course, but they are all so spread out that I barely ever see them. We gathered at a pub down the road from the cemetery for drinks and food after the funeral, but I begged my parents that we go home as I was not in the mood for chit chat. Fortunately everyone else felt the same and we all slowly left. My cousin was driving absolutely insane with her complaints about everyone and everything, the constant picking at the things I do like checking my phone, going on Facebook or even trying to write an article. I had to get out of there.
My good friend "No Skates" picked me up to go to roller derby and it was so good to be away. One of the girls at roller derby bought me some flowers and a card which was really lovely, and another girl offered me one of her homemade vegan cupcakes with a penis shaped decoration, which really cheered me up :-) I kept score that evening and felt good again when my friend sitting next to me keeping score of the other team gave me a big squeezy hug. It was exactly what I needed to feel better.
The next day was the burial of the ashes. The wind was blowing really strong and the rain was getting heavier and heavier. An umbrella was useless at the cemetery. We buried the ashes, set free some helium balloons and then drove to a café close by to the cemetery. That Friday may have been the last time I will ever see my family all in one place ever again. Now that both Nana and Pop are gone, there is no reason for us to all be together again. And it was quite a sad feeling.
I decided to drive back home rather than go with my parents to Pop's house, I had to get something done. I went home, switched on the computer, and I filled out the application form to study a motorcycle engineering degree at a university in London. I asked myself, "will I regret it if I don't take this opportunity to study abroad, study something I love that could take me unimaginable places?" The answer was YES. If I don't do this now, I never will out of fear of failure or change. If I do fail, at the very minimum it took me to the UK. If I succeed, I could go places that right now I can only dream of. So I took the leap of faith. I filled out the application and sent it. I can only see what happens. I hope I get accepted, but if I don't, I'll try something else. I can't lose.
That Friday evening I met up with yet another random stranger from the internet. I admit I was a little disappointed upon meeting, but it turned out to be one hell of a night. I ended up going back to his place and getting extremely drunk, stoned, and high off speed and we stayed up 'til the sun rose singing to Iron Maiden and Pink Floyd. When the high wore off I drove back home and slept for sixteen hours. Now I'm here today, still feeling a bit weird, writing this blog. Tomorrow is Labour Day so we have the day off. I think I'm going on a ride on the back of a motorcycle with yet another net random, I'm not sure yet. I'll be sure to keep you all updated.
What I've learned from this week is this: life is short. Life needs to be lived to the absolute max. We need to experience, explore, and take risks. We need to live in a way that when we die, people will say "wow, this guy/girl really loved life, and for that, we loved him/her." As cliché as this sounds, you need to do what you love, follow your dreams, and live in the present. There is no time like this time, right now, this very second. Do it. Take the leap, jump on a plane, a train, a bus, or a bike. Go somewhere, do something great, explore the only planet we have been given the luxury of exploring, and do it full of enthusiasm. LIVE your life. You've only been given one chance at it. You may as well do it now. This rhyme by Dr Suess is the best motivation to live life and be great...
OH, THE PLACES YOU'LL GO!
Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!
You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.
You'll look up and down streets. Look 'em over with care.
About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there."
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street.
And you may not find any
you'll want to go down.
In that case, of course,
you'll head straight out of town.
It's opener there in the wide open air.
Out there things can happen and frequently do
to people as brainy and footsy as you.
And when things start to happen, don't worry. Don't stew.
Just go right along. You'll start happening too.
OH!
THE PLACES YOU'LL GO!
You'll be on your way up!
You'll be seeing great sights!
You'll join the high fliers
who soar to high heights.
You won't lag behind, because you'll have the speed.
You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you'll be the best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.
Except when you don't.
Because, sometimes, you won't.
I'm sorry to say so but, sadly, it's true
And hang-ups can happen even to you.
You can get all hung up in a prickly perch.
And your gang will fly on. You'll be left in a lurch.
You'll come down from the lurch with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then, that you'll be in a slump.
And when you're in a slump, you're not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.
You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they're darked.
A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?
And IF you go in, should you turn left or right...
or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?
Simple it's not, I'm afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.
You can get so confused that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place...
...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or a No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.
Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.
NO!
That's not for you!
Somehow you'll escape all that waiting and staying.
You'll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing.
With banner flip-flapping, once more you'll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you're that kind of a guy!
Oh, the places you'll go! There is fun to be done!
There are points to be scored. there are games to be won.
And the magical things you can do with that ball
will make you the winning-est winner of all.
Fame! You'll be famous as famous can be,
with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.
Except when they don't.
Because, sometimes, they won't.
I'm afraid that sometimes you'll play lonely games too.
Games you can't win 'cause you'll play against you.
All Alone!
Whether you like it or not.
Alone will be something you'll be quite a lot.
And when you're alone, there's a very good chance
you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.
But on you will go though the weather be foul
On you will go though your enemies prowl
On you will go though the Hakken-Kraks howl
Onward up many a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore and your sneakers may leak.
On and on you will hike and I know you'll hike far
and face up to your problems whatever they are.
You'll get mixed up, of course, as you already know.
You'll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact and remember that Life's a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.
And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)
KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!
So...
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
you're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So...get on your way!