What do we fear?
We wear the marks of the outcast: tattooes, piercings, oddly cut and brightly colored hair, scarification. Why do we push the limits of our pain, in the marine corp they tell marines that pain is fear leaving the body. Which I understand. But, what do we fear? Our mortality, our frailty. We harden ourselves aginst this fear, against this realization the we will be forgotten, that we will be unseen ghost in the dust of the stars. We make ourselves remarkable in our todays because they mean nothing tomorrow and the only thing that matters is our existence in now. We fear our neighbors, or do our neighbors fear us and can we feel that fear being directed at us. We fear our governments, but again, is it more to the point that our governments fear us and what we could accomplish in keeping the peace if we were left to our own devices. We fear ourselves, what is in you that you fear? That you will become the people of our preceding generations....that we will become mundane and trite? Do we fear the hatred, the compasion, the ignorence, the brilliance? Do we fear being frozen in fear, unable to attend to our needs because of paralization? We seek any evidence that we are connected to each other through our misery, our salvation, our freakish ideums, our simple diversions. And in our numeration we would feel safe, we would feel strong. In that strength we would be able to over come fear, not reliquish fear, since we cannot live without fear. It is the fuel for striving to better ourselves, it's the fuel that drives us to explore. Sometime we say someday I will do this thing or that, but that is a statment of fear. A statement that leads us to continue to find way not to do these things. I tell myself sometimes"Make someday today"...that is how I ended up in the Navy, that is how I ended up in japan, thailand, S.Korea, Hong Kong, Africa...everyday there was a fear that I might not ever see my home again. That is how I ended up here at the seam of the world, because I was fearful of the hole I was falling into with my addiction and my weaknesses, so I left them behind, I had to make someday today or I was going to die, painfully. Now I am alive, not always happy, but better then the walking dead I once was. I am aware of my fear and instead of catharsis I am enrgetic in d=facing my fear...sometimes I want to avoid dramal, so it may seem to those on the outside that I am apathetic, but in reality I just want to be able to focus on the things that I feel make me happy. One thing I enjoy is pondering life.....and writing.....if you have read this far thank you
We wear the marks of the outcast: tattooes, piercings, oddly cut and brightly colored hair, scarification. Why do we push the limits of our pain, in the marine corp they tell marines that pain is fear leaving the body. Which I understand. But, what do we fear? Our mortality, our frailty. We harden ourselves aginst this fear, against this realization the we will be forgotten, that we will be unseen ghost in the dust of the stars. We make ourselves remarkable in our todays because they mean nothing tomorrow and the only thing that matters is our existence in now. We fear our neighbors, or do our neighbors fear us and can we feel that fear being directed at us. We fear our governments, but again, is it more to the point that our governments fear us and what we could accomplish in keeping the peace if we were left to our own devices. We fear ourselves, what is in you that you fear? That you will become the people of our preceding generations....that we will become mundane and trite? Do we fear the hatred, the compasion, the ignorence, the brilliance? Do we fear being frozen in fear, unable to attend to our needs because of paralization? We seek any evidence that we are connected to each other through our misery, our salvation, our freakish ideums, our simple diversions. And in our numeration we would feel safe, we would feel strong. In that strength we would be able to over come fear, not reliquish fear, since we cannot live without fear. It is the fuel for striving to better ourselves, it's the fuel that drives us to explore. Sometime we say someday I will do this thing or that, but that is a statment of fear. A statement that leads us to continue to find way not to do these things. I tell myself sometimes"Make someday today"...that is how I ended up in the Navy, that is how I ended up in japan, thailand, S.Korea, Hong Kong, Africa...everyday there was a fear that I might not ever see my home again. That is how I ended up here at the seam of the world, because I was fearful of the hole I was falling into with my addiction and my weaknesses, so I left them behind, I had to make someday today or I was going to die, painfully. Now I am alive, not always happy, but better then the walking dead I once was. I am aware of my fear and instead of catharsis I am enrgetic in d=facing my fear...sometimes I want to avoid dramal, so it may seem to those on the outside that I am apathetic, but in reality I just want to be able to focus on the things that I feel make me happy. One thing I enjoy is pondering life.....and writing.....if you have read this far thank you