sinemetu

hi im tasha and i suck at updating!! where to begin..the kitchen table is still not complete but i bought screws that were too long and now have to saw the ends off. I had a great visit this weekend from the boy. it was super stress free and had a lot of fun. neither of us is rushing into anything and are just having fun. its weird to not be freaking out but when were together we laugh like little kids and have fun and right now thats what i need. Im back on the clean eats and lifting kick. Im already down to 153 with out stressing these past two weeks. At christmas i was up to 167 and freaking out. I know am motivated seeing the little effort Ive put foth so far and how much further I can push. Its a healthy challenge Im super stoked to do. I found a guy to shoot and edit my set. Hes a friend of a friend. However I need to learn how to work my face. Ive had some chances in the last two week to be photographed and hated how my face looked. I need to sit in front of a mirror and work my angles. Another challenge I know im up for. Life has been its normal roller coaster. but besides from a few minor ser back ive been mentally really strong and am proud of myself. Ive grown so much and just keep reflecting and moving on. its an amazingly peaceful and scary feeling all at once. I dont pray but was raised catholic and have this guilt that i dont pray more in some situations. its kinda crazy. long story short my father is very sick in a hospital in georgia. Ive never known him and had been at peace for a long time. Im upset because his original injuries were from a random act of violence. From what I know he will never be completely coherent. His family swears that prayer will save him. I still dont feel that i should pray. Why say words to a god i dont really believe in? I feel like I should be meditating and sending him good vibes. I just hope he isnt in any pain and whatever is going to happen happens quickly because I cant imagine my spirit being stuck in such a state. I couldnt sleep 2 weeks again and around 4 in the morning starting googling him, I feel like that was a sign. I think hes in a better place than the family realizes. Of course im not going to tell complete strangers this they are going to think im crazy. anyway. i just needed to get these feelings out and in words. I know everything will be ok. i did buy some white sage smudges this weekend to help cleanse the negativity that is left in my aura. I think it will help with the change of seasons too. welcoming growth and positive energy.
well thats all for now
xoxoxo
me