im back........its been so long and it feels like so much has changed but im not sure where to start. so ill just ramble, idk who will even read this. I've been working two jobs to accommodate my ridiculous habits. i haven't died yet 
i had been working out before i caught a nasty case of the flu and hope to go back this week. halloween was fun i was a day of the dead and did the ,makeup myself. i loved it. my birthday was amazing went out with a boy and his friends and got ridicules and confessed my feelings. we had been dating but i never told him how i truly deeply felt. he broke my heart 3 days later. the day before thanksgiving. im still pretty shaken up. we started hanging out in august and our first date i realized this kid was gonna marry me or break my heart. he's already moved on and is happy and in a relationship. but i cant blame him we were an hour away and my schedule sucked. but things are what u want them to be. i just wasn't the one. im a risk. a wave that ends up alone. i've tried to be ok but it hurt big time. and i cant figure out why i get it this time. people always say when its right you'll know you'll feel it. and they also say hell put in that effort and will be there. but this situation was so twisted. he never did anything that made me fall hard. it was who he was this kindred spirit that i thought understood me. there weren't flowers or fancy dinners but the more i got to know him the more i wanted there to be an us. i just wasn't what was what he wanted. im so afraid that im going to move forward and in a few months he calls and apologizes. i say this now bc i want it to happen but realistically it wont. my brAIn is so deceiving. playing games with my heart. or reality and fantasy r dancing a tango i cant cut in on. somebody threw that brick and shattered all your plans. i want love to be my brick. im just over thinking i just want everything to feel good and be happy. i think about therapy to figure things out and just to talk because Ive put up these walls that make it hard to let people in who will be there. sooo conflicted. i need a sign..
i had been working out before i caught a nasty case of the flu and hope to go back this week. halloween was fun i was a day of the dead and did the ,makeup myself. i loved it. my birthday was amazing went out with a boy and his friends and got ridicules and confessed my feelings. we had been dating but i never told him how i truly deeply felt. he broke my heart 3 days later. the day before thanksgiving. im still pretty shaken up. we started hanging out in august and our first date i realized this kid was gonna marry me or break my heart. he's already moved on and is happy and in a relationship. but i cant blame him we were an hour away and my schedule sucked. but things are what u want them to be. i just wasn't the one. im a risk. a wave that ends up alone. i've tried to be ok but it hurt big time. and i cant figure out why i get it this time. people always say when its right you'll know you'll feel it. and they also say hell put in that effort and will be there. but this situation was so twisted. he never did anything that made me fall hard. it was who he was this kindred spirit that i thought understood me. there weren't flowers or fancy dinners but the more i got to know him the more i wanted there to be an us. i just wasn't what was what he wanted. im so afraid that im going to move forward and in a few months he calls and apologizes. i say this now bc i want it to happen but realistically it wont. my brAIn is so deceiving. playing games with my heart. or reality and fantasy r dancing a tango i cant cut in on. somebody threw that brick and shattered all your plans. i want love to be my brick. im just over thinking i just want everything to feel good and be happy. i think about therapy to figure things out and just to talk because Ive put up these walls that make it hard to let people in who will be there. sooo conflicted. i need a sign..VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
missed you...