silvan415

- Had a pretty good day today.

Amazing poetry readings from my classmates. Most people in my class did Heteronames - "Different Names" - in which they wrote poetry based on another identity. This is based on the poet Fernando Pesoa - an amazing Brazilian poet who died in the 1930's who was obsessed about creating alternate identities in which to view the world through.

I've sort of borrowed this concept with Nalo - my alternate identity. I tried to talk to gwyn about Nalo - but she didnt get it. Sort of like - The things seperate my ability to relate to my step mom are the same things that seperate my ability to relate to men.

Nalo is sort of a combat to that. Perhaps, in the interest of developing Nalo, I could understand Football for example.

I read, and study music, and draw - and these are things she dosent really understand, nor try to understand. She watches football, and basketball, and sports- women's volleyball, soccer etc. And I really have no interest in these.

So Nalo is sort of like I'm taking all that 'could-be' energy and putting it into someone so I could write about them. Like "What if I was raised a normal boy" - and then go on from there.

Hmm - sometimes I wonder if I would have turned out better if I was a lesbian. Growing up with absolutely no male rolemodels has fucked me up. Then again - I look at most males and... well, I have absolutely no desire to be like them.