silencia

I've opened my eyes and found us in an abandoned, moonlit ballroom. The windows are gloriously large and classic. I feel as though I am in a dream. I look to you again, and realize that I am in a dream.
You are dressed in a handsome black tuxedo. Not a suit, not your rock star jeans and a well-fitted t-shirt. A tuxedo. I look down and see myself in a shimmery off-white ball gown. I look to you again, and without words, you grab my hands and pull me in close for a waltz. We stare intently into each other's eyes and we dance around the dark, empty room. We glide across the floor so gracefully; that it would appear though we were drifting on air. No words are exchanged. We just stare.



I'm at work. The kids are starting a riot, and I find myself smack-dab in the middle. I feel as though I am moving in slow motion while everything around me blurs by. People surround me, but the faces and bodies are blurry. Demanding voices surround me. "I need this," "I love your outfit," "I'll sock you in your fucking face," "did you hear what she called me?" "cunt!" I'm being summoned to hundreds of locations, but can't move. Slowly, I feel as though my limbs are being stretched from my torso. I'm stretching away from my core. Whatever is pulling me won't let go. The demands get louder. The faces get blurrier. I scream. It's black.



You pull me in closer as we continue to dance. I can feel your warm breath on my face. Your touch is so divine; I don't ever want you to let me go. We continue to stare into each other's eyes. Your lips are only inches from mine. I begin to anticipate your heavenly kiss, then...



I'm going out. I've done up my make-up and hair. I look in the mirror and don't feel shame in thinking that I look damn good. I get in my car and being to drive. Am I going out to see you? I drive for a while. The music is blaring on my stereo. I feel... content. I pull up to "my destination" and park my car. I walk into the coffee shop, and am greeted with, "oh, hey!" I look up to see whom my greeter is, and am almost overcome with disappointment that it is not you. My greeter pays for my coffee, and we scout out a place to sit. We ramble on about each other's lives, and every time he opens his mouth, I can only think of how you are a million times better than him.

The greeter sort of dresses like a douche. He's one of those heterosexual men who is trying to be fashionable, but sports items that not even a blind gay man would touch with a ten-foot pole. A large t-shirt snuggly fits his body- especially around the midsection. His "fashionable" jeans have been rolled up to fit like high water pants. And his shoes were just plain tacky. Despite being horrified by his apparel of choice, I tried to look past my extremely critical fashion police report, and tried to look for things that might make this guy alright. I notice he has a handsome face. He also has kind eyes and a warm smile. He's paid me lots of compliments, and seems to listen intently to my every word.
I feel torn. Only thoughts of you cross my mind, but I know that I can't have you. To ask you to see me for even just one day, I fear, would be too much. You're married to something greater than I could ever be, and it would be a total bitch move on my part to even try to interfere with that. So I bite my tongue, and hope. And hope. And hope. I try to think, "maybe I can play the field until he comes around?" But then I see what my options are, and immediately become disappointed. No one can stand up competition you pose. No one can...

"So what do you think?" I immediately snap back to the moment at hand, and realize that the poor guy I am having coffee with had been speaking the entire time and is now waiting for my response. I smile and make some random comment. He doesn't seem bothered by my improvisation. His eyes glow when he looks and at me, and now my thoughts change to, "oh fuck, he's falling for me." How do I tell this guy lightly that I am love with someone else? "Excuse me, sir? I love some other man. So sorry to have wasted your time." "Ummm. You thought this was a date?" "Oh, dude, I'm not even straight. But thanks for the coffee and the conversation." Shit, I'm screwed.

He wants to walk me home. I decline the offer and say that I'm a tough cookie that can easily knock someone out if they try anything funny. He smiles. It looks like he wants a kiss, but I just give him a hug. He starts to open his mouth, but I'm gone.



Your lips are so close to mine, I can almost taste your kiss. Thunder strikes loudly outside, and you immediately pull away in total surprise. A force causes us to drift apart, and we try to fight it by keeping our arms outstretched towards each other. We lose grip as we are pulled back in opposite directions. A tear falls down my cheek as I watch you go. With your eyes still locked on mine, you mouth out the words, "I love you," and disappear into the darkness. I now find myself standing alone in the empty, moonlit ballroom. I had you for such a short while, and it was heaven. In the darkness, I can only hope that you return to me quickly, but I know that hope is far-fetched. You are my distant dream, my love. My love.

-silent words.