A letter 
Today I wondered what it would be like to be you. To smoke your cigarettes. To completely neglect to do what needs to be done. To be nice to strangers, but be an asshole to those who care about me. To just not be there... at all.
We had plans to meet today... at a coffee shop. I bought a pack of the cigarettes you smoke. I brought my laptop with me (with the intentions of working on some cover letters for my resume, but end up only dicking around with my music). I was nice to all the strangers around me as I waited... as I waited for you.
I lit up a cigarette. It tasted like shit. I bought myself a large cup of black coffee to wash the taste away. I was determined to go through a pack in one sitting like you do, but they tasted so bad that I only got around to smoking three (and bumming one off to a stranger).
I sat there. Smoking. Drinking coffee. Listening to music. I knew you weren't going to make it, so I started practicing what I was going to say to you - my last goodbye. God, it was beautiful moment.
Time continued to pass. I continued to wait. The wind got colder. The goosebumps on my bare legs got bigger. I put out the cigarrette I held in shivering hand. I picked up my things and left. When I got to my car, I thought I'd call you. The phone rings, you pick up. I told you the lines I had been practicing in my head. I slipped up a few times, but I think you got the point. The highlight of our conversation:
Me- "I don't ever want to see or hear from you again"
You- "Why do you have to be like that?"
Me- "Because no one has ever succeeded in making me feel like a goddess one day, and a whore the next."
More things were said. I showed no mercy. You claimed to care about me, and I was a total asshole to you. Now I'm leaving you. I'm leaving you to go far, far away. So now, I can't and won't be there for you... ever... again. Goodbye.
Today, I bought an issue of Bitch and a framed portrait of the Virgin Mary. I came home smelling like coffee and cigarettes. I'm sure my grandparents are proud.
Now, I leave you with Kidney Thieves live track for "Before I'm dead."
Today I wondered what it would be like to be you. To smoke your cigarettes. To completely neglect to do what needs to be done. To be nice to strangers, but be an asshole to those who care about me. To just not be there... at all.
We had plans to meet today... at a coffee shop. I bought a pack of the cigarettes you smoke. I brought my laptop with me (with the intentions of working on some cover letters for my resume, but end up only dicking around with my music). I was nice to all the strangers around me as I waited... as I waited for you.
I lit up a cigarette. It tasted like shit. I bought myself a large cup of black coffee to wash the taste away. I was determined to go through a pack in one sitting like you do, but they tasted so bad that I only got around to smoking three (and bumming one off to a stranger).
I sat there. Smoking. Drinking coffee. Listening to music. I knew you weren't going to make it, so I started practicing what I was going to say to you - my last goodbye. God, it was beautiful moment.
Time continued to pass. I continued to wait. The wind got colder. The goosebumps on my bare legs got bigger. I put out the cigarrette I held in shivering hand. I picked up my things and left. When I got to my car, I thought I'd call you. The phone rings, you pick up. I told you the lines I had been practicing in my head. I slipped up a few times, but I think you got the point. The highlight of our conversation:
Me- "I don't ever want to see or hear from you again"
You- "Why do you have to be like that?"
Me- "Because no one has ever succeeded in making me feel like a goddess one day, and a whore the next."
More things were said. I showed no mercy. You claimed to care about me, and I was a total asshole to you. Now I'm leaving you. I'm leaving you to go far, far away. So now, I can't and won't be there for you... ever... again. Goodbye.
Today, I bought an issue of Bitch and a framed portrait of the Virgin Mary. I came home smelling like coffee and cigarettes. I'm sure my grandparents are proud.
Now, I leave you with Kidney Thieves live track for "Before I'm dead."
VIEW 20 of 20 COMMENTS
nicolai:
i have to talk to my aunt and see when the best time is for her to sign us in. i'm going to talk to her tonight. i'm thinking she'll probably be able to get us in around 1 or 2 and i was thinking maybe we could meet up a little earlier and get lunch or something. like somewhere in downtown disney. but thats up to you guys. whatever works out better for you guys! 
nicolai:
ok....soooo i just talked to my aunt. she said that my uncle would be able to sign us in at about 3 on thursday. so if that works out for you/ you guys thats cool with me if ya wanna hang out at downtown disney for a little while before. have lunch and what not. maybe shopping lol she also said that if we wanted to go on a tue. or wed. he could sign us in earlier if you wanted more time. i think disneyland closes at like 8 or 9 on weekdays right now, so even if we didn't go in til 3, thats still 5 or 6 hours. i think thats enough time, lol right? let me know what would work best for you!
lol she also said that if we wanted to go on a tue. or wed. he could sign us in earlier if you wanted more time. i think disneyland closes at like 8 or 9 on weekdays right now, so even if we didn't go in til 3, thats still 5 or 6 hours. i think thats enough time, lol right? let me know what would work best for you!