siiix

I went to two Halloween parties this weekend. One was cool, the other was a bust.

At the cool one, I was sitting around the fire rehashing the good ol' days with I guy I hadn't seen for years when some girl arrived. As she was walking up with her boyfriend, I almost freaked out. I thought it was my ex girlfriend. I almost got up and walked away. I couldn't stop looking at her. She was so beautiful. The resemblance was uncanny. I talked to her for a little bit. She was cool. Too bad she had a boyfriend.

Saturday night, I went to a friend's house. There was a grand total of five people there including me. As soon as I walked up, the host was trying, in a drunken stupor, to convince the others to go to a party across town. Personally, I don't like going to parties where I don't know anyone. He tried on and off for the next hour to convince me to take him there. How many times do you have to tell someone 'no?' I don't know what happened, but I finally said 'Fuck it, I'm outta here.' I hopped in my truck and left. I can't remember the last time I saw this friend sober. I'm tired of irritating drunks. I think I'm getting old. Or, rather, I grew up.

I bought American History X and watched it tonight. It left me with a thought, have *I* done anything lately to make my life better? Yes, I'm doing things to make my life better, but there are other things I can't seem to do. I made some mistakes years ago that haunt me everyday. For some reason, I can't move things along fast enough to feel good about what I'm doing now. Impatience, it's a bitch.

Sober. Semi-satiated. Relaxed. Self-hurt. Lost. Lonely.