Oy.
Today is the anniversary. The wife is showering before dinner. We climbed a mountain (a small one, but you know). We'll watch some Doctor Who. We'll eat, and watch The Wire later. A nice day.
My tomato plant has even more tomatoes. Yessss........ I master the plant world!
My advisor emailed me, asking about an article we're working on. He also, flat out, asked: Are you going on the market again? He also pointed out a Good Job at Cute Liberal Arts College in Uber-Livable City. After some (very little) thinking, I feel like I will *selectively* go on the market again. I know what I want:
Liberal Arts/Smaller (but not bi-directional) State School, Livable Town (city, college town), Less Teaching (but still plenty of it), and More Resources (travel funds, research assistants, strong library), Decent Colleagues (no weirdos or petty infights please!).
This lets me LIMIT my search to something manageable.
This is pretty hard for me. I feel like a cheat and a bastard and I'm like I'm abandoning my colleagues. They're good people, and treated me well. It's just, well, this place is pretty - but a bit small town for me. Plus, I'm getting worked hard for little pay. That's not going to change. It's also hard to be at a place with just the lack of resources this place has. I was pulling some readings for a class, and there were a handful of books chapters I wanted to assign. NONE of those books were in our library. These are political science classics, ranging from 5-40 years old. That's, um, a problem.
I know I could be courageous and stick it out here. But the longer I'm here, the harder it is to move. All of this teaching and lack of resources makes it hard to write. And that makes it hard to move. I'm not looking for the Big Time. I want to be in a place that balances teaching and research. I am not looking to write a book that changes my field, I just like to read and play with data a bit (plus, writing is critical to keeping me up to date in the field which is necessary to do the teaching part right). If I'm here, it's harder to show that I can do that bit of writing that a selective liberal arts school is looking for. Bit by bit, I fall behind and look like a worse prospect.
Don't get me all wrong, I'm also smart enough to know what I have here: good folks, nice place to live. But I think it's worth seeing what else will bite. My resume is a lot better today than it was before: completed PhD, tenure-track job, 2-3 articles under review + 1 "in progress," teaching experience. Oh, and I won an award for my dissertation. I'm still a fresh mint, in what is widely acknowledged as a shitty, shitty job market. I feel like .... a douche... but I also feel like I gotta try. I gotta know. (Big Fancy Pants school that turned me down and actually didn't hire ANYONE two years ago is looking again. A part of me .... wants to toss my hat in that ring, even though it's not the kind of place I think I want to be.)
I hate looking after my career. It makes me feel fucking bourgeoise. And those guys suck. It also stokes all my Catholic guilt. I get all tense in my stomach just THINKING about telling my colleagues about an offer or even an *interview.* How do you face them after that? It's a small dept - a small school. Just ugh. I know I'm worrying after nothing: I'll deal with that issue when I get to it. And I am excited about trying again, especially since there's so much less pressure now - I *have* a job after all. Just, you know: ick.
Today is the anniversary. The wife is showering before dinner. We climbed a mountain (a small one, but you know). We'll watch some Doctor Who. We'll eat, and watch The Wire later. A nice day.
My tomato plant has even more tomatoes. Yessss........ I master the plant world!
My advisor emailed me, asking about an article we're working on. He also, flat out, asked: Are you going on the market again? He also pointed out a Good Job at Cute Liberal Arts College in Uber-Livable City. After some (very little) thinking, I feel like I will *selectively* go on the market again. I know what I want:
Liberal Arts/Smaller (but not bi-directional) State School, Livable Town (city, college town), Less Teaching (but still plenty of it), and More Resources (travel funds, research assistants, strong library), Decent Colleagues (no weirdos or petty infights please!).
This lets me LIMIT my search to something manageable.
This is pretty hard for me. I feel like a cheat and a bastard and I'm like I'm abandoning my colleagues. They're good people, and treated me well. It's just, well, this place is pretty - but a bit small town for me. Plus, I'm getting worked hard for little pay. That's not going to change. It's also hard to be at a place with just the lack of resources this place has. I was pulling some readings for a class, and there were a handful of books chapters I wanted to assign. NONE of those books were in our library. These are political science classics, ranging from 5-40 years old. That's, um, a problem.
I know I could be courageous and stick it out here. But the longer I'm here, the harder it is to move. All of this teaching and lack of resources makes it hard to write. And that makes it hard to move. I'm not looking for the Big Time. I want to be in a place that balances teaching and research. I am not looking to write a book that changes my field, I just like to read and play with data a bit (plus, writing is critical to keeping me up to date in the field which is necessary to do the teaching part right). If I'm here, it's harder to show that I can do that bit of writing that a selective liberal arts school is looking for. Bit by bit, I fall behind and look like a worse prospect.
Don't get me all wrong, I'm also smart enough to know what I have here: good folks, nice place to live. But I think it's worth seeing what else will bite. My resume is a lot better today than it was before: completed PhD, tenure-track job, 2-3 articles under review + 1 "in progress," teaching experience. Oh, and I won an award for my dissertation. I'm still a fresh mint, in what is widely acknowledged as a shitty, shitty job market. I feel like .... a douche... but I also feel like I gotta try. I gotta know. (Big Fancy Pants school that turned me down and actually didn't hire ANYONE two years ago is looking again. A part of me .... wants to toss my hat in that ring, even though it's not the kind of place I think I want to be.)
I hate looking after my career. It makes me feel fucking bourgeoise. And those guys suck. It also stokes all my Catholic guilt. I get all tense in my stomach just THINKING about telling my colleagues about an offer or even an *interview.* How do you face them after that? It's a small dept - a small school. Just ugh. I know I'm worrying after nothing: I'll deal with that issue when I get to it. And I am excited about trying again, especially since there's so much less pressure now - I *have* a job after all. Just, you know: ick.
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Heres an example: Once when I was visiting, I wanted to run up to the Target for a quick errand. No big deal, right? Just get in the car and go. Oh no. The parents were stressed b/c it was so close to rush hour. OMG, I might have to deal with rush hour traffic, the horrors!!
And thanks