Holidays - complicated and stuff.
To be clear, my Thanksgiving was actually really delightful. My colleague and his wife made a turkey, along with potatoes, gravy, stuffing, cranberries, and a killer artichoke dip. The wife and I made sweet potatoes, baked beans, scalloped corn, and an awesome chocolate cake. Oh, and we brought petit fours. We drank wine and ate and talked and it was good. On Friday, my wife and I put up all of our Christmas stuff - including The Greatest Christmas Tree Ever (I heart my silver plastic Christmas tree more than is healthy).
But, all this holiday stuff dredges up weird mixed feelings. I have to be honest, I missed my family - a lot - this weekend. I also have to be honest: I missed Chicago this weekend. A lot. I think Christmas is easily my favorite season in the city. I love the snow, and the lights, and the bustling downtown. I love how its just cold enough to feel good, but not that bitter terrible cold yet. I love the purple sky and snow against the glowing skyline. It feels like life to me.
I know I just moved here, and I'm trying to give this place a chance - and it is *beautiful* here, undeniably. But I still ache pretty hard for noise and density and crowded buses and amazing take-out and stores where you can buy anything you can think of.
There are other issues clouding my holiday season. There's an ongoing battle with salary going on here. I'm sure I've discussed it before. Staff and administration are paid X% of the national average for their position. Faculty are paid Y% of the national average. And, simply put, X > Y. I did not know this when I took the job. I knew my salary wasn't great, but the *disparity* did not come to light until I got here. Quite frankly, it bugs the shit out of me. It is, at the end of the day, a sign of massive disrespect. A disrespect that is only compounded by the fact that the staff that are paid better than me - fucking suck at their job.
(An interlude:
How do I know the staff suck? Let's count the ways.
1. I went to the dentist when I first got here. The HR people did not have the dental insurance cards, but did provide me with my group number. And it was the wrong number, a problem which my dental office is still trying to fix.
2. I went to the optometrist, and paid more for my glasses than I should have - because HR entered me in the wrong vision plan.
3. HR was unable to get another new colleague's information correct in the system for several weeks, slowing her ability to get her prescriptions.
4. Last year, some random class was charging students a lab free, *for no discernible reason* as no resources were being used in the class. Then, no one could track where the money went. [I am not suggesting embezzlement here, to be clear. Rather just gross incompetence.]
5. Oh: that salary disparity between faculty and staff? The current explanation is that "no one knew it was happening." Again: evil or moron? Take your pick. Either way, it's not good.
End Interlude.)
What makes this disrespect harder to take is that there are a slew of senior faculty who just don't fucking care. There's a big story here about how we're a family, and student-focused, and are willing to sacrifice and shit. It is, bluntly, ideology - in the purest, Marxist definition: it is a story to patch up the contradictions that are perfectly clear to everyone (re: there is enough money to pay the president and staff a lot and to constantly increase the staff size but NOT TO PAY FACULTY). So anyway, there are all these senior faculty who refuse to stand up and fight, but just talk about how happy they are to teach. Those old fuckers can blow me. (There ARE a number of senior faculty who are pissed and raising hell. But not enough IMHO.) In general, the whole Catholic tone of this place is pretty gag inducing. (Again, my department is great. We're secular curmudgeons. There are a number of other faculty who are smart and funny and cranky.)
Heaped on top of this, there IS a committee that is supposed to figure out how to solve the salary problem. A committee on which staff equal or outnumber faculty (that's right: the fuckers who are getting paid more, are on the committee to fix the system that benefits them. Clearly, a brilliant stroke of institutional planning.) The committee patently avoids talking about real solutions, of which I can imagine several. For instance, we could pool all the salary money, and start over - finding a Z% of the national average we could pay. We could discuss raising tuition. We could talk hard about how to do better at fund raising. We could talk about areas to cut - like athletics or stupid programs (like many colleges, we are obsessed with adding new programs - like community leadership - while overlooking the core liberal arts mission. Morons.) Instead of real shit, the committee talks about how to develop a system for raises that is fair and transparent, on and on. This is dumb. Every college and school - thousands and thousands of them - has a workable system for this. Make eight phone calls and figure out how it's done at similar institutions. Basically, this is a smokescreen to obfuscate the real issue of pay disparity behind the non-issue of "how do we give fair raises."
Of course, the low salary doesn't have to be a deal breaker - even with the disrespect. After all, there was a promise of regular raises (a "step" system), an assurance that the cost of living was low, and an implication that my wife would have an easy time finding work. However, it turns out raises have been denied regularly. The cost of living is NOT cheap - as old fuckers retire here, the housing market is pretty high. And, oh hey, it turns out the demand for pharmacists is minimal. The rumor is: the wife will have to "float" (essentially be a temp worker) or work for Indian Health Services (and live four hours away) for a few years until it's "her turn" to work in town. What. The. Fuck? (To be clear, none of these stories about how everything would be ok came from my department - they came form the administration during negotiations. Motherfuckers.)
The one bright spot on the horizon? There's a rumor that teaching load is being reduced - so more time for my own work. But I don't believe it. Because how are we going to offer students classes if we reduce classes offered but aren't adding more faculty? My guess: it's smoke up our ass, to shut us up about pay for a while.
So where does this leave me? I could be happy here. Maybe? Even with it's lack of urbanity. I like my colleagues. A lot. The town has enough services that I could get by. It's damn pretty. People are nice. But the lack of pay thing ... its egregious.
In all likelihood, I'm going back on the market. In essence, I'm calling these my "adjunct" or "post doc" years. When I went out on the market, my file kind of sucked. I hadn't published anything and I hadn't taught my own class. We won't go into blame here (well ok, we will a little. I should have done these things. But my advisor told me not to teach. He also never discussed spinning anything I wrote into an article, or offered to co-author with me - until it was almost time for me to graduate. He also didn't attend conferences, so was never really around to introduce me to people or talk me up. He was also pretty terrible about reading and commenting on my shit in a productive way. I got lots of monologues about big themes from him, but few serious - and actually useful - discussions about method and argument. Anyways.) Getting back to it: these are my adjunct years. I'm prepping a load of classes, getting a ton of teaching done. I'll get a piece out SOMEWHERE by the end of the academic year. Maybe a second one underway too. With my phd still "fresh," one article forthcoming and a second submitted, along with my improved teaching record - I feel like I can get a better job than this. I hate doing this to my colleagues. And I hate the stress of the job market. But this place ... it's run badly, and I won't let it grind me up. And I miss my home.
I hate admitting this. It feels like a big "told you so" from the advisor who told me NOT to take this job. (Though, in my defense: it's not clear what I would have done WITHOUT this job. I needed to work - there was no alternative plan or funding mechanism. And it's easier to find another job once you have a job. And my file would not have been better this year. Not at all. I needed to prep some classes. I needed to get an article out. I needed two years to do that, and I am simply not yet a better candidate this year. Plus, the market sucks hard still this year. I would have been fucked this year too.) But whatever. This was a good experience. It's what I needed I think.
There's even a Plan B. If I can't find a better job, in a better city after two years of job searching (that's 2012) - we're moving back to Chicago. It's a big city, and there's work for PhDs who can do a little statistics, do a little GIS, write, present, research, and teach. Doing something.
Wow. This sounds so grim doesn't it? Seriously: I'm not day to day THAT unhappy. This is just a low level thing, that kinda grinds away in my gut or gnaws at the back of my mind. I still laugh, and have fun, and smile. I enjoy teaching. I find one day a week to write. It's getting along. It's just, you know, I'm aware of my sitch - and I refuse to be fucked....
So, um, how was YOUR Turkey Day?
To be clear, my Thanksgiving was actually really delightful. My colleague and his wife made a turkey, along with potatoes, gravy, stuffing, cranberries, and a killer artichoke dip. The wife and I made sweet potatoes, baked beans, scalloped corn, and an awesome chocolate cake. Oh, and we brought petit fours. We drank wine and ate and talked and it was good. On Friday, my wife and I put up all of our Christmas stuff - including The Greatest Christmas Tree Ever (I heart my silver plastic Christmas tree more than is healthy).
But, all this holiday stuff dredges up weird mixed feelings. I have to be honest, I missed my family - a lot - this weekend. I also have to be honest: I missed Chicago this weekend. A lot. I think Christmas is easily my favorite season in the city. I love the snow, and the lights, and the bustling downtown. I love how its just cold enough to feel good, but not that bitter terrible cold yet. I love the purple sky and snow against the glowing skyline. It feels like life to me.
I know I just moved here, and I'm trying to give this place a chance - and it is *beautiful* here, undeniably. But I still ache pretty hard for noise and density and crowded buses and amazing take-out and stores where you can buy anything you can think of.
There are other issues clouding my holiday season. There's an ongoing battle with salary going on here. I'm sure I've discussed it before. Staff and administration are paid X% of the national average for their position. Faculty are paid Y% of the national average. And, simply put, X > Y. I did not know this when I took the job. I knew my salary wasn't great, but the *disparity* did not come to light until I got here. Quite frankly, it bugs the shit out of me. It is, at the end of the day, a sign of massive disrespect. A disrespect that is only compounded by the fact that the staff that are paid better than me - fucking suck at their job.
(An interlude:
How do I know the staff suck? Let's count the ways.
1. I went to the dentist when I first got here. The HR people did not have the dental insurance cards, but did provide me with my group number. And it was the wrong number, a problem which my dental office is still trying to fix.
2. I went to the optometrist, and paid more for my glasses than I should have - because HR entered me in the wrong vision plan.
3. HR was unable to get another new colleague's information correct in the system for several weeks, slowing her ability to get her prescriptions.
4. Last year, some random class was charging students a lab free, *for no discernible reason* as no resources were being used in the class. Then, no one could track where the money went. [I am not suggesting embezzlement here, to be clear. Rather just gross incompetence.]
5. Oh: that salary disparity between faculty and staff? The current explanation is that "no one knew it was happening." Again: evil or moron? Take your pick. Either way, it's not good.
End Interlude.)
What makes this disrespect harder to take is that there are a slew of senior faculty who just don't fucking care. There's a big story here about how we're a family, and student-focused, and are willing to sacrifice and shit. It is, bluntly, ideology - in the purest, Marxist definition: it is a story to patch up the contradictions that are perfectly clear to everyone (re: there is enough money to pay the president and staff a lot and to constantly increase the staff size but NOT TO PAY FACULTY). So anyway, there are all these senior faculty who refuse to stand up and fight, but just talk about how happy they are to teach. Those old fuckers can blow me. (There ARE a number of senior faculty who are pissed and raising hell. But not enough IMHO.) In general, the whole Catholic tone of this place is pretty gag inducing. (Again, my department is great. We're secular curmudgeons. There are a number of other faculty who are smart and funny and cranky.)
Heaped on top of this, there IS a committee that is supposed to figure out how to solve the salary problem. A committee on which staff equal or outnumber faculty (that's right: the fuckers who are getting paid more, are on the committee to fix the system that benefits them. Clearly, a brilliant stroke of institutional planning.) The committee patently avoids talking about real solutions, of which I can imagine several. For instance, we could pool all the salary money, and start over - finding a Z% of the national average we could pay. We could discuss raising tuition. We could talk hard about how to do better at fund raising. We could talk about areas to cut - like athletics or stupid programs (like many colleges, we are obsessed with adding new programs - like community leadership - while overlooking the core liberal arts mission. Morons.) Instead of real shit, the committee talks about how to develop a system for raises that is fair and transparent, on and on. This is dumb. Every college and school - thousands and thousands of them - has a workable system for this. Make eight phone calls and figure out how it's done at similar institutions. Basically, this is a smokescreen to obfuscate the real issue of pay disparity behind the non-issue of "how do we give fair raises."
Of course, the low salary doesn't have to be a deal breaker - even with the disrespect. After all, there was a promise of regular raises (a "step" system), an assurance that the cost of living was low, and an implication that my wife would have an easy time finding work. However, it turns out raises have been denied regularly. The cost of living is NOT cheap - as old fuckers retire here, the housing market is pretty high. And, oh hey, it turns out the demand for pharmacists is minimal. The rumor is: the wife will have to "float" (essentially be a temp worker) or work for Indian Health Services (and live four hours away) for a few years until it's "her turn" to work in town. What. The. Fuck? (To be clear, none of these stories about how everything would be ok came from my department - they came form the administration during negotiations. Motherfuckers.)
The one bright spot on the horizon? There's a rumor that teaching load is being reduced - so more time for my own work. But I don't believe it. Because how are we going to offer students classes if we reduce classes offered but aren't adding more faculty? My guess: it's smoke up our ass, to shut us up about pay for a while.
So where does this leave me? I could be happy here. Maybe? Even with it's lack of urbanity. I like my colleagues. A lot. The town has enough services that I could get by. It's damn pretty. People are nice. But the lack of pay thing ... its egregious.
In all likelihood, I'm going back on the market. In essence, I'm calling these my "adjunct" or "post doc" years. When I went out on the market, my file kind of sucked. I hadn't published anything and I hadn't taught my own class. We won't go into blame here (well ok, we will a little. I should have done these things. But my advisor told me not to teach. He also never discussed spinning anything I wrote into an article, or offered to co-author with me - until it was almost time for me to graduate. He also didn't attend conferences, so was never really around to introduce me to people or talk me up. He was also pretty terrible about reading and commenting on my shit in a productive way. I got lots of monologues about big themes from him, but few serious - and actually useful - discussions about method and argument. Anyways.) Getting back to it: these are my adjunct years. I'm prepping a load of classes, getting a ton of teaching done. I'll get a piece out SOMEWHERE by the end of the academic year. Maybe a second one underway too. With my phd still "fresh," one article forthcoming and a second submitted, along with my improved teaching record - I feel like I can get a better job than this. I hate doing this to my colleagues. And I hate the stress of the job market. But this place ... it's run badly, and I won't let it grind me up. And I miss my home.
I hate admitting this. It feels like a big "told you so" from the advisor who told me NOT to take this job. (Though, in my defense: it's not clear what I would have done WITHOUT this job. I needed to work - there was no alternative plan or funding mechanism. And it's easier to find another job once you have a job. And my file would not have been better this year. Not at all. I needed to prep some classes. I needed to get an article out. I needed two years to do that, and I am simply not yet a better candidate this year. Plus, the market sucks hard still this year. I would have been fucked this year too.) But whatever. This was a good experience. It's what I needed I think.
There's even a Plan B. If I can't find a better job, in a better city after two years of job searching (that's 2012) - we're moving back to Chicago. It's a big city, and there's work for PhDs who can do a little statistics, do a little GIS, write, present, research, and teach. Doing something.
Wow. This sounds so grim doesn't it? Seriously: I'm not day to day THAT unhappy. This is just a low level thing, that kinda grinds away in my gut or gnaws at the back of my mind. I still laugh, and have fun, and smile. I enjoy teaching. I find one day a week to write. It's getting along. It's just, you know, I'm aware of my sitch - and I refuse to be fucked....
So, um, how was YOUR Turkey Day?
_biblia_:
turkey day was great, but it does sound like your sitch sucks. but it also sounds like you've got a good outlook on it and will work it to the best of your ability to get back to where you'd prefer to be.
meatpieboy:
Sounds like academia. I'm sorry to hear about your advisor not advising. It's amazing to hear those kinds of stories, even though they seem to happen fairly frequently. Advisors get the fuck out of touch really fast, I think. And that kind of crap about pay seems like it's around pretty regularly as well. It seems like it's either "Accept the status quo" or "watch your back". Good luck on the market.