Mood: Pride
Music: Nine Inch Nailz - The perfect drug
The entire time I lived in Israel this army was in the back of my head where I flagrantly ignored it. Yes, it's true that I was aware that it's the toughest army in the world but I never really gave consideration to that as a factor in me joining it. This is all tied up somehow in my pride and in a request I've made to God and in the question that I keep asking myself about earth: 'Would I spend forever here and not be satisfied?' I know now that the answers is no finally, but I'm still not sure to which part of the question...but getting no sleep after a full day to guard 300 tanks up in the Judean Hills in the freezing rain gives one much perspective on things in life...a couple hours alone in that amounts to a lot of time to think about the realities of life.
Israel is some sort of nodal point, Jerusalem in particular. Jerusalem is such an intense town - I stay the hell out of it as much as possible. A person my age who has complete recall of all of Jewish history doesn't need to spend time drinking around where he can see the bodies of the fallen from multiple ages in his head.
I'm among a valiant people, the more I see this the more I see that I'm around a ultimately stupid and stuborn people. And the more I see that the more I wonder if I really want to be a part of it anymore. Why do you defend a Jewish land when it doesn't want to be Jewish anymore? Why do you stay in Israel when being Israeli has no meaning for you??? These are the questions that I want to ask every last motherfucker in the army. Sometimes I just want to tell them that their future is ending, that their ideals are dead, that they need to give up and assimilate like everyone else. But, hey, people told the Maccabis that, people told Jesus that, people told the prophets that. All those people were wrong, so maybe I am too.
I am here in Israel myself becuase it does contain meaning for me personally, but it's meaning from a part of me that is all but dead. I say to myself that if I survive the ultimate physical and mental test in the most chaotic place on earth then going back to the order of the States will make the rest of my life a cakewalk. On the other hand I ask myself if I really need to feel like I'm among the best of the best anymore? What's the point in that? If I stayed here then what I'll be doing in the army is going to look softcore as hell...at least in Israeli terms.
The personification of this conflict between the Jewish side of myself and the secular side resides in my encounter with Flo - a person from the most Jewish point in my past - and Marc - my best friend who is NeoReligous (best world I can come up with for it on short notice and my mind is still reeling from all the Hebrew thought right now).
Flo is religious, kinda. Like Marc. Marc and Flo are TRUE BELEIVERS, like I was raised to be but ain't and never really was. Both actually believe in this fire and brimstone shit and then go and don't keep all the Jewish laws. I don't buy into this shit and I still keep Kosher and Shabbat - partly out of habit and partly because it earns me respect from everyone except the complete shit of this country so people's reactions to that information is the easiest way to judge them around here.
Anyways, Flo isn't here to be hardcore (though I'm sure that's part of it) like me. No, Flo is here follow what she takes to be the meaning of God's word or some shit. Respectable, but stupid. The more I'm in Israel the more I see that God honestly couldn't give a shit anymore, he got complete fed up with the Jews a while back (if he ever was there in the first place) - history clearly shows this. And it's not like the secular Israelis even think that there is God or give a shit about Israel (judging by how much they pollute it) so why do they do things like give their lives and half their income to this place? Idiots.
Not that the religious like Flo and Marc aren't idiots too - Idiots Waiting for Godot. News flash: People have been saying the end is near since the damn be
beginning. It isn't. There is no end. It's over when WE decide it's over, and thanks to idiotic religious thinking on behalf of all three abrahamic faiths that probably isn't far off, goddamnit it.
Ok, so why am I really so pissed off right now? Flo is only a few months older than me and she is a Major in the army already with 2 B.A.'s from Colombia while I am a Cadet with one degree (though from a school equal in difficulty to Colombia). The chick never sleeps.
Music: Nine Inch Nailz - The perfect drug
The entire time I lived in Israel this army was in the back of my head where I flagrantly ignored it. Yes, it's true that I was aware that it's the toughest army in the world but I never really gave consideration to that as a factor in me joining it. This is all tied up somehow in my pride and in a request I've made to God and in the question that I keep asking myself about earth: 'Would I spend forever here and not be satisfied?' I know now that the answers is no finally, but I'm still not sure to which part of the question...but getting no sleep after a full day to guard 300 tanks up in the Judean Hills in the freezing rain gives one much perspective on things in life...a couple hours alone in that amounts to a lot of time to think about the realities of life.
Israel is some sort of nodal point, Jerusalem in particular. Jerusalem is such an intense town - I stay the hell out of it as much as possible. A person my age who has complete recall of all of Jewish history doesn't need to spend time drinking around where he can see the bodies of the fallen from multiple ages in his head.
I'm among a valiant people, the more I see this the more I see that I'm around a ultimately stupid and stuborn people. And the more I see that the more I wonder if I really want to be a part of it anymore. Why do you defend a Jewish land when it doesn't want to be Jewish anymore? Why do you stay in Israel when being Israeli has no meaning for you??? These are the questions that I want to ask every last motherfucker in the army. Sometimes I just want to tell them that their future is ending, that their ideals are dead, that they need to give up and assimilate like everyone else. But, hey, people told the Maccabis that, people told Jesus that, people told the prophets that. All those people were wrong, so maybe I am too.
I am here in Israel myself becuase it does contain meaning for me personally, but it's meaning from a part of me that is all but dead. I say to myself that if I survive the ultimate physical and mental test in the most chaotic place on earth then going back to the order of the States will make the rest of my life a cakewalk. On the other hand I ask myself if I really need to feel like I'm among the best of the best anymore? What's the point in that? If I stayed here then what I'll be doing in the army is going to look softcore as hell...at least in Israeli terms.
The personification of this conflict between the Jewish side of myself and the secular side resides in my encounter with Flo - a person from the most Jewish point in my past - and Marc - my best friend who is NeoReligous (best world I can come up with for it on short notice and my mind is still reeling from all the Hebrew thought right now).
Flo is religious, kinda. Like Marc. Marc and Flo are TRUE BELEIVERS, like I was raised to be but ain't and never really was. Both actually believe in this fire and brimstone shit and then go and don't keep all the Jewish laws. I don't buy into this shit and I still keep Kosher and Shabbat - partly out of habit and partly because it earns me respect from everyone except the complete shit of this country so people's reactions to that information is the easiest way to judge them around here.
Anyways, Flo isn't here to be hardcore (though I'm sure that's part of it) like me. No, Flo is here follow what she takes to be the meaning of God's word or some shit. Respectable, but stupid. The more I'm in Israel the more I see that God honestly couldn't give a shit anymore, he got complete fed up with the Jews a while back (if he ever was there in the first place) - history clearly shows this. And it's not like the secular Israelis even think that there is God or give a shit about Israel (judging by how much they pollute it) so why do they do things like give their lives and half their income to this place? Idiots.
Not that the religious like Flo and Marc aren't idiots too - Idiots Waiting for Godot. News flash: People have been saying the end is near since the damn be
beginning. It isn't. There is no end. It's over when WE decide it's over, and thanks to idiotic religious thinking on behalf of all three abrahamic faiths that probably isn't far off, goddamnit it.
Ok, so why am I really so pissed off right now? Flo is only a few months older than me and she is a Major in the army already with 2 B.A.'s from Colombia while I am a Cadet with one degree (though from a school equal in difficulty to Colombia). The chick never sleeps.
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