*************UPDATE****************
Right, so it was - for a few hours - looking like things would be pretty calm and relaxed while my mom was here and I would be spending my time taking her to see the sights.
What was I thinking???
The melodramatic idiocey began when my stoner sister took my mother down to 'Drum Beach' in Tel Aviv where many a drug addict, alcoholic, and sleaze-bag galor was inhabiting for the friday night festivities.
My mom was all 'Wow they are being SO TRIBAL' as the rejects of Tel Aviv danced half naked to drums all around here and the 'shofar' was blown by the drum leader.
There can be no question as to why my sister comes down here on friday nights: The joints and beer flowed.
My mom enjoyed herself because she found the entire experience 'messianic' to the extent that every half naked deadbeat old yeminite looser who drooled over her she found it her calling to message in various ways (she's a messuse[sp?]) and talk to about the coming 'spiritual era' when the 'shekina' will be restored and the second temple will be rebuilt while I waited to get the fuck out of that shithole beach for hours.
It was so much like being a little kid again.
After that we made our way up the boardwalk and happened to passby a girl with her boyfriend who was quietly trying to get her bathingsuit top back on. NOTE: She did NOT have a good rack.
My mom says (loudly): Hey, nice tits.
The boyfriend in shock says 'WHAT?!'
To which my mom replies: 'NICE TITS' and keeps walking. My sisters just laughs as I gawk at my mom.
We then proceed to discuss the subjectivity of the human form until we reach the bar.
At the bar we await the arrival or my girl so that my mom can meet her and upon that event my mom makes her way back to my sister's and her boyfriends (the bar owners) apartment where my mom is staying in the spare room.
My sister escorts her back and an arguement errupts. My sister literally locks my mom in the apartment and returns to the bar (harsh).
Sara comes to me and explains what she's just done and I proceed to get the keys from her and bring my girlfriend back to the apartment where a panic ridden and crying mother await us.
My mom proceeds to explain how she can't even figure out how to turn the lights on or use a phone in the country (OH - THE DRAMA!!!) and we calm her down, turn on the AC, and proceed to figure out a way to get the fuck out of there (my mom never stops talking of her on fruition that I have EVER witnessed).
We go home, smoke some hash, and engage in various levels of THC induced love making.
And fall asleep.
At 4:50 in the morning we get a call from my sister's boyfriend. Upon establishing the fact that we are passed out he gets off the phone but tells us to call him when we are awake.
6 hous later I get up and try but he is asleep. So I call my mom.
My mom proceeds to explain to me about how she decided last night to 'take matters into her own hands' and went back to the bar to confront Sara about her 'lechorous ways'.
After 46 minutes of meanderings about the moral condition of her daughter I tell my mother I can't afford the phone call and get off the phone with her.
A little while later my sister calls and explains the full story:
It's 4am and everyone is exhausted. The bar still has a small croud in it and everyone who works there is still there. My mom comes in like a bat out of hell, walks striaght up to my (somewhat plastered) sister and slaps the shit out of her.
She then proceeds to scream at my sister using words like 'slut', 'pothead' and 'ingreat' (my sister paid for my mom's trip over here) until the bar owners (my sister's boyfriend) comes up and starts telling my mom off.
And then they yell some until, at some point, my mom tucks her tail between her legs and goes back to the apartment.
My sister and her boyfriend sleep elsewhere.
As of right now I am about to go back down to Tel Aviv to pick up my mom and her stuff so that she can come stay with me.
My mom has been in Israel now for 36 hours.
I have 15 days left to survive of this shit.
Right, so it was - for a few hours - looking like things would be pretty calm and relaxed while my mom was here and I would be spending my time taking her to see the sights.
What was I thinking???
The melodramatic idiocey began when my stoner sister took my mother down to 'Drum Beach' in Tel Aviv where many a drug addict, alcoholic, and sleaze-bag galor was inhabiting for the friday night festivities.
My mom was all 'Wow they are being SO TRIBAL' as the rejects of Tel Aviv danced half naked to drums all around here and the 'shofar' was blown by the drum leader.
There can be no question as to why my sister comes down here on friday nights: The joints and beer flowed.
My mom enjoyed herself because she found the entire experience 'messianic' to the extent that every half naked deadbeat old yeminite looser who drooled over her she found it her calling to message in various ways (she's a messuse[sp?]) and talk to about the coming 'spiritual era' when the 'shekina' will be restored and the second temple will be rebuilt while I waited to get the fuck out of that shithole beach for hours.
It was so much like being a little kid again.
After that we made our way up the boardwalk and happened to passby a girl with her boyfriend who was quietly trying to get her bathingsuit top back on. NOTE: She did NOT have a good rack.
My mom says (loudly): Hey, nice tits.
The boyfriend in shock says 'WHAT?!'
To which my mom replies: 'NICE TITS' and keeps walking. My sisters just laughs as I gawk at my mom.
We then proceed to discuss the subjectivity of the human form until we reach the bar.
At the bar we await the arrival or my girl so that my mom can meet her and upon that event my mom makes her way back to my sister's and her boyfriends (the bar owners) apartment where my mom is staying in the spare room.
My sister escorts her back and an arguement errupts. My sister literally locks my mom in the apartment and returns to the bar (harsh).
Sara comes to me and explains what she's just done and I proceed to get the keys from her and bring my girlfriend back to the apartment where a panic ridden and crying mother await us.
My mom proceeds to explain how she can't even figure out how to turn the lights on or use a phone in the country (OH - THE DRAMA!!!) and we calm her down, turn on the AC, and proceed to figure out a way to get the fuck out of there (my mom never stops talking of her on fruition that I have EVER witnessed).
We go home, smoke some hash, and engage in various levels of THC induced love making.
And fall asleep.
At 4:50 in the morning we get a call from my sister's boyfriend. Upon establishing the fact that we are passed out he gets off the phone but tells us to call him when we are awake.
6 hous later I get up and try but he is asleep. So I call my mom.
My mom proceeds to explain to me about how she decided last night to 'take matters into her own hands' and went back to the bar to confront Sara about her 'lechorous ways'.
After 46 minutes of meanderings about the moral condition of her daughter I tell my mother I can't afford the phone call and get off the phone with her.
A little while later my sister calls and explains the full story:
It's 4am and everyone is exhausted. The bar still has a small croud in it and everyone who works there is still there. My mom comes in like a bat out of hell, walks striaght up to my (somewhat plastered) sister and slaps the shit out of her.
She then proceeds to scream at my sister using words like 'slut', 'pothead' and 'ingreat' (my sister paid for my mom's trip over here) until the bar owners (my sister's boyfriend) comes up and starts telling my mom off.
And then they yell some until, at some point, my mom tucks her tail between her legs and goes back to the apartment.
My sister and her boyfriend sleep elsewhere.
As of right now I am about to go back down to Tel Aviv to pick up my mom and her stuff so that she can come stay with me.
My mom has been in Israel now for 36 hours.
I have 15 days left to survive of this shit.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
Good luck.
Lotso love,
T.C.
Nah, I don't live in Seattle now but I've been visiting like crazy lately.