Just something I'm doing for the hell of it, but very funny if you are into Invader Zim
Oh, and for the record: Love is finding hardcore porn on your girlfriend's computer and not laughing your ass off at her. (yes, this just happened to me)
===================================
MOOD: Fear and loathing
Music: System of a Down
My mom is going to be in Israel in about 2 weeks.
Fuck.
Shit.
Damnit.
Mom on my terf of 4 years. Mom in the place where Mom is never supposed to intrude.
Mom, who has always been more Israeli then I will ever be, here amoung all the crude-ass motherfuckers that she is so much like.
Mom in her element.
It was so nice to go 4 years without being humilated.
Mom nagging me. Mom bossing me. Mom inquiring into my dick size. Mom telling everyone how proud she is of me. Mom flirting with every man in earshot. Mom the socially unacceptable.
Mom telling me to get laid. In public.
Mom the psycho bitch. That's what my friends called her in high school: Jared's Mom - the psycho bitch. At synogogue they just gave that look of disapproval, but high school students are fairly damn honest people. 'Psycho Bitch' - It was an accurate description at the time.
My loud as hell mother. My mother who doesn't remember the times I've saved her life when she's chocked on sleeping pills and ran for handguns. My mother who chooses to forget the screaming she used to do at me because she couldn't do it at my father with impunity.
Mom AND Sara. Together. I haven't seen them together in years. This means that:
Everyone I know will shortly know be aware of -
1. My first word
2. How I ALWAYS lock doors when I use a restroom
3. My first crush and how I acted about it
4. The fact that my cock doesn't point completely straight up
5. How much toilet paper I use
6. How I never got the right moment to kiss my first girlfriend
7. All my hidden talents and weaknesses
8. And generally all the personal and private shit that I don't want people to know about me
My ego will go from galatic to peanut sized.
Food will taste like shit for a month. Flowers won't spell as good. Erections won't last as long.
If I know my mom (and no one knows her better) It's going to take her exactly 15 minutes after meeting my girlfriend to determine that I've had sex with her. That is the absolute WORST part of it all.
I swore, years ago, - after a particularly tramautic incident involving my mother barging in on me feeling my chick at that time up - that my mom would NEVER know ANYTHING about my sex life again.
And now she's going to meet Carmel.
Fuck
Shit.
Damnit.
Ever get the feeling that God HATES you???
All I can say is thank fuck that I'm leaving Israel soon after this travesty will occur.
Oh, and for the record: Love is finding hardcore porn on your girlfriend's computer and not laughing your ass off at her. (yes, this just happened to me)
===================================
MOOD: Fear and loathing
Music: System of a Down
My mom is going to be in Israel in about 2 weeks.
Fuck.
Shit.
Damnit.
Mom on my terf of 4 years. Mom in the place where Mom is never supposed to intrude.
Mom, who has always been more Israeli then I will ever be, here amoung all the crude-ass motherfuckers that she is so much like.
Mom in her element.
It was so nice to go 4 years without being humilated.
Mom nagging me. Mom bossing me. Mom inquiring into my dick size. Mom telling everyone how proud she is of me. Mom flirting with every man in earshot. Mom the socially unacceptable.
Mom telling me to get laid. In public.
Mom the psycho bitch. That's what my friends called her in high school: Jared's Mom - the psycho bitch. At synogogue they just gave that look of disapproval, but high school students are fairly damn honest people. 'Psycho Bitch' - It was an accurate description at the time.
My loud as hell mother. My mother who doesn't remember the times I've saved her life when she's chocked on sleeping pills and ran for handguns. My mother who chooses to forget the screaming she used to do at me because she couldn't do it at my father with impunity.
Mom AND Sara. Together. I haven't seen them together in years. This means that:
Everyone I know will shortly know be aware of -
1. My first word
2. How I ALWAYS lock doors when I use a restroom
3. My first crush and how I acted about it
4. The fact that my cock doesn't point completely straight up
5. How much toilet paper I use
6. How I never got the right moment to kiss my first girlfriend
7. All my hidden talents and weaknesses
8. And generally all the personal and private shit that I don't want people to know about me
My ego will go from galatic to peanut sized.
Food will taste like shit for a month. Flowers won't spell as good. Erections won't last as long.
If I know my mom (and no one knows her better) It's going to take her exactly 15 minutes after meeting my girlfriend to determine that I've had sex with her. That is the absolute WORST part of it all.
I swore, years ago, - after a particularly tramautic incident involving my mother barging in on me feeling my chick at that time up - that my mom would NEVER know ANYTHING about my sex life again.
And now she's going to meet Carmel.
Fuck
Shit.
Damnit.
Ever get the feeling that God HATES you???
All I can say is thank fuck that I'm leaving Israel soon after this travesty will occur.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
corvus:
So how goes the empire building?
alhim:
for a whole month?! damn dude.