SG (members, girls, hopefuls, @lyxzen , & @missy),
I shouldn’t have reacted in the way I did recently to someone who had some not-so-kind words to say in a time when they shouldn't be. It just pushed me to react before thinking, and that is not the normal me. Too many bad things going on at once, such as painful kidney infection + hospitalization + insensitivity = me being cranky and not so nice. I did not represent myself as an ambassador to this site adequately, and I am sorry for that.
Some of the time it feels like the world is crashing in on me, and I just keep it bottled up inside. I've let myself down, again, and I'm beating myself up over it. I've been living in this fog for the last few months. My brain has been constantly struggling to recall simple things. However, oddly enough, when I am working on a project of some sort, I am content just to have something else on my mind for once. I seem to excel at things like that. It's like working on a cosplay; my hands, may cramp because I sew by hand, yet, I keep going because I've no need to dwell on anything negative, even on my health. I'm literally not in pain as long as I am doing this
I've been sick almost all winter. I've had quite a few setbacks due to my health, but I'm starting to feel better than ever. I know I haven't exactly been a model citizen, and it's something I'm working on. Apparently, I was having bad reactions to combos of some of my medications, and I took out my anger on others due to this. It's still no excuse, and I should not have acted so rudely, but life had been really tough in 2017, and while some of my displaced anger had leaked into 2018, I know I am capable of being better than how I have been in the past.
I now realize that my humor and sarcasm are not understood at times, and I guess it's another thing to work on; and sometimes even my the posts in which calculate, and do my best to use my words wisely, there's always, sometimes, that one person who doesn't seem to think it's well-intended post.
There are 2 sides to every story, and I'm certainly not perfect, nor an angel by any means. However, when one makes accusations about someone, covers it in muck, and leaves out the fact that they were the instigator, both sides are needed to be shown. I feel like my side may have not been presented well, but I'm not going to argue. I was stupid to react so readily and harshly to someone who started insults. I should have placed the person in question on ignore the second I saw the rude comments, and I tried, but it was taken to another level elsewhere, which I did my best to ignore & block, and not that I'm placing blame on anyone else but myself, yet many of my followers from instagram kept replying.
Winter isolation and being hurt/used by people I thought were friends and being lied to by so many people just has made me weak, and I fell into a drama trap I didn't see coming. I took the bait, and all my frustrations were let out in one moment of weakness and rage.
I'm truly sorry for this. I just don't want people or staff to lose faith in me and in what I can do and love doing for this website. I can't just let go of 14 years because of one bad incident. I know someone out there knows that I'm trustworthy and a hard worker, especially when I am in charge of the planning. I don't find being a project leader something hard for me to do. I do have a hard time remaining idle and useless. And that's how I've been feeling lately.
I would give anything to have the trust I had with this site, its members, and staff back. I will never bite back at anyone who tries to insult or harm me or my reputation again. I got off to a rocky start this year.
I just want this to be over, done, and forgotten. I was in a bad medical state, which caused a bad mental state, but now that things seem to be getting better with the thanks of my doctors, and finding the source of most of my problems, including my eyesight. Medications were changed and are no more bad side effects or interactions. My anxiety got the better of me, and triggered the years I'd been bullied, even by my own family, and I did the hot-headed thing I shouldn't have.
I hope you all can accept my apology. I promise to not react harshly to anyone's insults, and do my best to let them roll off my back.
Sincerely,
Sid
