I've realised that I don't care anymore. I don't care for anything. Actually, I've become emotionally absent and zombified. People can't seem to touch me or tap into my thoughts, ever persistant thoughts, anymore. There use to be a cold wall that could be broken down, but now, there's really nothing, an invisible membrane, veiling me from feelings. It's weird, because as I notice this, and type it, I don't care, and it's kind of pathetic, because I don't care if anyone knows it, or understands it, which defeats the purpose of informing you, or anyone else, by typing it.
Arg. I'm a pirate. Anyway. I've started listening to some old bands that I use to listen to, before I completely lost my mind. Bands like: Evergreen Terrace, Saosin, Norma Jean, ect. Don't ask me why. I've gotten the sudden desire to listen to the music I listened to when I felt things. It gives me good memories of happiness and bad memories of sorrow...things I just don't experience anymore. Weird. Whatever.
"I'm sorry I knocked the paint over on the carpet, Dad (it was a goddamn accident, I was fucking 6 years old with a bouncy-ball, what did you expect?)."
"I'm sorry I said I hated you, Mom (but I'm not sorry that you're a fucking bitch that should be hated with every fiber of my existance)."
My eyeliner is sharper than yours and I'm fucking beautiful today with someone's vomit in my pocket. I promise you the clouds won't scream at you if you stare at them, but I'll eat your face if you talk to me. You've been a bad, silly boy, but it's okay, because I'm the queen of hearts with ripped, paper cards. The disease drips from my cheeks like candy-coated blood. Eat me. Kill me. Fuck the pain until it screams under the sheets like a suffocating, World child of gore.
Dear anyone I've ever dated,
Fuck you. I hope you die a bloody, painful death. I hope you get married and your wife dies while giving birth to your deformed children. I hope your deformed children get picked on and hate you for making them. I hope you see me somewhere down the line and miss me, because I'll be waiting to turn you down, and find the cruelest things to say to you...to kick you in your already broken ribs, you fucking asshole.
Sincerely,
Me
Arg. I'm a pirate. Anyway. I've started listening to some old bands that I use to listen to, before I completely lost my mind. Bands like: Evergreen Terrace, Saosin, Norma Jean, ect. Don't ask me why. I've gotten the sudden desire to listen to the music I listened to when I felt things. It gives me good memories of happiness and bad memories of sorrow...things I just don't experience anymore. Weird. Whatever.
"I'm sorry I knocked the paint over on the carpet, Dad (it was a goddamn accident, I was fucking 6 years old with a bouncy-ball, what did you expect?)."
"I'm sorry I said I hated you, Mom (but I'm not sorry that you're a fucking bitch that should be hated with every fiber of my existance)."
My eyeliner is sharper than yours and I'm fucking beautiful today with someone's vomit in my pocket. I promise you the clouds won't scream at you if you stare at them, but I'll eat your face if you talk to me. You've been a bad, silly boy, but it's okay, because I'm the queen of hearts with ripped, paper cards. The disease drips from my cheeks like candy-coated blood. Eat me. Kill me. Fuck the pain until it screams under the sheets like a suffocating, World child of gore.
Dear anyone I've ever dated,
Fuck you. I hope you die a bloody, painful death. I hope you get married and your wife dies while giving birth to your deformed children. I hope your deformed children get picked on and hate you for making them. I hope you see me somewhere down the line and miss me, because I'll be waiting to turn you down, and find the cruelest things to say to you...to kick you in your already broken ribs, you fucking asshole.
Sincerely,
Me
To the journal entry: I'm not going to sit here and tell you I understand and all that bullshit, because when people feel alone, it's different in every case for many reasons. On the opposite side of that, I tend to alienate myself from people. I like having my own space, and I get really irritated when people try to cross the line. I'll try not to step over your line.
I really just wanted to say that you seem like a pretty cool chick, and I hope everything works out. The last thing the world needs is one LESS person who understands the greatness of "The Art of War".