shortchanged

so my girlfriend tells me last night that her feelings for me have changed and she thinks that in the future she may want to see other people. this necessitates her crying and bawling to me, who is of an otherworldy calm, you know that calm? the calm before the storm, the calm before the last breath of a soon to be deceased person, the calm that makes you appreciate everything youve ever learned about firearms and very sharp knives and swords? that calm. my knuckles are bruised up from meditation (by that i mean punching the shit out of anything harder than perhaps diamonds) and my heart is still beating at an erratic pace. sure, she was a little ways away, she said she was lonely. get a dog, i said. sure, she was 17 and i was the first boyfriend she said she'd loved, why not marry me? in a few years... after i get my degree and we move in together... and get that dog i was talking about. no, lets start seeing other people. okay. sure. and let me gouge my eyes out with a grapefruit spoon while we're at it. just so happens thats my favorite pasttime, but all our grapefruit spoons were dirty. so she cries. and i sat. then i laid. then i beat the shit out of some more stuff. then today i find out that shes going to her senior prom with somebody. somebody who isnt me. damn, dishes havent been washed, grapefruit spoons adorn the sink. now shes trying to talk to me. what am i supposed to do? congratulate her for making me feel like the past 9 months of my life, the past $800 i've spent visiting another state to see her, the best moments of my life in a LONG TIME mean nothing now? shes okay to go with someone the DAY AFTER SHE BREAKS UP WITH ME?!?!!?!?! they tell me i have no feelings. my last girlfriend had no heart. well a knife in the chest sure does feel like something. i'll tell you when i get out of the hospital.