Breaking News: Shojo attempts to be funny in journal update. France surrenders. Haha, that joke never gets old.
Well, okay, Ill admit that my humor is roughly as unfunny and awkward as getting poked in the eye or watching the movie Eurotrip. But talking to you all makes my spirits soar and stirs a powerful fire in my loins (because of the chlamydia you gave me last month) so I cant help but crack the kind of strained jokes youd expect from a comedian being held at gunpoint with his penis stuck in an oven.
I desperately need to talk, to vent these frustrations I've been harboring for these past few days. I feel as if I'll simply explode like a pig that's been thrown from the top of a 16 story building while a Slayer song is playing, but not nearly so awesomely. In my last journal entry I wrote in Latin "Slight griefs talk, great ones are speechless". Now what I really wanted to write was "Kindly jump on my throbbing man-harpoon, Captain Ahab", but my Latin teacher had thrown a chair at my face when I asked how to say that in High School. Anyways, this refrain is very true of my character. Ill most likely remain silent and withdrawn if Im in low spirits. Laconic, emotionally exhausted, and lonely have been I these few days past. You remember the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers? The firsts ones, I mean, the ones before Time Rangers or Dino Thunder Rangers or Hyper Jungle Prison Lust Rangers or whatever? Well, their team consisted of the Red Ranger, who was the leader for a while. The Pink Ranger, who loved cock more than oxygen. The Yellow Ranger, the Asian girl whos brilliant acting could never manage mask the expression of Yellow Ranger? What the fuck with is this cock-fuck racist horse-shit!? she always had on her face. The Blue one (may be gay [?]). The white one. The one who wasnt the white one (green?)? And lastly the black one. NOBODY FUCKING LIKED THE BLACK RANGER! No matter how much ass he kicked with his suave ghetto charm, homeboy never got any respect. Even the pink ranger wouldnt fuck him. THE GODDAMN PINK RANGER HAD SEX WITH THE TWO UGLY PUNKS WHO SERVED AS THE COMIC RELIEF FOR CHRIST SAKE!
Photographer: Okay! Great pose you guys! Now hold it while I take the shot. Ah hey, Black Power Ranger could you move a little farther back? No farther yeah, thats good. Wait, no, farther
Black Power Ranger: (mumbling) dont get paid enough for this stupid shit.
Where was I? Oh yeah, well lately I feel like Im the Black Ranger. Ive been kicking so many asses, but I dont feel like doing this has earned me any meaningful human contact. I hope you understand, even if that last sentence made less sense than licking a mailbox so it would crown you as Queen of Denmark.
I try to turn to friends to help me with this problem, but my brain started to hurt with this thing someone called a realization and I discovered you cant ask your friends why you dont have any friends. So instead, I turned to someone whom I knew beyond the farthest shadow of a doubt could help me sort out my problems with loneliness: The Cures Robert Smith.
Me: So, Mister Smith can I call you Rob? Haha. Anyways, so how do you think I could possibly rectify this problem I have with social anxiety and ineptitude?
The Cures Robert Smith: Please, whoever you are, just let me go. I- Im not Robert Smith! My names Todd!
Me: Oh, Smith, you card! Haha, I just knew youd impress me with that wit of yours! But seriously, I need your help
The Cures Robert Smith: Wh-where are my pants!? SOMEONE HELP ME!
Me: IT PUTS THE LOTION ON ITS SKIN OR ELSE IT GETS THE HOSE AGAIN!
Well, okay, Ill admit that my humor is roughly as unfunny and awkward as getting poked in the eye or watching the movie Eurotrip. But talking to you all makes my spirits soar and stirs a powerful fire in my loins (because of the chlamydia you gave me last month) so I cant help but crack the kind of strained jokes youd expect from a comedian being held at gunpoint with his penis stuck in an oven.
I desperately need to talk, to vent these frustrations I've been harboring for these past few days. I feel as if I'll simply explode like a pig that's been thrown from the top of a 16 story building while a Slayer song is playing, but not nearly so awesomely. In my last journal entry I wrote in Latin "Slight griefs talk, great ones are speechless". Now what I really wanted to write was "Kindly jump on my throbbing man-harpoon, Captain Ahab", but my Latin teacher had thrown a chair at my face when I asked how to say that in High School. Anyways, this refrain is very true of my character. Ill most likely remain silent and withdrawn if Im in low spirits. Laconic, emotionally exhausted, and lonely have been I these few days past. You remember the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers? The firsts ones, I mean, the ones before Time Rangers or Dino Thunder Rangers or Hyper Jungle Prison Lust Rangers or whatever? Well, their team consisted of the Red Ranger, who was the leader for a while. The Pink Ranger, who loved cock more than oxygen. The Yellow Ranger, the Asian girl whos brilliant acting could never manage mask the expression of Yellow Ranger? What the fuck with is this cock-fuck racist horse-shit!? she always had on her face. The Blue one (may be gay [?]). The white one. The one who wasnt the white one (green?)? And lastly the black one. NOBODY FUCKING LIKED THE BLACK RANGER! No matter how much ass he kicked with his suave ghetto charm, homeboy never got any respect. Even the pink ranger wouldnt fuck him. THE GODDAMN PINK RANGER HAD SEX WITH THE TWO UGLY PUNKS WHO SERVED AS THE COMIC RELIEF FOR CHRIST SAKE!
Photographer: Okay! Great pose you guys! Now hold it while I take the shot. Ah hey, Black Power Ranger could you move a little farther back? No farther yeah, thats good. Wait, no, farther
Black Power Ranger: (mumbling) dont get paid enough for this stupid shit.
Where was I? Oh yeah, well lately I feel like Im the Black Ranger. Ive been kicking so many asses, but I dont feel like doing this has earned me any meaningful human contact. I hope you understand, even if that last sentence made less sense than licking a mailbox so it would crown you as Queen of Denmark.
I try to turn to friends to help me with this problem, but my brain started to hurt with this thing someone called a realization and I discovered you cant ask your friends why you dont have any friends. So instead, I turned to someone whom I knew beyond the farthest shadow of a doubt could help me sort out my problems with loneliness: The Cures Robert Smith.
Me: So, Mister Smith can I call you Rob? Haha. Anyways, so how do you think I could possibly rectify this problem I have with social anxiety and ineptitude?
The Cures Robert Smith: Please, whoever you are, just let me go. I- Im not Robert Smith! My names Todd!
Me: Oh, Smith, you card! Haha, I just knew youd impress me with that wit of yours! But seriously, I need your help
The Cures Robert Smith: Wh-where are my pants!? SOMEONE HELP ME!
Me: IT PUTS THE LOTION ON ITS SKIN OR ELSE IT GETS THE HOSE AGAIN!
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
museb:
yes and cake works just as well as humor...although not as quickly...
7stringmetalking:
you you should write a richard broughtigan like novel