I feel acomplished. I did laundry, scrubbed every cerface in the bathrooms, did dishes, finished framing all my pictures and finished the collage I've been working on for the cover of my journal. Sweet release.
Gunna try and see if my parents want to go rent a movie, I'm craving seeing 'The Lathe of Heaven' again. Brings back memories of Paddy. And I can't seem to find in on the interweb..Pooh-y.
On the downside, I feel betrayed by my own emotions. The feeling of wanting to let go, to disappear like others can, but I can't bring myself to do it. Again, my horoscope is very fitting of this: "Today's celestial energy makes you a little unsure of how to express yourself. On the one hand you just want to say what you have to say with a minimum of fuss and total honesty. On the other hand you also realize that in sharing your deeper feelings you could become quite emotional and are worried about showing yourself to be quite so vulnerable. Just let it flow!"
Figures, I always 'go with the flow' so to speak....Guess I can't do anything wrong. Bleck...
I now an nearing the 1 week mark to leaving this wretched city for more than a day! For the first time, in god knows, about a month. Actually it will be exactly one month, since the night we stayed at Chad's. I am definately looking forward to seeing Paddy, god I miss him, everything that we had going for us. Have you ever made a choice that, looking back, you think ruined your life? I have.
And unless I'm willing to uproot myself, give up the island life, I can't have that again. Not unless for some reason he comes back, which I also don't see happening.
Breath deep, calm the central nervous system, think happy thoughts....Right? Hmmm, doesn't seem to be working.
I hate being in last place, I hate being overlooked constantly. I still feel like my hopes and desires aren't even being considered. I don't feel loved anymore. It bites.
My mom just got a whole wack of new CD's, they're listening to The Cranberries...My mom has the best fucking taste in music.
Anywho. Serena, if you read this, I am fully disappointed. I've lost more than just trust in you over the last month. I've lost all will to go on.
Maybe, who knows, just maybe, it's for the better..
Gunna try and see if my parents want to go rent a movie, I'm craving seeing 'The Lathe of Heaven' again. Brings back memories of Paddy. And I can't seem to find in on the interweb..Pooh-y.
On the downside, I feel betrayed by my own emotions. The feeling of wanting to let go, to disappear like others can, but I can't bring myself to do it. Again, my horoscope is very fitting of this: "Today's celestial energy makes you a little unsure of how to express yourself. On the one hand you just want to say what you have to say with a minimum of fuss and total honesty. On the other hand you also realize that in sharing your deeper feelings you could become quite emotional and are worried about showing yourself to be quite so vulnerable. Just let it flow!"
Figures, I always 'go with the flow' so to speak....Guess I can't do anything wrong. Bleck...
I now an nearing the 1 week mark to leaving this wretched city for more than a day! For the first time, in god knows, about a month. Actually it will be exactly one month, since the night we stayed at Chad's. I am definately looking forward to seeing Paddy, god I miss him, everything that we had going for us. Have you ever made a choice that, looking back, you think ruined your life? I have.
And unless I'm willing to uproot myself, give up the island life, I can't have that again. Not unless for some reason he comes back, which I also don't see happening.
Breath deep, calm the central nervous system, think happy thoughts....Right? Hmmm, doesn't seem to be working.
I hate being in last place, I hate being overlooked constantly. I still feel like my hopes and desires aren't even being considered. I don't feel loved anymore. It bites.
My mom just got a whole wack of new CD's, they're listening to The Cranberries...My mom has the best fucking taste in music.
Anywho. Serena, if you read this, I am fully disappointed. I've lost more than just trust in you over the last month. I've lost all will to go on.
Maybe, who knows, just maybe, it's for the better..
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
good luck on your trip next week.