Wow, have I had a bad run of luck. 
My grandfather died last Wednesday. He just turned 80, so he had a nice long life, but that doesn't make it any easier. Yeah, I know he's in a better place, no more pain, blah blah blah...but that doesn't make selfish people like me cope any better. Ever since his death I have been having vivid real feeling dreams about my grandmother...the weird thing, though...is I hardly ever dream (or remember them). It's almost like I was still holding on to my grandmother through him. And now that he is gone....well...I've got nothing. He was my last grandparent.
The sale of the farm closes at the end of this month. The farm I inherited from above grandparents. My grandfather had moved into assisted living and signed over his life estate to us so we could do with it what we wanted. It is really far away, no one has the means to take care of it. Since it has been vacant it has already been vandalized
, so my family decided to sell it would be best. I spent every summer of my youth on this farm. I know I can't take care of it, but I don't want to sell it. It's too late now, as we have a contract on it.
Yesterday was doctor appointment day. I went to the dermatologist for a check-up on my rosacea. Somehow that led to...I don't like the looks of this mole on your arm. I took a peek and realized...holy hell...that didn't look that way last time I looked at it. 5 seconds later I've got a giant hole in my arm and 3 stitches. Granted, it could be nothing...but I can't believe I didn't notice how it had changed. If it comes back melanoma, then my Dr. has to go back in deeper and wider.
My arm is SORE...it's gonna be a great day for cutting hair.
After the dermatologist, I got to go to my yearly gyno appointment. Need I say more?
And, I don't want to get all philosophical and sad, but after reading my bestest SG friend's journal, I came to realize that if I took a poll of all my friends, I bet none of them would know much about me. I have tons of friends, many I consider great friends, but I really really believe most of them don't know jack shit about me. It's my own fault...I don't share much...but they don't ask much either. And while I'm feeling sorry for myself, I just have to say how hurt I was when only 1 of my friends whose wedding I was in came to my wedding. And trust me, I have been in a lot of weddings. At least 10 weddings. (ok, so my sisters were at my wedding, but that still leaves 7 supposedly good friends that stood me up.) I mean, shit! I didn't make them buy a fucking ugly dress! I just wanted them to show up! One of them even had the nerve to tell me it must have been an omen that she didn't come because the marriage didn't work out. You know what? FUCK YOU!
(not you, her.)
My grandfather died last Wednesday. He just turned 80, so he had a nice long life, but that doesn't make it any easier. Yeah, I know he's in a better place, no more pain, blah blah blah...but that doesn't make selfish people like me cope any better. Ever since his death I have been having vivid real feeling dreams about my grandmother...the weird thing, though...is I hardly ever dream (or remember them). It's almost like I was still holding on to my grandmother through him. And now that he is gone....well...I've got nothing. He was my last grandparent.
The sale of the farm closes at the end of this month. The farm I inherited from above grandparents. My grandfather had moved into assisted living and signed over his life estate to us so we could do with it what we wanted. It is really far away, no one has the means to take care of it. Since it has been vacant it has already been vandalized
, so my family decided to sell it would be best. I spent every summer of my youth on this farm. I know I can't take care of it, but I don't want to sell it. It's too late now, as we have a contract on it.
Yesterday was doctor appointment day. I went to the dermatologist for a check-up on my rosacea. Somehow that led to...I don't like the looks of this mole on your arm. I took a peek and realized...holy hell...that didn't look that way last time I looked at it. 5 seconds later I've got a giant hole in my arm and 3 stitches. Granted, it could be nothing...but I can't believe I didn't notice how it had changed. If it comes back melanoma, then my Dr. has to go back in deeper and wider.
My arm is SORE...it's gonna be a great day for cutting hair.
After the dermatologist, I got to go to my yearly gyno appointment. Need I say more?
And, I don't want to get all philosophical and sad, but after reading my bestest SG friend's journal, I came to realize that if I took a poll of all my friends, I bet none of them would know much about me. I have tons of friends, many I consider great friends, but I really really believe most of them don't know jack shit about me. It's my own fault...I don't share much...but they don't ask much either. And while I'm feeling sorry for myself, I just have to say how hurt I was when only 1 of my friends whose wedding I was in came to my wedding. And trust me, I have been in a lot of weddings. At least 10 weddings. (ok, so my sisters were at my wedding, but that still leaves 7 supposedly good friends that stood me up.) I mean, shit! I didn't make them buy a fucking ugly dress! I just wanted them to show up! One of them even had the nerve to tell me it must have been an omen that she didn't come because the marriage didn't work out. You know what? FUCK YOU!
(not you, her.)
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xo
T
Since there wasn't much to do, since both of us were poor, there aren't too many "public" details to be given. There was alot of discussions, alot of talks, alot of caring and sharing.
I met all of her family. I got to see the area, and saw a bunch of the Lincoln Memorial stuff in the area. It was nice. very pleasant. I just wish it wasn't so cool this week there.
Next time I go up there, I think we are going to visit St. Louis and hang out there for a day or two.