shivasshakti

I slept in my car for three nights, and ten cumulative hours of sleep in that time wasn't nearly enough for all the studying I needed to have done.

Ex-Boyfriend came to town. He knew when I told him I was at the library that I was actually at home, and he knew when I told him I was at home I was actually at the library.

I told him to stop, told him to turn around, told him I wouldn't see him. He didn't take me seriously, and spent most of his time in the parking lot across from my apartment building. I couldn't go home amidst Murder Threats and Marriage Proposals.

So I went home to shower in the early mornings when I assumed he was asleep in a hotel with The Junkie and Her Posse.

The Hypochondriac Neighbor and Her Fiance fed the cats, and I lived on gas station coffee, granola bars, and bubblegum.

When The GQ Classmate asked about the dark circles under my eyes, I blamed it on finals. He laughed and told me to go home and get some rest. I didn't tell him that I stayed in the library until it closed because I had nowhere else to go, or that I came in the morning as soon as it opened because I had nowhere else to stay.

* * *

He bribed me with The Drugs I Like, and it really was all I could do to say no. Because I was supposed to slam with him and The Junkie Friend, who I'm sure would've just been The Third Party in what would have become Altered-State Sexual Deviance.

He said We'll party, and I said, No strings, and he said, No baby, no strings.

I was tempted, and I almost said yes. But I didn't, and he left after a week, crying into my voicemail.

* * *

The Mellow Classmate and I went to The Show on Friday. We danced and drank and clapped and when we walked back to my place and fell into bed together, I convinced myself I was falling for him again because when I Sighed, he Moaned, and when he Kissed, I Gasped, and I slept well for the first time in weeks, with my face pressed into his chest and his hand on the bony part of my hip. Which was surprising, really, because I'm not The Girl Who Cuddles Afterward.

In the morning, though, I remembered he's Short, and Young too. My Mom says I'm Too Critical, that he's A Good Guy, and has Beautiful Eyes. I am, and he is, and he does.

* * *

But I dreamed about The GQ Classmate, who was Especially Endearing before he left for the weekend, and when I woke up I half-expected it to be him in my bed stretching next to me.

But the first time I snuck from his bed while he snored, in the morning he was surprised I was gone. Though he shouldn't have been - I'm not The Girl Who Stays For Breakfast.

So when he asked why I left, and I told him, he laughed, a little, and said, Yeah. Me too. You're such a guy, for a girl. So it would never have been him I woke up to.

* * *

And, really, I'm not sure I'd have wanted it to be him. I'm not sure I'd have wanted it to be anyone.

I'm really not sure I can even be The Girl Who Wakes Up Next To Someone.

* * *

I found a gray hair on my head this morning, and nearly cried.

* * *

I'm worried for France, and I'm worried for America, and I'm worried for the world. It's probably where the gray hair came from.

* * *

What's your favorite age so far?