shinracorp

This is my comeback post.

Sorry to all of you, i vanished without so much as a word. It was kind of selfish of me.

Now im back trying to get back to who i was. I still am not who I was just 3 or so months ago. My mind is clouded with bad thoughts and confused images. Let me explain.

In the last post you may remember that i had met a wonderful young woman and wanted to be with her. Well I was with her. It was amazing, she was beautiful and smart and was getting her life on track. She was pretty much everything i had always wanted in a girl. We had so much fun, we had amazing conversations, and all the other good stuff that comes from being close to someone.

She broke up with me the saturday before christmas. I kinda saw it coming but i tried to prevent it. She was becoming a little distant. I got upset and went roaming around the mall by myself shopping for the few gifts that i had left to get. I fell down a set of icy stairs in the parking lot. I fucked myself up pretty good. So now i was in mental and physical pain. I was pretty much done with life at that point. A couple days after she broke up with me my brother was sent back to the hospital, we werent sure if he was going to be out for christmas. I spent the better part of the next month drinking all day and night in my bedroom, not talking to anyone. The only time i came out was to go to work and when the ex wanted to hang out with me. Because for some crazy bitch reason she still wanted to be friends, even though i clearly couldnt handle it at the time, and in some ways still cant. We would hang out and still have fun, her thinking that she was gonna make a good friend, and me hoping that i could maybe win her back by buying her things and keeping her entertained. Yea im fuckin stupid like that. I woulda stopped sooner cept evryone once in a while she would kiss me or we would fool around or she would ask me if i ever thought we would get back together. As you can tell by now she has some serious daddy and mommy issues.

I feel like i should tell you folks all of the details so that you can get a better understanding of the situation but it would be a novel, you probably dont wanna read it, and ill just get upset if i have to think about them again. If you really wanted to know, im willing to tell you, give me a call or pm me.

Anywho despite my constant drinking and getting sick as a result i lost 20 pounds and had a close call with the unknown. No details to tell. Im still having a hard time hanging out with my friends, i get distracted and go off in a daze. Im lonely really. My friends havent been around for me as much as i would like,. I realize that everyone has their own shit going on, but it seems like everyone i know is in either a serious relationship and or married and have decent jobs. It feels like life is passing me by and i have no control because i cant even save up enough cash to move out of my parents house, let alone travel or go back to school like i really want to.

Hey at least i can look at naked women again without getting pissed off!

I know it sounds like im having a hard time getting over her, which i am of course but the mind games she plays fuck with my head so badly and some of the things she said and did are just so bad, you dont think that people can be so cruel when they know you are so down.

Other than my shit health, at least my brother is out of the hospital and doing good again and that gives me hope. I need to get my life back stat.

Thanks for listening, youve been great.