shinracorp

I am VERY sorry to everyone that i have not been around. I have said this before but its blog time. Quite a bit has been going on in my life, im sure just like everyone elses. I have not been on SG very much. boooooooooo! but i have been trying to get out of my current job. I have an interview on monday and I have been preparing for it for the last few weeks. I am VERY nervous and i dont think that i am qualified for it, but lets see what comes of it shall we?
I have not been sleeping and my dreams have been severely screwed up lately. I cant even remember half of them anymore. I have been drinking so much even though i told myself that i was going to not drink on the weeknights anymore. I feel like i am heading down a slippery slope. Its like ummmm i dont really want to kill myself but at this point it feels like that will likely be the ultimate outcome because i get bored with things so easily and nothing ever seems interesting enough for me. My mind wanders and the thought of dying doesnt seem too horrible. i know that sounds bad. it is not a threat for anyone thinking that it is. It is simply where i see my life going. I am constantly trying to be a better person and losing.
I am kinda in trouble at work where there is a crazy woman and she is probably gonna try to drag me to court for asking my friend a simple question concerning her. it was nothing against her at all. they have legal issues with eachother and i knew that they would be in a situation together that day and i asked if he was gonna be ok with it, and she overheard me talking to him and started freaking out. i have been very stressed out about that. it was non of my business but i felt that at the time, it was the right thing to do. but now this is the last thing i need in my life.
My brother is feeling a shitload better. his
GVHS is being treated differently now and we can see major improvement faster than we expected. but it will still be a long road before he can even walk upright or go shopping at mall or even sleep correctly. I want to work in some non-profit thing where i can help people who are suffering from this ailment as well as from my brothers cause... leukemia.
I went to my alumni weekend last weekend. It was a shitshow and i was not prepared to get so depressed, i realize that i didnt make friends with as many people as i thought. most people seemed to be having a wonderful time and talking with eachother. my friends and i just pretty much sat in a corner and had sack hitting contests and made my friend erica drink from boobs. the bar was ok at first but it got so crowded with people who are done with college but with they werent, that you couldnt move or even get to the bar for a drink. it sucked ass, so we moved on to another bar and then jumped out of a moving car and rolled around on the floor in the hotel lobby for the hell of it. it was indeed a shit show. i saw a few of my professors but i dont think that they recognized me and that sux cuz i wanted to get some references for this job. Ahhhhhhhhh back to the job. i honestly might not even go for the interview, i printed my transcript and my grades in the needed areas are so low that i dont even want to print them. what happened to me in college that i couldnt pull off anything good. i dont think im dumb, like i said i cant pay attention to anything for very long... including women.
I went on a few dates with a girl and she started to like me and i freaked out and stopped talking to her, she keeps txting me. i dont really find her attractive, but i did make out with her when i was drunk. i gotta stop getting drunk on dates, it gets me in trouble. but she is friends with my friend charlene so i have to be nice to her and at least try to be friends. so ill probably try to call her tonight after i get a few in me.

damn that was long, hope to hear from you dinks... yes dinks... well dressed englishmen.

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