FRIEND'Z,
I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT EVERYONE'S BEEN UP TO GOING TO SEE BATTLE OF BANDS , MILKING B-DAY WISHES, HEALING THEIR INK AND DEVILMANN IS ALWAYS BITCHIN OR WORKING OUT, DON'T FORGET GETTING HIGH WITH X-LAPDANCERS, I JUST THINK IT'S GREAT! YOU GUYS ARE GREAT. I'VE BEEN M.I.A. BUT I KNEW WHERE I WAS SO I WASN'T REALLY LOST. ANYWAY I'M GOING TO TELL A GREAT STORY SO LISTEN. LITE YOUR CIG AND TAKE A LOAD OFF.
PERFECT KARMA-
I WAS INVITED TO THIS PARTY OUT IN THE COUNTRY. I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUN TO GET AWAY. I DROVE DOWN A TRAIL NARROW ENOUGH TO MAKE THE PINE NEEDLES SCAPE MY ARM BACK DOWN DEEP IN A SWAMP. SO WHEN I GOT THERE IT WASN'T AT ALL WANT I EXPECTED. I HAD STUMBLED UPON AN EPISODE OF HEE HAW. KNOWING THAT I HAD TO ATLEAST TURN AROUND IN THEIR YARD AND GO PEEE BAD I GOT OUT.
BARE FOOT GROCERY STORE FEET AND CUT OFF WIFE BEATERS. THEY ALL A PBR IN THEIR ONE HAND AND THE OTHER WAS AN OYSTER KNIFE. I WAS SWATTING SKEETERS AND HOPING FOR AN INSIDE TOILET. I GOT THERE AND PULLED UP A COOLER, AS I SAT I COULD FEEL TENSION WITH EVERY RED NECK GIRL THERE. THEY FILTERED IN THE DOUBLE WIDE TRAILER THAT SAT UP ON 4X4 POSTS AND CINDER BLOCK TO HEN PECK ME TO DEATH. ABOUT THIS TIME ONE OF THE BIKER GUYS ASKED TO SEE MY WORK SO I PULLED UP MY MESH SHIRT AND HE PROCEEDED TO PULL MY BRA STRAPS DOWN TO SEE THE SHOULDER DETAIL RIGHT AS HIS SISTER HIS WIFE AND PROBABLY 3 OR 4 COUSINS WALKED OUT. IT WAS BAD AND GETTING WORSE, THEY GAVE ME A PLATE OF RAW OYSTERS AND SAID THE GAS WAS GONE SO THE FLAME WENT OUT. I ASKED FOR A LITE AND EVERY GUY LOOKED TO EACH OTHER THEN TO THEIR GIRLS AND NO ONE MOVED I DECIDED TO SLIP SO I MUSTERED MY MOST SARCASTIC TONE AND TOLD THEM TO CONTINUE THEIR "HOE-DOWN" WITHOUT ME. THE GIRLS STARTED TALKING SHIT I STARTED TALKING SHIT ALL THOUGH THE WAY TO MY TRUCK I WAS ABOUT TEN FT AWAY WHEN MY SHOE STUCK IN THE MUD AND I LOST IT AND NEARLY WENT OVER BACKWARDS, THEY ALL STARTED LAUGHING, AND YELLED WHO'S BARE FOOT NOW. I SAID "WHAT EVER CORN-FED". I HAD BEEN BEAT AND WAS RETREATING AND I KNEW IT MY FACE BURNED. BUT JUST AS ALL OF THEM WERE NEARLY IN THE HOUSE I BLEW THE HORN WHILE DOING AN 18 POINT TURN TO GET OUT THAT SHIT HOLE. THEY CAME ON THE DECK AND WERE FLIPPING ME OFF WHEN THE DECK BROKE AND THEY FELL NEARLY 10 FEET ALL OVER EACH OTHER. 2 GIRLS WERE HANGING OVER THE RAIL AND YELLING HIT THE MUD, ONE WITH HER FOOT STILL OVER THE RAIL. IT WAS FU**ING AWESOME.
I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT EVERYONE'S BEEN UP TO GOING TO SEE BATTLE OF BANDS , MILKING B-DAY WISHES, HEALING THEIR INK AND DEVILMANN IS ALWAYS BITCHIN OR WORKING OUT, DON'T FORGET GETTING HIGH WITH X-LAPDANCERS, I JUST THINK IT'S GREAT! YOU GUYS ARE GREAT. I'VE BEEN M.I.A. BUT I KNEW WHERE I WAS SO I WASN'T REALLY LOST. ANYWAY I'M GOING TO TELL A GREAT STORY SO LISTEN. LITE YOUR CIG AND TAKE A LOAD OFF.
PERFECT KARMA-
I WAS INVITED TO THIS PARTY OUT IN THE COUNTRY. I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUN TO GET AWAY. I DROVE DOWN A TRAIL NARROW ENOUGH TO MAKE THE PINE NEEDLES SCAPE MY ARM BACK DOWN DEEP IN A SWAMP. SO WHEN I GOT THERE IT WASN'T AT ALL WANT I EXPECTED. I HAD STUMBLED UPON AN EPISODE OF HEE HAW. KNOWING THAT I HAD TO ATLEAST TURN AROUND IN THEIR YARD AND GO PEEE BAD I GOT OUT.
BARE FOOT GROCERY STORE FEET AND CUT OFF WIFE BEATERS. THEY ALL A PBR IN THEIR ONE HAND AND THE OTHER WAS AN OYSTER KNIFE. I WAS SWATTING SKEETERS AND HOPING FOR AN INSIDE TOILET. I GOT THERE AND PULLED UP A COOLER, AS I SAT I COULD FEEL TENSION WITH EVERY RED NECK GIRL THERE. THEY FILTERED IN THE DOUBLE WIDE TRAILER THAT SAT UP ON 4X4 POSTS AND CINDER BLOCK TO HEN PECK ME TO DEATH. ABOUT THIS TIME ONE OF THE BIKER GUYS ASKED TO SEE MY WORK SO I PULLED UP MY MESH SHIRT AND HE PROCEEDED TO PULL MY BRA STRAPS DOWN TO SEE THE SHOULDER DETAIL RIGHT AS HIS SISTER HIS WIFE AND PROBABLY 3 OR 4 COUSINS WALKED OUT. IT WAS BAD AND GETTING WORSE, THEY GAVE ME A PLATE OF RAW OYSTERS AND SAID THE GAS WAS GONE SO THE FLAME WENT OUT. I ASKED FOR A LITE AND EVERY GUY LOOKED TO EACH OTHER THEN TO THEIR GIRLS AND NO ONE MOVED I DECIDED TO SLIP SO I MUSTERED MY MOST SARCASTIC TONE AND TOLD THEM TO CONTINUE THEIR "HOE-DOWN" WITHOUT ME. THE GIRLS STARTED TALKING SHIT I STARTED TALKING SHIT ALL THOUGH THE WAY TO MY TRUCK I WAS ABOUT TEN FT AWAY WHEN MY SHOE STUCK IN THE MUD AND I LOST IT AND NEARLY WENT OVER BACKWARDS, THEY ALL STARTED LAUGHING, AND YELLED WHO'S BARE FOOT NOW. I SAID "WHAT EVER CORN-FED". I HAD BEEN BEAT AND WAS RETREATING AND I KNEW IT MY FACE BURNED. BUT JUST AS ALL OF THEM WERE NEARLY IN THE HOUSE I BLEW THE HORN WHILE DOING AN 18 POINT TURN TO GET OUT THAT SHIT HOLE. THEY CAME ON THE DECK AND WERE FLIPPING ME OFF WHEN THE DECK BROKE AND THEY FELL NEARLY 10 FEET ALL OVER EACH OTHER. 2 GIRLS WERE HANGING OVER THE RAIL AND YELLING HIT THE MUD, ONE WITH HER FOOT STILL OVER THE RAIL. IT WAS FU**ING AWESOME.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
FUNNY STORY...I'M GLAD YOU BAILED OUT
THE SONG OF THE DAY IS 'PURPLE RAIN' - PRINCE
TALK TO YOU LATER SUNSHINE