SOME SHIT THAT CONFOUNDS ME
ELDERLY CRACKHEADS. Im not talking about your burn-out 40 year old neighbor who still does coke on the weekends here; Im talking about honest to God old ass motherfuckers who are out hittin the pipe at all hours of night. Dudes who spend their Social Security checks and adult pampers money on rock. What the fuck is going on with these people? I must admit that Im not very sympathetic; when I was younger, we would throw firecrackers at them to push their zooming, septuagenarian hearts over the edge and give them heart attacks.
THE URBAN SHERPA LOOK. You know what I mean; the weird Peruvian hats with patterns and a ball on top and some big assed moccasin boots. Where are you going? To climb Everest? Ohhhh, youre just going to Starbucks.(???)
WHY IS DRINKING AND DIALING SO MUCH FUN? I find it kind of annoying when my friends do it to me, but I think the height of entertainment is to call everyone on my phone list at obscene hours and dish out senseless harangues about nothing. I can often be rude and incomprehensible as well; as if I am angry that <I>they called me</I>. I dont even care if they answer the phone or not, talking to their answering machines is just as much fun.
RELIGIOUS STRIPPERS. I dont have any as friends on my myspace page, but Ive seen them on other peoples. You know, theres a hot assed picture of some chick with fake boobs in a thong, you click on it and she lives in some place like Orlando and is all about clubbin and generous men and then she lists Jesus as her hero and going to church as her hobby. The dead giveaway is when they list dancer or model as their profession. Ballerinas are dancers my darling, YOU are a stripper. The difference is whether or not the tutu stays on. And I dont think Jesus would buy a lap dance from you either honey.
MIDDLE-AGED SKATEBOARDERSI recently went to the Thrasher skater of the year party (thanks to Turbonegro for putting us on their guest list) and noticed a lot of balding skaters pushing 40. Now I have to be tactful here because some of them are my friends, but come on guysyou are a little old for that shit arent you? For instance, it might be totally rad for me to bust out with some GI Joe dolls and play around on the floor in my sofa-cushion fort but Im going to restrain myself..BECAUSE I AM AN ADULT NOW and it would seem silly. Are 20 year-old chicks still impressed by your ability to "grind" and "ollie" even though you are developing arthritis?
VEGETARIAN/VEGAN SMOKERS.. I dont even know where to begin with these people.
THE "PIERCING PEOPLE" A little lip ring or nose ring can be hot, but I think we've all seen the ones who have taken it too far. They get sucked into this weird place where they already have too many facial piercings to be normal so the only way for them to be cooler in the piercing community is to put MORE holes in their fucking head. They eventually look up to those clueless tards who hang themselves on hooks in a goth club while crappy techno blares in the background (or occasionally some urban-primitive drum squad makes an attempt at third-world tribal ambiance after consuming many soy milk lattes). I actually should cultivate more friendships with these lost souls....if times ever get tough, I can recycle their heads.
ELDERLY CRACKHEADS. Im not talking about your burn-out 40 year old neighbor who still does coke on the weekends here; Im talking about honest to God old ass motherfuckers who are out hittin the pipe at all hours of night. Dudes who spend their Social Security checks and adult pampers money on rock. What the fuck is going on with these people? I must admit that Im not very sympathetic; when I was younger, we would throw firecrackers at them to push their zooming, septuagenarian hearts over the edge and give them heart attacks.
THE URBAN SHERPA LOOK. You know what I mean; the weird Peruvian hats with patterns and a ball on top and some big assed moccasin boots. Where are you going? To climb Everest? Ohhhh, youre just going to Starbucks.(???)
WHY IS DRINKING AND DIALING SO MUCH FUN? I find it kind of annoying when my friends do it to me, but I think the height of entertainment is to call everyone on my phone list at obscene hours and dish out senseless harangues about nothing. I can often be rude and incomprehensible as well; as if I am angry that <I>they called me</I>. I dont even care if they answer the phone or not, talking to their answering machines is just as much fun.
RELIGIOUS STRIPPERS. I dont have any as friends on my myspace page, but Ive seen them on other peoples. You know, theres a hot assed picture of some chick with fake boobs in a thong, you click on it and she lives in some place like Orlando and is all about clubbin and generous men and then she lists Jesus as her hero and going to church as her hobby. The dead giveaway is when they list dancer or model as their profession. Ballerinas are dancers my darling, YOU are a stripper. The difference is whether or not the tutu stays on. And I dont think Jesus would buy a lap dance from you either honey.
MIDDLE-AGED SKATEBOARDERSI recently went to the Thrasher skater of the year party (thanks to Turbonegro for putting us on their guest list) and noticed a lot of balding skaters pushing 40. Now I have to be tactful here because some of them are my friends, but come on guysyou are a little old for that shit arent you? For instance, it might be totally rad for me to bust out with some GI Joe dolls and play around on the floor in my sofa-cushion fort but Im going to restrain myself..BECAUSE I AM AN ADULT NOW and it would seem silly. Are 20 year-old chicks still impressed by your ability to "grind" and "ollie" even though you are developing arthritis?
VEGETARIAN/VEGAN SMOKERS.. I dont even know where to begin with these people.
THE "PIERCING PEOPLE" A little lip ring or nose ring can be hot, but I think we've all seen the ones who have taken it too far. They get sucked into this weird place where they already have too many facial piercings to be normal so the only way for them to be cooler in the piercing community is to put MORE holes in their fucking head. They eventually look up to those clueless tards who hang themselves on hooks in a goth club while crappy techno blares in the background (or occasionally some urban-primitive drum squad makes an attempt at third-world tribal ambiance after consuming many soy milk lattes). I actually should cultivate more friendships with these lost souls....if times ever get tough, I can recycle their heads.
but just for you, i'll do it again.
i was born and raised in fresno california. i love that place. totally awesome. but i didn't want to live and die there without seeing some other cities, so at age 20 i moved to san francisco.
partying ensued.
i almost finished a master's degree, i was a live nude girl, i dated a tattooist, a piercer, a drummer, many a bookstore and record store employee... uh yeah, i had my fun. i got a grip of tattoos. i was always broke. so i took a full time job working at an engineering firm. very prestigious and good paying job.
and still i was always broke.
plus, i grew tired of always having to step over bums to get out of my house. of never being able to walk in a park without stepping in dog crap. of the high cost of living. of the attitude of so many amazingly artistic and creative people. of the constant noise. of always living on top of someone and underneath someone else. of endless eons of concrete.
i needed a wide open space.
so i moved to kansas. fell in love. with my new apartment, my newly-acquired little red truck, my cute country boyfriend. yeah. that was about 4 months ago. and i'm still lovin' it. it was just what i needed. i don't plan to stay here forever, but it fits great for now.
and to answer two of your other questions... i believe in a higher power. a creator. i just do. and i was a stripper for a year and a half. i am not ashamed of my sexuality, and i doubt that God, who gave it to me, is ashamed of it either. i'm not a bible thumper, i'm honestly closer to being a buddhist catholic, but i can tell you straight up, that i believe in God and i believe that all humans are sexual beings and there's no shame in that.
and the only reason i can think of that i would ever consider moving back to the bay area happens to be a 35 year old skater. he doesn't have a pot belly, and he rides huge vert ramps better than i have ever seen anyone else do. and he is insanely hot. also in reference to this question, see tony hawk.
have a great day!